War

War is a terrible place
nothing to refrain
the little kids on their bare feet
war songs sung by them

little smiles
the little feet, in the sand
terrible sounds
little faces

great tears
big muscles
silence feared
carried guns

the little kids
with filled hands
feeling missery
creating those terrible sounds

The little faces
showing fear
the silence, without sounds
fake peace,
peace no where near
it isn't going to be found,
where those little hands are creating those sounds

Reviews

[Leslie Philibert]

Not only a good poem from somebody writing in a second language, but very noble idealistic thoughts .Good work.

[MYSELF]

War shown to what it is like....
really miserable terrible...little faces sworn to pity misery fear....
A true outlook about a situation in what life can be....
A really nice work to show the situation of war...Shows if it is so painful in words
what would it be like in witnessing and bearing the same.../

A really nice write....

Regards:
MYSELF

[Stammers]

feeling missery - misery.

I dislike your first line, it isnt a good hook, in fact it is an instant turn off, its just too obvious!

Other than that, this post really grew on me, it wears you down, sort of battles with its small lines too exhausted to give many words for you to like it, when the last line comes its actually haunting, I think this is better than most people are giving it credit for. Your repetition is good, has a marching feel to it. And the simplicity is good also, as it is disturbingly innocent. This was the ideal way to bring alive a brutal and impoverished conflict, I too thought of Somalia. In my opinion, brilliant write.

[Collette Paige]

Great outlook and honesty about war. Its true and I think some people need to know this. Not only that, but the symbolism and metaphors are wondrous!

[emma]

very moving. i really liked it. my favourite line was, "the silence, without sounds. fake peace, peace no where near." i thought it flowed nicely the whole time, but especially at that line. i thought you could've talked maybe a bit more broadly than just about the children in war, though. but it was really well done overall! great work :)

[amdc101]

Misery only has one S! :)

great tears
big muscles
silence feared
carried guns

This is my favorite part because I think you captured the scary blur children would see when surrounded by war. Beautiful poem.

[BrynnaW.]

So sad and true... :( You finally wrote something! I've been waiting! :) Very well written poem that I very much enjoyed! Great job and PLEASE keep on writing!

[Vinod Kumar U K]

War foots are terrible, only can dream for a far estination of slite Dawn Morning of Peace..... Nice attempt dear..

[Luke Sampson]

The emotion that you convey is also brilliant. When I read this there were all of those pictures of children in war torn countries, that we so often see, flashing through my mind. Very thought provoking =]

[Luke Sampson]

Little faces described by little words. Your writing technique is blossoming beautifully. I see that you are focussing more on a structure now, which is good =] The last stanza closes off in a good way =]