Redemption

Redemption

A Story by Birdsong888
"

A modern ghost story

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Michael had been dead a long time, but not as long as he had been alive. He was 36 years old, or he
had been that day. Technically, he should now be 56, had he left the house a few minutes later, or
cycled to work.
Daffodils were now blooming in the carefully kept borders of the park, in which Michael was a
prisoner. Floral gems, which he could neither touch nor smell. Droplets of dew from the freshly
mown grass did not cling to Michael’s shoes. A crisp April breeze blew, not ruffling a single hair on
his head.
He had come to realise a few things in the days and weeks that followed the crash. He had been
stripped of his senses. Only his hearing and sight seemed unaffected. Nobody could see, hear or feel
him. Although strangely dogs seemed to sense his presence. He was only able to move within the
confines of the park, the gates and railings forming his cage. Finally, nobody else who had died in the
accident had remained a ghost like him, he was alone.
“Here he comes,” Michael said to himself, as he spied a plump middle aged man entering the park at
a slow jog, wheezing as he made his a way down the path edging the road side.
“Come on, speed it up,” he shouted. “Good lord, you’ve been doing this every day for the last month,
you would think you would look less like Jeremy Biggins in a sauna by now,” he jeered as the jogger
lumbered past.
These one way conversations were the only interactions he had had for the past twenty years and
Michael had removed the filter a long time ago, saying exactly what he thought, all of the time.
There were none of the little niceties which grace most human interactions. What was the point?
Being kind would bring no benefit to Michael. He was that tree, the one that fell in the woods, the
one that no one could hear.
He thought about the day of his death often. The squeal of the brakes, metal grinding against metal,
a blizzard of glass. Details of his life before were hazy, the loss of his senses dulling his memories.
That day was clear in his mind though. Cruelly vivid in every way.
He shook his head, as if to shake the horror from his eyes and hugged himself in the weak sunlight,
from which he could feel no warmth. Why was he here? He had asked himself the question a
thousand times. 20 years of joggers and dog walkers, children playing football, mothers chatting over
coffee. Tramps swigging cider from cans, fun fairs, foxes, cyclists and yoga, young couples in love,
drunken brawls and lunchtime office workers. He was a fly on the wall. Just a spectator, a silent
witness, a seedy voyeur, haunted by the living.
“Hello Doris, you crusty old bag” The elderly lady was slowly shuffling towards the park’s café, for her
usual morning cup of tea. Trotting behind her, were two Westland Terriers, Angus and Morag, who
growled as they passed Michael.
“Flea bags!” he barked, narrowing his dark green eyes.
“Morning Doris,” beamed Todd the café owner with a bright smile. “Would you like a croissant with
your tea this morning, on the house?”
Todd gave Angus and Morag a dog treat each and returned to the kitchen, leaving Doris to spread her
croissant with raspberry jam. Michael glanced at the table, then tore his eyes away. He didn’t want to
see the hot tea poured carefully into the cup, drops of cool milk transforming it to a golden brown, as
the steam curled languidly upwards. He didn’t want to hear the crunch of buttery pastry or imagine
the sweetness of the sticky jam. Torture, by a thousand cuts.
Still gazing out of the café window smeared with children’s hand prints, he was pulled back once
again to the days after crash. Police tape and officers guarding the scene next to the park. Friends
and family of the victims, coming to gently place bouquets of flowers. He used to sneer at those
little shrines as he passed them on a roadside, with their faded laminated pictures and wilted
moulding flowers. How tragic and crass. Grief should be private, dignified. How ironic, that he should
have his own.
Seeing his mother that day had made his heart burst. She was helped from a car by a neighbour.
Wrapped in a thick winter coat, it had been Christmas Eve and the bitter wind stung the eyes of the
