Gilbert; The Banana Who Wanted to be Human

A nonsensical story about a banana

There once was a little banana named Gilbert who wanted to be human. He lived in a grocery store in a basket with all of his relatives. Each day people would come to the store and purchase grocery items. Gilbert stared at them longingly. He wanted to run and go to school and eat candy like all the humans did. He wanted to go to the movie theatre, climb mountains and ride roller coasters! “Mother,” he said, “I wish I were human.”

            “Why Gilbert!” His mother cried, “That’s a horrible thing to say! Humans are vicious and evil creatures who eat bananas. We must fear them and hope no human will come and take our family away. These are hard times for bananas, Gilbert. It’s almost certain we’ll be eaten alive.”

 

            But Gilbert didn’t think humans were vicious, evil creatures. Yes, they ate bananas, but they didn’t know any better. He thought they were fascinating, intelligent and even beautiful. And then one day a large hand came and grabbed the basket where his family lived. “Nooooo!” His relatives screamed, “This is the end of us! We’re done for!” The large hand belonged to a teenage boy who was out grocery shopping for his parents. He swung the basket and walked over to the cash register. All of the bananas were trembling except for Gilbert. He used all the muscles in his body to jump out of the basket. Then he was free! Gilbert hopped around the grocery store, overjoyed to be out of the basket. “Oh no!” Yelled the cashier, “Run away banana!” But Gilbert was out the door before anyone could catch him.

 

            He looked around wildly. He was on a busy street with crowds of people passing by, nearly stepping on him. It was raining and since raindrops are much larger and heavier to bananas than they are to you and I, each drop of rain felt like a baseball hitting him hard on the head. Gilbert hopped along the street, frantically, searching for somewhere he could take cover from the rain. Then he saw a telephone booth. The only problem was, the booth was way over on the other side of the road. Gilbert had to cross the road to get to the booth. He stared at all the cars whooshing by on the wet road, speeding through the puddles and causing huge amounts of water to come spewing in his direction. He held his breath and hopped across the road as quick as he could, dodging the cars that came close to him. Water sprayed at him from every direction, his heart racing as he hopped for his life.

 

             He finally managed to get across the road to the telephone booth. He made a bed for himself out of the crumpled up newspapers on the floor of the booth and lay down, safe and away from the dangers of the world. He looked out through the glass at the night sky. The moon was full and a shooting star flew by it, then disappeared. Gilbert closed his eyes and wished with all his might to be human. When he drifted off to sleep, he dreamed that he was no longer Gilbert the banana, but Gilbert the tall, handsome man. He lived in one of those giant, shiny skyscrapers overlooking the city and had an apartment all to himself. Every morning he would put on a suit and tie and sit at the kitchen table, drinking a nice, warm cup of coffee. He would then walk to work carrying a briefcase in his hand. He was a lawyer and had the time of his life suing and standing up for people. He eventually became the most famous lawyer in the world, fell in love with a beautiful young woman, got married and had children. But the fantasy faded once he opened his eyes again. He looked down at himself to see that he was still only a banana, and a bruised and moldy banana too.

 

 Because of the rain, he no longer looked his best. His skin that was once bright yellow was now wrinkled and a sickly shade of brown. Gilbert sighed, but did not give up hope. He did not know how to become human, but he was determined to do it. ‘Maybe if I close my eyes and just concentrate really, really hard, I’ll turn into a human.’, he thought. So Gilbert sat on the cold ground of the telephone booth, concentrating. As night turned to day, he concentrated. As crowds of people walked past the telephone booth, laughing and shouting on the busy streets, he concentrated. As a wish-making fairy magically appeared in front of him, he concentrated. “I am the great and powerful wish-making fairy!” she said. “I will grant all wishes, no matter how unrealistic they may be!” The fairy looked around the telephone booth for anyone who might have a wish, but Gilbert was hidden away in a small corner beneath the shadows, unseen by the fairy and too busy concentrating to hear her. “Huh.” She said, confused, “I thought I sensed the presence of someone desperately wishing for something in here.” She shrugged, “Guess I was wrong!” And with that, she disappeared.

 

            The next day, a man wearing a suit and tie walked into the telephone booth and cringed at the sight of an old, moldy banana in the corner of the booth. “Vat is zees?” He cried in a French accent, “Zees is disgusting! Eet eez an insult to moi!” He picked up the banana, walked out of the telephone booth and tossed it away into a nearby trash can.

 

            Gilbert opened his eyes, surrounded by bits of old food, plastic wrappers, pop cans and plastic bags filled with garbage. “I’m in a garbage can!” He said, “How did I end up here?” But the whistling wind was his only answer. And then, under piles of trash, Gilbert finally realized something. He was a banana. And bananas just don’t turn into people.