Motionless

for the people who are out there.. and been through the same.. for the people out there.. that are never heard... Dont review me with nice, because im sure to kick you!

The red velvet 
Gliding along the table paws,
Slowly dripping on the ground

Red velvet creating a pool,
while there is no sound,
the sushed words to the little child
hidden under bed,
his mother, making these little sounds

The footsteps on the floor
The heavy breath without a word,
The softly crying child
Her covered mouth

The person walking around,
the banging, the unberable walking sound,

The souftly smuthered child
Never more able to make a sound
Her mom didn't notice
She was just waiting until the silent sounds

Reviews

[Mockingbird]

this was suspenseful with a horrific ending. she just didn't want the child to make a sound and ended up killing the child. it's awful what happened. great poem.

[Matthew Ryan Hardy]

Strong poem here, and Really strong were I knew where you were going straight from the start, I like it

-Matthew Hardy-

[Valorie Lauter]

Powerful write,love it

[paparapapa]

This was seriously depressing. But I found the poem beautiful. I liked how you vividly describe this horrible experience. One can picture it clearly. Great write! ;)

[K.C. Zbryk]

This piece is quite disturbing, and i had to reread it to get the full image, but the way that you describe this takes the reader on quite a journey. Your use of repitition makes each stanza all the more powerful and effectivly adds to the depth of the poem. Impressive write

[Vinod Kumar U K]

Good poem, thanks for sharing......

[Luke Sampson]

Really good write. I am glad to see that you are developing your imagery. Very well described in as few words as needed. Just maybe work on your flow, by keeping a constant structure to your stanzas, or something else if you want to keep the structure more 'disorderly' as it fits this poem, actually, fits it very well. But for future writes, keep up the amazing imagery and keep developing your style and make it your own. You are a talented writer! =]

[Rae]

I found this piece very... open. As in open to interpretation. I enjoyed reading it. Keep writing!!

[Thea]

Stunning write, Black...Excellent imagery... :)))