chapter 2

A Chapter by Black

POV Miss Sulivain

Poor child. I couldn’t help but think that, I really felt sorry for her, I mean I did know her when she was little, Until her dad.. found out what I did. I shake my head and wander off to the kitchen to make some tea. I wonder what she will think of the house, she seems so out of it, I wish I could help her with something, something to cheer her up. That would make my boring and cloudy life more interesting of course. Still, a guardian of a almost teenager, a grieving teenager to, it will be hard. What she didn’t know was that I am the direct aunt of Catherine, no one knew, they all assumed I was far away family. I was direct family of her father, her oh so strict father, I shake my head once again and put the kettle on the fire, and wait until the water starts to boil. Just looking at her makes me feel hurt, she looks like a statue, probably lost in her thoughts somewhere . I wonder what she was thinking of, but her look her expression on her face, even with closed eyes, she looked so shocked, so scared, but the intense grief was the worst. I just had to turn away. The water started boiling, ‘’Catherine do you like some tea honey?” I wait a few minutes but I don’t even get a response. I turn around and try again ‘’Catherine do you want some tea?’’ I don’t even see her open her eyes, not even an expression on her face, indicates she heard me. While lifting my shoulders I make my own tea and sit down in the door opening to watch her closely. Nothing to do about it I think, I sense her despair and it just makes me to nauseous to even sit closer. I just watch from a distance, and wonder what I can do to help her. After wandering and wandering, I still had no idea what to think, or to do. But I knew whichever I chose, it would all be wrong, nothing could take the grief away from parents. I wasn’t the closest to her parents, but her dad and me, my brother, we were best friends since are youth. It just changed, after I started to live differently he just gave it up. No I don’t blame him we were just to different I assume, but it still hurt my feelings. We weren’t the closest anymore, but now, knowing he wouldn’t ever be here anymore. After hearing that, it nearly broke me. And I wasn’t even talking to him. Let alone his daughter, and her parents weren’t the only one. I couldn’t imagine it, the only one I ever lost was a grandfather I never met, and my brother now. I whipped along my cheeks, and they were wet, once again. I got out the tissue’s and cleaned my cheeks. Mascara was horrible when you didn’t use waterproof, it takes me a while to take it off again. When I sit down behind my tea again, it’s cold, Yuck! I flush it through the drain. I look back at Catherine again, and in all this time, she didn’t move an inch, not in the past half hour probably. I lost track myself, since the news, since I found out on the news, that they died. I was disinherited so I heard it through the news, I would never forget it. Since then I felt so cold, but I’m happy to see Catherine again. I think the last time I saw her she was four. Then her dad caught us, and I was never allowed back. But I just had to learn her the things she needed to learn. I couldn’t help it, then I saw a movement and I looked up focused again.

She got up, in the at least 30 minutes. I really was surprised, but she still was lost in thoughts I saw. Her eyes, pointed just towards probably without seeing a thing, probably just pointed at nothing. Her energy just froze me, I couldn’t think and I couldn’t walk. I couldn’t even talk, then I heard her speak, ‘’I’m going out!’’ I wondered where she was going, then I thought of it. She doesn’t know the way here, she would be lost. As soon as I had that though I heard the door already, I ran to the door and open it. I looked down the street. No one there, my, my, where could she have been. She had more of it in her then I thought before, but that didn’t surprise me, she was really excellent when she was five already.

I close the door again and look to the front window. Nothing to see. Now the only thing was left to do was worry, I didn’t know her yet, how she is now I mean. She was to special to neglect. I had to look after her, because she wasn’t just ordinary, she wouldn’t be safe at all.

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© 2011 Black

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Reviews

Aurora Lynn

It was a little bit weird reading this from a different person's POV, until I looked back at the description. I wonder where Catherine will go? The paragraphs seem a little bit long; it might make it easier on the eyes if you seperated them a little bit more.

~Aurora Lynn

Posted 13 Years Ago

amdc101

knew = should be know.
the= should be they, 7th line.

Cliffhanger at the end...
I was really confused before I realized it was a different POV lol. Interesting chapter, I'll read on.

Posted 13 Years Ago

halflives

She seems like a nice teacher, to care about her student/new child in such a way. I loved this. Great! Though I WOULD make the paragraphs shorter, and put a space between them so that we could differ from one paragraph from another. Great!

Posted 13 Years Ago

Coyote Poetry

I like your story. Keep writing this story. I like how you started the story with the sad family history of death and adoption. This was a good chapter. I like how you write of daily life and action. Need history to allow reader to understand character.
Coyote

Posted 13 Years Ago

TOF_Matt

Based on the first two chapters and the prologue I can see how this is something very personal for you. I think it's a good start, but I almost feel like this chapter and chapter 1 can be combined. Either that, or chapter 1 and the prologue can be combined. The reason I say this is because even though these are short chapters, it seems to take a long time for stuff to start happening. A lot of it is description but it doesn't seem to be building to anything until you hit us with some action right at the end. Try to create some tension and build up her frustration, rather than having it happen so suddenly.

Also, I know English isn't your first language so I can understand some of the grammatical errors. However, one thing I would suggest for the future is laying out your work a little better to make it easier to read. Put dialogue on new lines and leave space between your paragraphs. Also, be careful of how you use commas. Right now you have a lot of commas where there should be periods. Remember that each sentence is a single thought. If you're trying to fit multiple thoughts into a sentence, then you're most likely using the commas wrong. Try reading a lot more (not just stuff on this site, but English books too) so you can get a sense of how other authors use them.