bereaved as they wept by the railings of the park. Wisps of her grey hair fluttered around the brim of
her blue hat. Skin papery soft, as fragile as a moth’s wings. She edged closer to the gates, clutching a
small bunch of roses so hard that Michael could see the whites of her knuckles standing out on her
thin veined hands. He tried to read the card on the flowers, but it had turned to the side and he
couldn’t move it. What did it say, he imagined. He hadn’t been a great son, not even a good one. She
had come back a few times, his birthday and the anniversary of the crash. Each time, smaller and
frailer as if she too were becoming a ghost. Then she had stopped coming at all…
Bang Bang Bang, Michael was startled from his reverie by a small red haired boy, banging on the
window of the café.
“Eugh the little maggot,” Michael groaned has he moved towards the door. Following behind was a
woman, pushing a buggy. Her red hair was scraped back into a messy bun. She had dark circles under
her hazel eyes and she wore a crumpled blue dress and a look of total exhaustion.
“You’ve only yourself to blame,” Michael remarked as she tried to control the young boy, who was
now throwing mud at the café windows. The woman rushed passed Michael, in order to buy the boy
a placatory ice cream. “Unbelievable,” Michael muttered and stuck his foot out, to try and trip the
boy up as he ran past, to no effect.
If I was his father he thought and then stopped….. Picturing the little girl in her mother’s arms, a
shock of dark brown hair and beautiful green eyes, the colour of sun rich olives. She had clutched his
finger in her soft pudgy hand. He couldn’t remember her name now, it had faded like many of his
memories, the details slipping away. He remembered he had left her though, in the arms of her
mother and had never seen them again.
The sun rose above the trees the next morning with relentless punctuality, casting long shadows
across the parks lawns.
“Come on you jelly bellied lump” Michael bellowed, on his way to the tennis courts as the morning
jogger wheezed past. Only then did he notice a woman sitting on a bench near the shelter. She was
wearing jeans with a faded New order t-shirt. Her long brown hair covering her face, as she held her
head in her hands and silently wept.
“Oh stop the blubbing, no one wants to see all that snot and self-pity,” he said as he walked passed.
The woman gasped and looked up at him with unbelieving hurt etched across her face. Michael
froze, in utter disbelief.
“What did you say?” She said, her eyes ablaze.
Michael could say nothing, his words were caught in his throat. He stared at her, his eyes agog, his
mouth open. How could this be? He tried to speak again, but all that would come out was an
incomprehensible stammering noise as he backed away from the woman, as if she were an escaped
tiger.
“That’s right, sod off,” she said as Michael had finally managed to get the message from his brain to
his legs, to move. He turned and ran.
He hid behind a tree, his brain failing to comprehend what had happened. He waited, his legs
trembling all the while, until the woman finally left the park, hand in hand with a small child. That’s
when it hit him, like a lorry smashing into a bus on a cold winter’s morning. There had been his
chance, his only chance to speak to someone in 20 years and he had run away. This woman might
have only just left the park but she may as well be on the other side of the Atlantic Ocean. He sat
grief stricken and prayed to a god he had long stopped talking to, for her to return.
Summer, after a very wet and windy start had finally arrived. Todd the café owner had a spring in his
step, as he was dating the café assistant, Belinda. Michael sat with a gloomy expression on his face,
as he watched Todd smile over at Belinda whilst she was wiping the tables down.
“He picks his nose, you do know that?” said Michael to Belinda as she rinsed her cloth. Belinda gave
Todd a smile and a suggestive wink. Vomit inducing, coming in here will be like walking over broken
glass, whilst this is going on, Michael thought.
Doris was speaking to her new friend Margery at the next table. Angus and Morag eyeing Michael
warily.
“Well I’ve been on my own for nearly 30 years, you get used to it. Angus and Morag keep me
