Prologue

An ancient war gives a short history to begin the saga.

Prologue

 

 

It was the second age of darkness, and magic had become the strongest known resource on the face of the Earth.  The mages had become so powerful in fact, that they had decided to take over the entire mortal race with their dark magic, forgetting about the Old Ways and going back on the vows of protection they had made when they learned the art of mage craft.  Instead, these dark mages intended to make all of the other races of the world their slaves.
    Fortunately for the non-magical humans, there were still the few mages that held to their word of honor to always help and protect all of the other races of the world, and they decided to join alongside the mortal men and women to fight against their brothers and sisters in a war that would end up being the most terrible and catastrophic battle in all of history.  That war would come to be known as the “War of Flame and Shadow”.  Just as things began to look their most bleak, and it looked as if the powerful and vicious sorcerers would end up conquering all of humanity once and for all, a light shown through the darkness in the form of a powerful young mage named Azul.
    With the help of a loyal and trusting friend, young Azul formed a plan to defeat the dark mages for good.  For you see, Azul’s friend was a dragon, and she had taught him something that no other mage had ever been taught.  She taught him the ways of dragon magic.  She taught him that the oldest and most powerful magic came from the blood and breath of her kind and with learning this magic, Azul became the most powerful mage of all.
    Using his friend’s fiery breath, and the powerful magic that she had taught him, he took and proceeded to shape a good sized piece of pure gold into a beautiful chalice.  He shaped the stem into the form of a dragon holding a crystal ball, which symbolized the dragons’ protection over the Earth.  Then, on the cup itself, he sculpted dragons flying overhead, to symbolize them being summoned.  Once he was finished with the forging of it, he cast a spell on the chalice, so that the only way it would work correctly would be to drink the freely given blood of a dragon out of the cup he now held.  Azul then wrote the counter spell that would undo the control that he would gain over the creatures.  He wrote this with ink that was made from his friend’s freely given blood.  The dragon had used one of her claws to make a tiny cut on her forearm and let a few drops fall or her friend.  Once the spell and counter spell were finally completed, the dragon cut herself open a bit more with her claw, pouring her lifeblood into the chalice to bring their plan into full effect.
    As Azul drank from the chalice, he felt a surge of power as one had never felt before, almost as if he had just been struck by lightning.  Suddenly, he found himself speaking in the dragon’s own tongue, calling them to do his bidding.  The only one that was not affected by the spell was the one who had given her blood, but then again, she needed no urging, for she was ready for battle from the beginning.  As the young mage, weakened from the power surge, stepped back out to join his fellow mages and mortals, they all looked to the skies to watch as the heavens suddenly caught on fire, and before the dark mages knew what was happening, the beating of gigantic wings and the fire of dragon’s breath were closing in on them.  It was in that split moment that the mages of light knew that this was their chance to overpower their enemies, and in a flash of talons, fangs, fire and light, mages and dragons both hit the dark mages all at once.
    They tried to run, but only a few escaped, and within moments, it was all over.  The few that did manage to escape ended up hiding underground for many years to come, trying to imagine what could have possibly happened to turn the tables like that.  The rest were destroyed.  After all was done, Azul gave the dragons his thanks in their language, for that would be the new gift that he would carry with him from then on, and he spoke the counter spell, sending his new allies back to their own lives.
    He and his friend then took the chalice into the cave where they had forged it, and together they hid it in a spot where they knew that it would be kept forever safe and secret.  Mage and dragon swore a blood oath to each other never to speak of it again.  They named the chalice “Dragon’s Bane”, for they both knew that if it were ever to fall into the wrong hands, and they figured out how to use it correctly, that not only would it spell certain doom for mankind, but it would also spell doom for the dragons that would be forced to obey the master of the chalice as well.  And so, for over a thousand years, it remained hidden, never spoken of and never known about…until now…

Author's Note

Thank you to those who reviewed and gave me their thoughts. Remember, please feel free to give ideas and advice.

Reviews

[Lorelee Tate]

An interesting start. I have a few suggestions for you, though.

I think this idea is pretty original. I've never read anything like it, at least. The one thing about it that I would caution you against is giving the backstory in a prologue, like this. If there is any other way of introducing the history, use it. My motive for cautioning you is this: prologues like this in fantasy are extremely common and (this doesn't necessarily apply to yours) don't entirely relate to the rest of the story. In most cases I could understand the plot just fine without the prologue. Again, this might not apply to yours, since I haven't read the next chapter.

This is somewhat connected to the first note, but here it is. Telling all of this like a history book gets a little dull. I'm speaking generally, though. It wasn't too dull here because, unlike others I've seen, it didn't drag on for twenty pages. I would encourage you, however, to consider telling this as though it's happening now, instead of centuries or however long ago. This will better keep your reader's interest.

