My Shadow

A dark cloud surrounds the empty abyss of my shallow mind

Pain fills up my veins, freezing them as your cold words ran out of your dirty mouth

Why? Why must you make me feel this way?

My heart shatter one by one,each piece falling through my empty body that once...was mine.

I had no control over this retched body anymore

Inch by inch, I stepped towards the ground where you stood

You give me a smirk

I give you a smile

Suddenly

A dark hand had laid itself on your shoulder

You turned in surprise-

A dark shadow of myself stood before you

My smiled turned into one of hatred

All the pain you caused me now stood before your very being

You open your disgusting mouth to scream-

As my shadow begins to cackle insanely

You turn and try to run-

But my darkness engulfs you whole!

And finally...

You are rid of me.

Yet...I can not stop that sole tear to flee my eye.

My mouth opens and I whispered one last thing to you, "Goodbye...my lost love."

Reviews

[EmaleighLynn]

It's good, the subject matter is interesting, and you tell it in a good way. There was one line that seemed a little off to me: "My heart shatter one by one,each piece falling through my empty body that once...was mine." I don't understand what this is supposed to say, I think you may have left something out when writing it. Other than that, you did fantastically.