company, don’t you?” said Doris, looking down at the dogs affectionately.
“Yes my Burt went a long time ago,” said Margery in agreement.
“Was it cancer dear?” asked Doris sympathetically.
“No, I wish it had been. He ran off with that woman who used to deliver the Avon magazines,” said
Margery. “Course, she left him 6 months later for a man with a fancy car. He asked to come back
then, said he missed me and the kids,” added Margery, with a sigh.
“I hope you told him to sling his hook?” said Doris.
“I did,” said Margery with a chuckle. “Once he’d gone, we all realised we were happier without him.
Funny how things work out for the best”.
“I’m not listening to this tripe” Michael exclaimed and walked out of the open café door, passed the
playground and there she was, the woman from the bench, standing in front of him with her arms
folded.
“I wondered how long it would be till I caught up with you, where have you been? Victimising some
old lady or pulling the shell off a snail?” She said jabbing a finger in his direction.
“I don’t know what you are talking about,” stammered Michael.
“Yes you do, every time I see you, you seem to be shouting at people, I don’t know how they do it,
but they manage to ignore you. I’m surprised someone hasn’t knocked you out”. She said, colour
flooding her cheeks.
“She’s been watching me!” Michael thought, flabbergasted “Look I’m sorry, I didn’t think you could
hear me the other day,” he said, raising his hands apologetically in a don’t shoot gesture.
“That makes it worse, you absolute coward! What gives you the right to make these comments,
heard or unheard, like some kind of troll. Do you get a kick out of it? I should arrest you on a Public
order charge, but you are not worth the paper work.” She said, as she ran her fingers through her
long hair, returning them to her hips.
Michael was not sure why she was calling him a troll and he knew that he should probably be
offended but this was the first conversation he had had in years and it was both exhilarating and
terrifying.
“I’m really sorry and you’re a police woman, erm officer, erm person.” Michael stumbled and took a
deep breath (or would have done if he’d been able to) “Please, I’m sorry, I was having a bad day,” he
offered, as some sort of explanation
“A bad day?” she exclaimed “when you decided to tell me to stop blubbing, that morning my
husband had told me he was leaving me and my little boy. What was your bad day, did you look in
the mirror or something?”
He was starting to like this girl, very much against his better judgement.
“Someone died,” Michael said. It was true, it was him and he’d been having a bad day ever since.
“Oh,” she faltered, “I’m sorry, it still doesn’t mean you can go around being awful to everyone.”
“You’re right,” he said “I’m really sorry”.
“Right well that’s that then, try not to be such an arsehole in future. I had better go, everyone is
staring at us,” she said, turning to go.
Staring at you, Michael thought. This was not the first conversation in two decades that he had been
hoping for. It left him shaky and sweating, but it had also left him wanting more. He felt a spark of
humanity ignite in him, so small and weak, but it was there.
He returned to the café in a daze, just as Belinda brought Doris and Margery their tea with toast and
marmalade. Michael looked at the hot buttery toast and sighed.
Doris remarked “Ah look at the two love birds,” pointing over at Todd and Belinda. “It’s nice to see
young people having fun.”
“Talking of young people, my Grandchildren are coming to stay this weekend or the wildlings, as I like
to call them.” Margery cackled.
“Bit of a handful?” Doris asked.
“You could say that. They’re like three mini tornados. Wouldn’t be without them though. I do love
em’, love it when they leave too,” she said, with a wrinkly smile.
“How about you, you got any Grandchildren?” asked Margery.
Doris turned to look out of the café window, as if she was looking into the past. “Possibly,” she said,
mysteriously. “Don’t think I’ll ever know. My charlotte left home at 17 and we never saw her again.
She was so impetuous, so angry with the world, with us. We shouldn’t have been so strict, I see that
now.”
Tears pooled in the corners of her eyes and she sighed and gave Angus a little tickle behind his ear,
