Songs to Solomon

SALIK-PASSABLE, SALIMA-SAFE

Silk is a thread, a fine line
After you have them, taken
Like it was yesterday, nothing
Is too far away from the genders,
Kites have genres too, men
Slaved away for their women
And you, who are wondrous
Like every miraculous vanity,
It isn't a reflection I relish,
Mucked about, I am mud
Always, one of three toads

Reviews

[Gabriel]

I really liked this poem, nothing is off.. everything is as it should be... excellent job.

[Meeks]

I give critiques. If this offends you, PM me and I'll take it down.

You are going everywhere. It's too confusing, you switch subjects almost every stanza. For example, the second stanze refers to "them", which means it cannot be speaking of the thread in line 1.
Third stanza is way out there.

"Kites have genres too," - maybe 'genders too'?

"wondrous" - wonderous. There's an 'e' in there.

last two stanzas are seemingly off topic as well.


Overall, feels almost like a piece bent around feeling, not meaning. Possibly about the hopelessness of reaching something too wonderful for you?
Tthis could easily become something amazing, and you can see the style visibly as well. Good job on this, thanks for sharing.
Keep writing, it can only get better!