1.
Decided to take a break from the "socially correct",
and I must say, these 3 days of physical isolation
Were refreshing.
snapping out can be strangely rewarding..
Its a new feeling this one I get out of blocking everyone out,
I guess its Her only way to let me know
that I've reached my “careness” limits.
It’s like I can only be as caring and loving till a certain point,
When passed that point, after all has run out, it all changes.
I change.
As another Me takes over from there
And I just pose as a mere spectator,
watching the other side of me (over)react
to the effects of obliged existence
2.
At this point, realized that I don’t want to Give that much,
I don’t wish to Feel that much
Yes, selfish...and it feels great.
It has always been part of Human Nature to often demand more, more and more,
even more than it can handle
Never accepting the dose of emotions one has to offer,
no matter how big it is, it never seems to be enough
To me its just more simple to not give, and not expect anything given either
Why feed emotional consumism?
Should I blame Her for being realistic...?
Should I blame myself for letting me change in order to protect myself?
3.
There are days when conforming to the demands of the world isn’t my forte,
Needy futilities
Its frustrating having no space that’s not invaded,
no action that’s not judged,
by those who are least interested in guiding you anyway
So I change. I malfunction. I hurt. I hide.
Alone
working on forgetting that I’m part of a world that’s never fair,
a world where the Misunderstood usually remain quite misunderstood
and where the Brilliant often lead the weak to a direction none of them can reach.
Why would I have to understand others lives, hopes and dreams
when I can’t even decode my own.
The world will never stop to take a second look at me,
Expecting it to understand who I become in these moments of bitterness
would be asking sanity too much.
I need my damn space....
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