Drowning in Sin

A victim in a world

no longer reprieved.

Solitary confinement,

spit upon and deceived.

When society controls the standards,

who am I left to be?

A lost soul, drowning

in a greedy sea.

Violent behavior,

condemning the weak.

Strength has kept me living

in a land I didn’t seek.

An unsub corrects my faults,

when ignoring them I fail.

A sin remembered always,

convicting me to Hell.

A permanent alibi

proved worthy of a lie.

The audience waits patiently,

watching as I die.

A victim in a world

no longer reprieved.

Solitary confinement,

spit upon and deceived.

When society controls the standards,

who am I left to be?

A lost soul, drowning

in a greedy sea.

Author's Note

Not my best. I'm not really in a writing mood lately, and still debating on whether or not I should give up. This poem is just a few thoughts I'm having today. I'm not sure if it will make sense to anyone, but I understand where it's coming from so I'm happy with it.

Reviews

[RedInk524]

Sounds a lot like something i would write, a common concept of mine. The struggle to be who you are and what you want to be while everyone else is saying and wanting otherwise. People are greedy, narrowminded, maliceful, and ignorant, so how can someone with a different way of thinking and feeling not feel confined and alone? People always follow the crowds and b***h at others for not doing the same, nobody gives a s**t about owning and respecting themselves. This greedy sea we call life will just keep on churning, we can only pray for those who try to float above it all.
Favoriting. Oh and please dont give up writing, dont let other people get you down. You are a writer, its who you are, dont let this hellish world kill it. You are a good writer, not everyone may agree, but does that really matter? Not everyone will have the same opinion, and not everyone is able to fully understand appreciate art. And even if you do give up writing for a period of time, you will always come back to it. Its just who you are. So take a stand and push back at those who try to oppress you. What you need is some new inspiration and possibly a style change, and this poem proves it. Look at this poem and many of your recent ones, they are growing in difference from your usual stuff. I think you are just reaching a point in which you are on the brink of a change and not recognizing it. But do not let it fool you into giving up. Giving up will change nothing, and while fighting back wont guaruntee anything, at the very least you go down on your back.

"Falling on your feet is better than falling on your knees"

[MoriartyMesa]

if I may offer a background music http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uKaKnRpg3Nc
drink: Whiskey with a drowning of absinth
smoke: Harsh harsh Lucky

Result, brutal poem that could be a stage piece of shouting and broken glass.

[Magic plus the mayhem.]

Please do NOT give up on writing. Every pome,every chapter,an every stanza you write is beautiful and amazing! An I love this pome :) one of my favorits (:

[emma]

great imagery! i loved the whole thing. it was easy to understand and i fully enjoyed it. flowed really well:)

[Fairytale]

Nice, simple wording. Easy to follow. I get a sense of lonliness and helplessness. Getting lost in a big world. Beautiful write.

[Coyote Poetry]

A lot of people are drowning in sin of greed and lies. I wonder will they pay one day? I like the purpose and the desire of this poem. Better to live a life in truth then to have to swim in lies forever. Thank you for the amazing poem.
Coyote

[Little Birdie]

Society indeed controls the standards. What do I do? I don't conform. Not for the sake of not conforming, just for the sake of not being another sheep in the herd, trying to feel good by doing this or that or just another thing that will make me lose a little bit more of myself to the others. I don't smoke, for I like to breathe freely. I don't drink, for I like my reason untainted. I don't w***e around, for I respect myself more than that. I'm quiet when I don't have anything to say, and I don't even act like a typical girl.

A lost soul? I don't see why would you be. I feel alone. I feel like a freak. But I know I never lose who I am, and that's what's most important to me. Trust me, they can't beat you down as much times as you can stand up. Keep your head up and don't give up writing.

[Esana Bridges]

"Greedy sea" I love how you personified the sea, and also, I don't know how you can call this not good. The rhymes leave the sound ringing in my ears and the way you form the sentences and push out the emotions is really lovely.

I don't know about you, but I like this a lot. Please keep writing. This is a really beautiful piece!

[Sleeping Maiden]

Oh wow. Please don't give up on writing. You're a very good writer. This poem is well written and is quite powerful. It captivates the reader and makes one think of society. I agree with what Redlink524 has said. People struggle trying to find who we should be.. it's not easy. Everyone's different but it is our choice to be who we want to be right? Why give up something that means a lot to you?
I like this poem of yours because it's very deep to me. It has so many meanings. Thank you for sharing! Wonderful work!

[paradise]

I really loved this and it doesn't matter if soem people dont understand what it is about all that matters is that you were able to write a great poem i must say about how you are feeling and how it flowed so well. I reallly liked this,

[The Analog Kid]

I liked how you frame yourself as if you are a spectacle on a stage. They "watch" as you drown and offer no help.