I think you have a good poem-- in the making. I'd like to see some better vocabulary and cleverly put together phraseology. Not all poems call for it, but 99% do. This poem, unfortunately is not purposely simple, so it could be stronger with it's emotionally striking words. Also, if you enter a draft like this one, you should mention that it's only a draft. If it's not a draft, think about fixing some of the grammar issues so that we can all see you care enough about your poetry to type it correctly. I'm sorry about the harshness, I'm simply too sick of seeing all these little, easy-to-fix problems in poetry.
Other than the few issues, I hope you continue your journey as a poet and I wish you the best as you try to improve your work in this art.
Black the flow is great, i loved the way you scripted it. Only thing you could have been a bit more deeper with your thoughts a bit more easy and emotions could have been slightly more compact.
Aw...This really made me think about my past...Haha! Nicely done but you can improve...I mean, I know you can do better than this! But this poem is great... :)))
I think you have a good poem-- in the making. I'd like to see some better vocabulary and cleverly put together phraseology. Not all poems call for it, but 99% do. This poem, unfortunately is not purposely simple, so it could be stronger with it's emotionally striking words. Also, if you enter a draft like this one, you should mention that it's only a draft. If it's not a draft, think about fixing some of the grammar issues so that we can all see you care enough about your poetry to type it correctly. I'm sorry about the harshness, I'm simply too sick of seeing all these little, easy-to-fix problems in poetry.
Other than the few issues, I hope you continue your journey as a poet and I wish you the best as you try to improve your work in this art.
I'm now a 19 year old :P (cough so old cough :P)
For the once who didn't figure out, I am of course a girl
I love writing,
In english though i'm dutch,
That probably makes me crazy!
I always en.. more..