which was to comfort her, as much as it did him.
“Oh dear, I am so sorry,” said Margery earnestly, wishing she had never asked.
“Cheery, so very cheery,” Said Michael rolling his eyes.
It was a week later that he spotted her. He had thought about their next conversation. He couldn’t
talk to her in front of other people. Lest they would start to think the woman was stark raving mad.
He also didn’t want her to know that he was a ghost, he didn’t want to frighten her off. She might
think she was going insane and would never return to the park.
It was dusk and she sat under a tree reading a book. She looked paler and thinner than before.
“Hello,” he said, gently. “I saw you from across the park and thought you looked sad….”
“And you thought you would tell me to stop whining,” she interrupted him, with a scowl.
“No no, I just thought I would say hello that’s all, sort of start again,” he offered, with a shy smile. “Is
it your husband, the reason that you look sad.” He winced at this over familiarity. His rusty social
skills needed conversational oil. But she just nodded and broke down in silent sobs. Michael
tentatively sat down on the grass next to her. He was unsure what to say or do. He was never really
very good at these things, even when he was alive.
“He’s gone.” she whispered. “He just walked out. The house is on the market already. Poor Mikey
doesn’t know what’s going on. He cries at the slightest thing and has night terrors. He just wants his
daddy. The b*****d hasn’t called to speak to him, not once. I don’t know why I’m telling you this, I
hardly know you. It’s strange, maybe it’s because I know that you don’t feel sorry for me.” She said
with a grimace.
“I feel sorry for him, he sounds like an absolute arse.” Michael said, vehemently. The woman smiled
at him and nodded. “I’m sorry I don’t know your name,” asked Michael.
“It’s Kat, Kat Turner.” she said blowing her nose noisily into a tissue.
“Or PC Turner?” Michael said, with a smile. “And Mikey is the little chap I saw you with the other
day?”
“Yes, that’s him, poor little man. He’s at my Mums tonight so I can have a break. Thank God I’ve got
her, she’s the only family me and my brother have, my Dad walked out on us a long time ago. Seems
like history is repeating itself.” she said, the tears starting again.
Michael thought about the child he had left and felt a wave of self-loathing. Why had he left? Was
he that selfish? Did he feel trapped in a relationship he hadn’t intended to be long-term? Possibly.
The overwhelming emotion he could remember was fear. Fear of failure, fear of rejection, fearful
that he simply wasn’t good enough. Walking away was easier than finding out if his fears were valid.
“Men are idiots,” he said, shaking his head.
“Is that an apology on behalf of the male population?” She asked with a smile.
“Yes, that was an official expression of regret,” he said with a bow.
“Well thank you…” she paused, realising she didn’t know his name.
“It’s Michael,” he said, with a smile. He didn’t offer to shake her hand, one step at a time. “I’m a
writer,” he lied. “I often come to the park to sit and think, and people watch.”
“I’m not going to end up in one of your stories, am I?” She asked, with a grimace.
“Don’t worry, I have plenty enough material with Doris and Margery in the café,” he laughed. He
actually laughed. It felt so good.
“Well, Michael the writer, I have to go and meet my brother for a drink now, he’s trying to cheer me
up,” She said, rolling her eyes. “So I had better go and be cheered up. Thanks for the chat; It’s nice to
be able to talk to someone who doesn’t give a s**t,” she said, with a mischievous smile.
“Happy to not give a s**t, anytime,” he said, as he watched her gather her things. “See you around
some time,” he went on to say, with a forced casualness he didn’t feel. She waved him a goodbye and
walked towards the gate. Michael sat on the grass and cried. Tear of joy and grief. He rejoiced in the
feelings of what it was to be human, to be kind, to listen, to laugh. He grieved for the loss of his life in
which he had taken these things for granted.
He sat under the tree as a gloomy dusk turned to night. Thinking of Kat and their conversation, he
felt something he had not felt in a long time. Hope. The nights were lonely, he had never slept, these