My only other suggestion has to do with Azul's dragon friend. I'm curious as to why she doesn't have a name. If this is a plot point later on, it's fine, but I was just wondering. If it's not essential for her to be nameless, I would certainly recommend giving her a name.

I hope you find these helpful. As I said before, this idea seemed pretty original to me. Please message me if you have any questions.

Lora

[Pakino]

hehe like the intro the idea of the dragons bane is interesting like it.

[Jetta Zippora]

It's so beautiful! I love the language and imagery! This is a tale I have to keep my eye on. Spectacular write!

[J.T.]

I thought that this was a very good start for a beginning of a book. I love stories involving dragons and mages and magic, and all of that stuff. I haven't really heard of a plot like this, and I can't wait to read more!

I would like to point out, however, that your Prologue is very detailed and, as others have said, I would like to see if it is at all connected to the story itself. If it isn't, but you would like to get more in depth about this history and take a deeper look into the war and the creation and use of The Chalice, then perhaps you could create a prequel once this book is finished? I would like to learn more about what has happened, while learning about what is happening with the current plot, but sadly that cannot always happen at the same time unless you are incorporating history into present. With a story like this, it would be very easy to set up a whole set of lore, especially since you've already installed a nice backstory in this prologue.
--J.T.

[Wycked]

You are so detailed...I love this...I love dragons...you write very well...you flow beautifully. Its the job of the writer to take us on a journey to see things how the writer sees them. I cannot wait to read the next chapters....

[~The Queen~]

Well written I think, I think that the battle near the end a bit over the top. You explained very well but that's the problem.
The Chalice was the subject of the story correct? So I think that the battle afterwards could be mentioned only briefly before going to say that no one knew where the Chalice was.
These are mere opinions of mine and so you shoudn't be offended by them. I hope your next chapter is as good as this one.
Very well done other wise and I loved the idea of this story. I once read two books that had the same sort of thinking train, but this is totally different.
Well done, and I keep up the good work!!

-The Queen

[SakuraGirl]

An interesting start, indeed.

I agree with previous comments regarding history booking and either making this prologue a bit shorter or expanding it and making it a part of the story, with elements scattered in between chapters and scenes.
Also, I would have also liked to know the name of the dragon, but if she's of no relevance for the events in the story, then I'm fine with leaving her nameless. I haven't read the following chapters yet, so this is just my first impression.

Then, I would like to throw in some punctual observation - as little as my tiny bit of experience allows me to see :)
- there are a few repetitions that don't ring too well to my ears, yet not actually disturbing to stop me from reading or enjoying the story, such as: ...he took pure gold and proceeded to shape the gold into a beautiful chalice, or He and his friend then took the chalice into the cave where together they had forged it, and they hid it together in a spot.... Again, these are minor things that personally I would give a look over when re-editing this, nothing serious.
- this paragraph Azul then wrote the counter spell that would undo the control that he would gain over the creatures. He wrote this with ink that was made from his friend’s freely given blood. Once the spell and counter spell were finally completed, the dragon cut her self open with a single claw, pouring her lifeblood into the chalice to bring their plan into full effect. confused me at first. Confusion came from the fact that you say Azul wrote the spell with the dragon's "freely given blood" and then she cuts herself open again to 'seal' the spell. Nothing wrong with that, it just gives the impression that the dragon cut herself twice, and yet, you mention that the she cut herself after the spell and counter spell were completed. I might rephrase it something like Azul's friend cut herself open with a single claw and the mage used her blood to write the counter spell that would undo the control that he would gain over the creatures. Once the spell and counter spell were completed, she poured her freely given lifeblood into the chalice to bring their plan into full effect. (just what my minds were able to come up with, this early in the morning:) )

And I think that's pretty much all, for now. If more come to mind, I might email you.
Clicking on "next" now.

[Mysteral - Night Prowle..]

This seems good for a first draft in that you give the information. Unfortunately, it seems little more than a synopsis of story, the sort of thing I'd expect to read on the back cover. The prologue is the first thing a reader will look at, so you need the hook to draw them into reading more. I don't feel at the moment this does that. However, I would not advise altering it at this time, until you have the first draft of the novel complete. You may find it better to introduce this information into the story and scrap the prologue completely. Another idea, maybe condense this into a single paragraph that can be read quickly enough not to detract from the main story. Of course, you also have the option of expanding this with more detail and making it into part of the story.

I look forward to reading chapter 1 which I'll consider as the beginning of the novel.

[Autumn Reign]

I love your originality. The last few lines definately scream READ MORE! All of your writing is fantastic, really.

[Clark]

I'm going to second Lora's comments about history booking. Like she said, you can tell it like it's happening now, or another option is to have characters discuss it or learn it themselves in the main part of the book.

It took me a while to figure out what I'm reminded of, but now I know--the introduction scene in Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship, the movie, with the complete exposition down to the "and now, here we are..."

I'm excited to see what else happens. Sounds original and entertaining.