A Path Unknown

A little something I've been working on for a bit. Figure I'd post a bit of this in the meantime while I rework my main project. About a girl who finds herself in a strange and magical place.

As her father's steed broke through the trees and into the dense forest, the girl's sight began to dim and everything went black.

She awoke to nightfall, finding the steed along with her colt huddle closely together right next to her, shivering with unease.  She heard the howl of a wolf from not too far off and sat bolt upright, eyes wide with fear.  She glanced up at the horses as they move even closer together, the older one though just as fearful hovering protectively over her and the colt.

The bone-chilling howl she had heard only moments before came again, this time sounding much closer.  As she sat paralysed, her heart pounding and the horses whinnying in discomfort, she suddenly heard more howls in unison from farther off.  As she searched around frantically, she let out a gasp as she saw a form suddenly appear out of the mist and darkness of the surrounding forest.  Her eyes widened in shock and fear, and as the creature moved closer, the figure of a wolf became clear.

She backed up, shaking her head as if trying to wake herself from a terrible nightmare.  The horse and colt stamped the ground and nayed uncomfortably, while Elanna remained sitting on the ground, immobilized by her fear.  The wolf continued to move toward her, unafraid and curous as to why this girl would be in his territory.  He could sense the fear in the girl and the horses that, oddly enough, remained by her side, yet he made no attempt to attack the group.  As he came within inches of Elanna, he closed his eyes and sniffed the air, then he began to sniff her, taking in this strange new scent.

As Elanna sat there trembling, she thought back on the last few hours of her life and began to sob.  She had lost her family, her home, and now, she felt there was nothing left worth living for.  Lost and alone in this dark forest, pursued by murderous bandits, she came to the decision that she may as well just give herself up to the wolves.  Hell, that would at least be better than being violated, her virginty destroyed, body and mind shamed before finally meeting a fate of death.

As she sighed in resignation to her fate, something miraculous happened as the figure before her changed.  A magical shimmering mist swirled around the wolf and it disappeared.  As the mist dissapated, in place of the wolf now stood a human male.  He was tan skinned, with jet black hair and dark brown eyes.  Elanna gasped in astonishment, her mouth agape as she stared at the handsome young man before her.  She closed her eyes and took a deep breath, wanting to make sure she wasn't dreaming.  As she opened them again, she found him smiling at her, meeting her emerald green gaze.  He sat down across from her, crossing his legs and placing his hands in his lap as they sat in silence, watching each other for a few moments.

Elanna was still in shock from all that had happened so far.  She sighed and hung her head, and it was finally the young man who broke the silence.  He reached out with a gentle hand and lifted her chin, so that her eyes met his once again.

"Please do not be upset, dear.  I did not mean to startle you.  My tribe are protectors of this forest.  Whenever outsiders pass over the bounderies, the magical barriers set off an alarm that warns us of intruders."  He smiled.  "Though I must say that this i the first time we've had an intruder quite as lovely as you."

She blushed though she remained silent, deep sadness written across her face.  She still felt as if this should be a dream, expecting to wake up back in her own bed any moment.  The surprisingly soft touch from this strong man brought her back to reality however, and she knew that this was not a dream.  Her features remained dark as she realized that she would never be able to go home again.  Her parents were gone and the only things she had left of them were her father's steed, the colt her mother had given her for her twelfth birthday just this morning and her brand new sword which was nearly forgotten, tied to the horse.  Things had changed drastically in such a short time, and she knew that there was no turning back.

Author's Note

Let me know what you think. Comments and suggestions are always welcome!

Reviews

[~The Queen~]

The beginning contradicts itself.
"Broke through trees into a dence forest"
Rework.

When she wakes up, try to length that a bit. All the action just starts and so it catchs the reader off guard for a while. Might want to think that one over.

When you say her name, its sudden. Either have in the beginning or have the wolf creature talk to her and her introduce herself. Throwing in information is a tad bit frustrating when reading a good piece like this one.

Magical barriers and intruders seem too advanced foe this time frame.
"Do not be frightened my dear. I mean you no harm. My name is____________ and my clan and I protect these woods. When you showed up on our border line, our scouts did not recognise you. I was informed and so I stand here now."
That might work better. Now don't feel like I'm rewritting your story. Just trying to help.

[SakuraGirl]

Nice little story. It would be interesting to read more of it, or perhaps "arrange" it a bit and make it a scene in your book :)

[Wycked]

Its great I cannot wait to see what happens next...a few grammatical errors but i know you will go back and fix...great story idea...