20 years. He had tried at first but sleep would never come. As the noises of the day faded, other
sounds punctuated the stillness. The eerie cry of a fox, the squeak of a fat rat as it rummaged
through the café bins. The weekends were better with late night revellers often cutting through the
park. Loud and drunk, unsteady on their feet, clutching one another, laughing.
Michael heard a noise then that drew him away from his thoughts of Kat. A click clack sound of high
heels on the path. He looked up and saw a young woman walking the unmistakeable zigzag gait of
the tipsy. She had a phone in her hand, to light her way. She stumbled a little and dropped it. It
smashed on the path. She swore and bent to pick it up, it was then that Michael saw him. He was sat
in the shelter, dressed in black, hood up. The man started to slowly move then, like a leviathan
woken from its slumber.
Michael got up, feelings of dread creeping up his body like a cold mist and watched as the man
started to take slow lazy steps towards the woman. She had started to walk again now. Click clack
click clack, like a homing beacon to him. Maybe she had heard something or maybe it was instinct,
but she turned to look behind her and saw him. She quickly turned back and increased her pace.
“Run!” Michael screamed and even though he knew she couldn’t hear him, the girl started to run.
Michael ran to the man, whose face was a mask of sickening hunger and malice. Michael tried to
push him back, his arms sank into the man’s body like smoke through a net. Although he couldn’t
look, Michael knew he had caught her once the noise of her heels had stopped. He couldn’t turn
around, his impotence paralysed him, that was until he heard her scream. He ran then, to the edges
of his confines, to the road and screamed into the night for help, his screams echoing hers. Tears
running down his face, he screamed hopelessly until his voice grew hoarse.
“Michael?” Had he heard his name?
“Michael is that you? What the hell? What are you doing?”
From across the road, two figures were running towards the park. He could not believe his eyes. Kat
and what must be her brother, were now heading for the gate. Kat’s brother, looking perplexed,
repeatedly glanced from his sister to the park in a state of utter confusion. Michael wasted no time.
“There’s a man attacking a girl,” he said, frantically pointing into the gloom. Kat nodded grimly and
ran past him, her brother in pursuit. He knew when they had caught the man, he could hear a
kerfuffle of shouts and punches and then a soothing voice, which must have been Kat’s as she
comforted the girl. He could not go over to them, he could not put Kat in that position, she might
lose her job or indeed question her own sanity.
That night, after the blue lights had faded and stillness had returned. Michael sat with his head in his
hands and wept, trembling as he brushed tears from his newly opened eyes.
The next morning Kat made her way to the Café, she had searched every inch of the park looking for
him, but he wasn’t there.
“Have you seen a gentleman by the name of Michael in the café this
morning, I believe he is a regular?” Kat asked. Dressed in her uniform, she was questioning Todd the
Café Owner. “He’s about 5ft 11, mid 30s, brown hair, always seemed to be wearing a white shirt, thin
black tie with piano keys on it and black trousers, which were a little too short, white socks and slip
on black shoes. He’s a writer, you must have seen him; he was always here. He witnessed and
prevented an attack taking place in the park last night,” Kat added. Todd shook his head
apologetically and said that he couldn’t recall seeing him at all.
Kat turned to the old lady who was sitting at the table with two Highland Terriers at her feet. The old
lady had the most curious expression on her face and seemed to be staring at Kat, opened mouthed.
“I’m sorry dear” the old lady said, shaking her head in disbelief “but you are the absolute image of
my daughter Charlotte, but she must be at least 50 now,” she added, a little sadly.
“That’s funny, my mums called Charlotte,” Kat said, with a smile. “I’m PC Turner, I’m looking for a
witness to a crime last night. His name is Michael, he’s a writer….”
But Doris wasn’t listening, she just said slowly. “My name’s Doris Turner”.

