Created happiness

Created happiness

The mind is a lump of clay 

So let me help you 

Shape your day 

If sadness is your past 

I can lock it up 

Opening your happiness

At last 

Place thy trust in my hands 

For I can form thy light 

To make thee spirit dance 

If ye want freedom 

Break thee chains 

Understand thy own sum 

Life is a game 

And can only be won

If you join the world 

And as ALL

Become one

Author's Note

Any good? Mistakes and suggestions please

Reviews

[Gary West]

The poem itself, its essence, is wonderful. However, you've made multiple mistake as far as the wording. Old English (or the King's English) can be tricky, especially since it has always been inconsistently written, even by the scholars of the era. So, for the sake of consistency, I've broken down the mistakes by line.

2.) you = thee
3.) your = thy
4.) your = thy
6.) your = thy
10.) thee = thou
11.) thy = thou
12.) thee = thy
13.) thy or thine (either should work)
16. you = thou

Other than these, this is a fine piece of work. :)

[Sami Khalil]

Some good lines in this splendid poem...:)...........

[Dark Poet]

"life is a game and can only be one"
I really loved that part because it is true. The day we are born we choose to win life. Ofcourse we can lose that but what a great thought

[Black Star Adept]

I am glad you enjoyed it so much! Yes, it is very true what you have said. Thank you :)

[Heromen Selena]

Well I think its very good! The first two stanzas kind of mislead the setting of the poem but I think that's only because you didn't use the words like "ye" and "thy". I don't really think there are any mistakes. Its a great poem and gives hope to people, which is my favorite part about it :) Great job!

[Black Star Adept]

Thank you! I have to fix some of the words in this poem, still getting used to unique english words. Glad you enjoyed it so much :D

[Alfred Kukitz]

To many yours in second verse. I like the bounce the poem possess. I can see a friendship with hand meeting hand strolling down the roadway.

[Black Star Adept]

Oh, thank you! I fixed it.
Glad you enjoyed the poem :)