I think you have a good poem-- in the making. I'd like to see some better vocabulary and cleverly put together phraseology. Not all poems call for it, but 99% do. This poem, unfortunately is not purposely simple, so it could be stronger with it's emotionally striking words. Also, if you enter a draft like this one, you should mention that it's only a draft. If it's not a draft, think about fixing some of the grammar issues so that we can all see you care enough about your poetry to type it correctly. I'm sorry about the harshness, I'm simply too sick of seeing all these little, easy-to-fix problems in poetry.
Other than the few issues, I hope you continue your journey as a poet and I wish you the best as you try to improve your work in this art.
Thank you for sharing,
Kiri
95/100
Posted 13 Years Ago
2 of 2 people found this review constructive.
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Awww... That is so sad... Are you trying to get a tear from me? :) Very well written as usual. A couple mistakes but nothing too major. Another wonderful poem! Good job and keep on writing!
I'm now a 19 year old :P (cough so old cough :P)
For the once who didn't figure out, I am of course a girl
I love writing,
In english though i'm dutch,
That probably makes me crazy!
I always en.. more..