© 2024 Birdsong888


Author's Note

Birdsong888
Any advice welcome, first story written
Please ignore formatting if you can, it did not copy and paste very well

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First, minor point: When posting on most online sites you can’t indent paragraphs with spaces or tabs, because they’re stripped out. On some sites the only alternative is double spacing. But this site does translate indentation properly if indentation is done using the top ruler of a WP like Word.

Next:

• Michael had been dead a long time, but not as long as he had been alive.

This makes perfect sense as you read it, but you cheat. You begin reading with both context and intent guiding your understanding. You know who Michael was when alive, and, when/where that was. So for you, each line of the story points to situations, images, and events that are waiting to be called up from your mind. And that makes the story live as you read it.

But you’re not the one reading. So for the reader, each line points to situations, images, and events that are waiting to be called up from *YOUR* mind...which can’t happen, and which leaves the reader lacking the context that would make your words meaningful.

Given that we know nothing about where we are, who we are, or what's going on as we read the line, from a reader’s viewpoint: is a “long time” a month? A year? A century? The terms is relative, and so, lacking context, the words are meaningless as read. And while you might say to read on and it will become clear, two things come into play:

First, readers won’t read on. Confuse them and they turn away right then. And doesn’t your story deserve better that that? It truly pays to dig into the tricks that the pros take for granted.

And second, Michael’s’s dead. Who cares how long it is if we don’t know when the “now” of the story is, and why the length of time matters. The order in which information is presented is critical to being meaningful as read.

Bottom line: In this, you’re trying to tell the reader a story by transcribing yourself. That works when you read it because you place emotion into your voice, and use gesture, body language, and changes of facial expression to provide the emotional component of the story. And because it does, it's the most common trap that hopeful writers fall into.

So for you, the story lives. But, strip out your foreknowledge of the situation and performance and what does the reader have? A storyteller’s script and no idea of how you want it performed. So as THEY read it, it’s a dispassionate voice reporting and explaining. Informative? Perhaps. But entertaining? No.

Unfortunately, as I said, you’ll not see the problems as you read. And who tries to fix what they don’t see as being a problem?

What we all miss when we turn to writing fiction is that they offer degree programs in Commercial Fiction Writing. Would they do that if the writing skills we’re given in school worked for fiction? Of course not.

So the bad news is that to write fiction, even on a hobby level, we need to learn at least the basics of writing fiction. The good news is that when using those skills, the act of writing becomes a LOT more fun, because you and the reader LIVE the adventure, as against hearing about it secondhand.

To better see what I mean, try a few chapters of Debra Dixon’s, GMC: Goal Motivation & Conflict. I think you’ll often find yourself saying, “But wait.... That makes perfect sense. How in the pluperfect hells could I not have seen it WITHOUT having to have it pointed out?

Of course, after the tenth time that happens you’ll probably be growling the words, and pounding your forehead on the table.😆

https://archive.org/details/goal.motivation.conflictdebradixon/page/n5/mode/2up

But whatever you do, don’t let this throw you. We all start out with a poor crap-to-gold ratio because we assume that writing-is-writing, and believe we have that taken care of.

If only.... It never gets easier. But, with work and study we can become confused on a higher level, and shift that ratio a bit toward gold.

For an overview of the traps and gotchas in wait for the new writer, you might check a few of my articles and YouTube videos.

But whatever you do, hang in there and keep on writing.

Jay Greenstein
Articles: https://jaygreenstein.wordpress.com/category/the-craft-of-writing/the-grumpy-old-writing-coach/
Videos: https://www.youtube.com/@jaygreenstein3334

---------
“Good writing is supposed to evoke sensation in the reader. Not the fact that it’s raining, but the feeling of being rained upon.”
~ E. L. Doctorow

“It ain’t what you don’t know that gets you into trouble. It’s what you know for sure that just ain’t so.”
~ Mark Twain

Posted 6 Months Ago


1 of 3 people found this review constructive.

JayG

6 Months Ago

• I sell my labor for a salary.

And waste your nights with this crap instead of l.. read more
JayG

6 Months Ago

Birdsong:

I'm really sorry about this, so I'll stop responding to his crap in your th.. read more
Davidgeo

6 Months Ago

You're not sorry Jay... you've been leaving reviews here more now because of the trolling. Just ad.. read more

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Added on October 2, 2024
Last Updated on October 2, 2024
Tags: #ghoststory, #lighthearted, #twist

Author

Birdsong888
Birdsong888

United Kingdom