Prolouge

This is how it all began.

Since the beginning of time the Earth was made, but by who? God, you would say. That’s not true, it was created by Hell. Impossible you would think, but it’s not.What is that below the crust? The mantle right, well your only half right there. It’s Hades. No, he’s not a greek god, it’s not even a he or her it’s a place.

Many people have been sent there for there wrong dues and sins. Well, I wasn’t even supposed to be sent there because I didn’t do any wrong, I always did the right thing. My family was a bad one, they committed many treason's in the presents of God himself, they mocked him right in front of his face, and murdered many people, they were like..like...well, like...Serial Killers basically, but were never caught. They would kill a person in cold blood with ease. My father killed my grandmother, the only descent one that was like me. I tried to go to the police the never believed me because they would act like normal people, instead of the despicable murderers they were, but when we would get home, I would get beat like hell. I was the only one that went to church and did everything that was supposed to be done, never once did I sin.

When I was seven I was raped by my father, brother, uncle, and cousins. They slit my throat and left me for dead in a creek making it look as if I got lost and was attacked by wolves, or some kind of other rabid creature.

My soul was sent to Hades. I looked around desperately trying to find answers as to why I was going through a fiery pit, I thought I was supposed to be going to a wonderful green meadow, a paradise. Being deaf to what was happening confused me more than anything in the world. Wasn't I supposed to be going to heaven? This was some kind of mistake!  I was there standing before Hell. He looked at me and looked at the woman sitting beside him. He started murmuring words to her, she was smiling and nodding the whole time. “Young girl what is your name?” He asked. “My name is Devania,” I replied looking at the man. “You will be our child, we will transfer your soul to the unborn child in Ivani's womb.” He motioned to the woman's swollen stomach.

“Wait, why was I sent here?” I asked looking up at the large man. "You committed treason's in the face of God and myself." He looked at me with his eyes half closed. "I never committed a treason, in my life, if you seen what I have done, then I wouldn't be here. My family was the one committing those treason's." I commented crossly. "You come from a family that committed treason though."He replied. "Yeah, but the bible technically states. If a person doesn't sin then they go to heaven." I patted myself down looking for my bible.  He laughed at me as I looked for my bible.

     "Why was I sent here, though?" I questioned tilting my head to the side curiously. "Your family has committed murder for many many years and haven't believed in god, your father almost died and his soul cam He basically made a deal with me. He said if he lived that his family and him would come here, when they died, and low and behold you died and you were sent here." He replied. "Since a deals a deal, I get to keep you." He added hazily. "What do you mean?"I begged to know. "Your soul will be transferred from this body to the unborn child in my wife's womb." He laid his hand on his wife's swollen stomach smiling down at me. "I will be your daughter basically?" I asked. "You sure will be." He chuckled. "What else do I have to lose?" I shook my head sighing as I felt my soul begin to leave my body and enter the womb of Hells wife.

   I couldn’t remember anything after that other than I was now in a woman's womb and the memories of my past was gone.

Three months later I was born with a new form and a new life, as Hells daughter.

Author's Note

Ignore grammar and spelling errors, what chu think of the dialogue. How can I make it better?
*~IMPORTANT MESSAGE~*
((!*~There is not Child Molesting during this story this is a big thing I want to get through to everybody my Boyfriend just explained to me what he thought and I was all Oh my god I need to edit this, this was a short story of her past and how she became Hells daughter, She was raped in the past and killed but I don't put any rape in her future~*!))

Reviews

[WayOath]

Lol, then what was it! Hmm, this was really great. I love reading stuff like this. A child from Hell. Who doesn't want to read about that. I do, I want to. A couple things you could do is ellaborate on what you mean by rape since you don't mean child molesting lol. Another thing is detail us about her family, why did they murder (Cold blooded, mafia, etc.) Oh, and you said God's presents instead of prescence. Lol, just a small quirk. Other than that, I thought it was great. The first paragraph was my favorite part, I felt as if you were talking right to me. Great job! Submit MORE will ya? I will read on though cause I want to. ;P

[Mary Evans]

Quite interesting and original idea. There is one logical error though. Unless her family wasn't demons, don't make them demonically evil for no reason. You should elaborate a bit, explaining why they behaved the way they did and how they got away. If they were supported by hell, had a deal with hell or etc etc,expand on why and how it happened. Also i think you should expand on her death, just a few lines aren't enough to mark such an important event i think. And she's behaving way too calmly after dying and going to hell. Honestly me (or my soul) would be freaking out in her shoes.

And the dialogue... Every character on a separate line please XD cant understand a thing like this. Otherwise the dialogue was great. i would put more work into the sentence structure and grammar though. Dialogues don't need improving so far.

Sorry if i sounded too harsh or naggy.

[Coyote Poetry]

A very strong beginning. I like the detail and the story. A outstanding begining to your story. She will be a strong character.
Coyote

[Observer]

I Like the idea and interested to see where you take it. I think you need to go over it again, look for the inconsistency. One was "You committed treason's in the face of God and myself." You tell us the treasons against God but not against Hell. The dialog was good. I think once you give it a good once or twice over you will see things you can fix and improve.

[Khalab Darnell]

nice cant what to see more of ur writings

[Albatross]

Unfortunately grammar and spelling errors often affect the flow of the dialogue. I was a bit thrown off during this line of conversation: "What is that below the crust. The mantle right,"
Don't be afraid to add question marks here, you are making a direct confrontation to what we perceive as reality, and you are about to present to us what is actually "the truth."
This story was a fantastic read, intriguing, and imaginative. You should embellish more upon the families involvement with the main protagonist, and how your character was "accidentally" sent to hell. Flesh it out.
By the end, I loved the dialogue, the almost condescending tone of the narrator. Great write:) I look forward to more!

[Aynsley]

Hey I think your a really talented writer,
nice start.
Sounds interesting...

[Daydreamer54]

Wow, it seemes intresting./ didn’t do any right. This doesn;t sounf right to me and it's raped- not rapped.