Daisy (Chapter 3)

Chapter 3

                            October 2010

            Nicolas Capriani had better things to do and yet here he was at this so-called meeting. He leaned against the wall saying nothing and that was all that was needed. People feared him and rightly so but things changed. His purpose for being here was only to intimidate someone for one of his uncles and a cousin or two. This was his company so they all worked for him. So why didn’t he get to choose if he wanted to be here or not? Oh right because his brother was really the one running the company secretly. His new obsession kept him busy and distracted but it was his secret. And his brother was suspecting that the rest of the family was starting to see a change in him. If they thought he was weak they would attack. Wonderful family, they liked to pick off the weak ones. Too bad for then that even distracted he could do worse things than they could ever dream of.

            In his nearly 30 years of living he’d been so driven and focused and ambitious. He was also ruthless, occasionally murderous and not someone anyone wanted as an enemy. His lifetime of hard work and devotion to the family businesses was what got him where he was now.  In the blink of an eye with a chance meeting his whole life changed. He found his wife, his soul mate his whole life, basically. Now he had three beautiful daughters and a house full of family he couldn’t get rid of. If anyone saw him with his girls yeah they would think he’d changed. With his immediate family he could be loving and sometimes fun and that was ok. Actually he liked that they were thinking he was weak. That meant they would under estimate him.

            Maybe he would take a week off just to spend time with his family. Doing that would further mislead those idiots that he was unfortunately related to. If his father could still follow him after he overthrew him than the others could fall in line. Even though no one could contest him already because he was majority shareholder, they would plot. Too bad with his brothers’ shares that gave him even more power. But nothing got him out of having to pretend like all of this still mattered to him. The truth was that he had everything he thought he wanted. He had a house full of people and he wasn’t alone anymore. And he was the boss now. After working so hard his whole life and proving himself and sacrificing having a life or knowing what fun was, something was missing.

            Well he knew what was missing that was what he was working on fixing. Everything could be fixed, right? He was willing to do anything to fix this. It wasn’t that he was unhappy with his family, he loved them. His wife brought love and happiness into his boring solitary life. They had almost been married a year and it had been a very hard and draining year. For their anniversary he wanted to give her something very special and unexpected. Thus was why he was too busy to care about work. At least Jose understood and he offered to take over. Though his brother had his own issued that he was dealing with at the moment. Family was never easy you always had to work at it, it seemed his family had to work extra hard. Especially his in-laws, but that was a different story.

            Nicolas realized that he seriously zoned out when someone got their face smashed into the desk. Since he really hadn’t been paying attention he didn’t even remember what this meeting was about or who it was with. One of his hotheaded cousins was the one to attack. He didn’t react; he’d trained himself against that. But he did look at Jose, who subtly shook his head. There was arguing and his uncle restrained his hotheaded son. It wasn’t the first time a meeting resulted in violence. Nicolas however was more discreet with things than the rest of his family. So he went back to thinking and didn’t say a word, what was the point? It was late enough that the office was empty, everyone went home already. This was boring he needed to get home; he was already late and missed dinner. These days dinner was a family affair and the in-laws were always there. He didn’t mind because it meant if he wasn’t there his wife couldn’t complain as much. Tomorrow he would be there for sure; he needed to spend more time at home.

            If only this crap could be over then he could leave, he hadn’t seen his girls all day. When he glanced at the door he was no longer lost in thought. No, he was in trouble now. His wife was outside the door and when he caught her eye he saw that look. The look that said he was in trouble. Though this had nothing to do with him she wasn’t going to see that. Jose must have noticed her too before she walked longer carrying about keeping up appearances he left.  Once he was out of the office he sprinted to the elevator, that’s where she was.

            “What are you doing here?” Nicolas asked and turned to look at him.

            “Your daughters wanted to see their daddy,” she said.

            “The girls are here?” He asked and she nodded.

            “They are in your office; Gloria’s assistant told me you had a meeting. So I came to find you,” she replied.

            “It’s not what you think,” he said and she rolled her eyes.

            “Whatever you say,” she shrugged. “I’m done caring what you do or who you do it to. There is never an end to it and what will I lose next because of you? I’m not letting you hurt them; I’m not going to lose them.”

            “Just let me explain,” he pleaded but she got in the elevator. He jumped in too but he knew he couldn’t fix this like he could other things. “Trust me I didn’t want to be there I didn’t know what they were up to. What I should have done was come home.”

            “Should you come home? You’re never there anymore anyway. Or if you are home you’re locked in your office. So you can keep on doing whatever you f*****g want to and I will be a parent,” she said. The trouble with her was that she could always look him in the eyes and stare him down.

            Wildflower, the love his life and his beautiful wife. Even glaring at him he thought she was beautiful. From the moment he laid eyes on her he was hooked. There was something about her that was irresistible and he still felt that way about her. Becoming a mother changed her and he liked her this way. What he wanted to do was kiss her, to hold her to run his fingers through her curly black hair. But he’d broken a part of her and she was never going to completely trust him again. Silently he followed her back to his office. When it came to her he couldn’t talk his way out of trouble. So he didn’t say anything, she needed actions not words. As soon as she opened the door Amber came running to him.

            “I missed you Daddy,” Amber told him. Tabitha was right behind her sister hugging him. Being a father was new for him but he loved it.

            Four months ago him and his wife adopted Amber and Tabitha. It hadn’t been long but he felt like it was forever. They changed his life. And it took a second to notice his first adopted daughter. Allie was technically his sister’s daughter but last year they adopted her. She was sitting at his desk and obviously sensed something was wrong. Wildflower wouldn’t look at him but she smiled for the little ones. Tonight he was probably not sleeping in his bed, wouldn’t be the first time. This had to stop; he wanted things how they were before, when she was happy. Though maybe she never really was happy with him and never would be.

            “Allie, can you take your sisters to the car please?” Wildflower said and for a moment Allie stared at her.

            “Alright, come on munchkins,” Allie said getting up.

            “Are you coming home with us?” Tabitha asked him.

            “Yes, I’ll be there soon,” he assured them.

            Reluctantly the girls left but Wildflower stayed. What could he say to her that he hadn’t said before? If he was her he would be tired of himself too. Nothing he ever did was right when it came to her. Everything about her shook up his world. He could talk his way out of anything unless it involved her. He never use to feel guilty about anything but now he did. Oh how did and he had to live with the decisions he made. Unfortunately his family had to pay the price, especially his wife.

            “Just listen to me, ok? That whole thing was them and I wasn’t there by choice. I know you think it’s an excuse but it’s the truth. Do I lie to you? When you asked me to change I did and you have to trust me,” he told her.

            “Nick, I would love to believe that I can trust you but I can’t. We’ve grown so far apart lately that I’m not sure what’s going to happen anymore. Is your job and random acts of violence and torture really worth it? Do you know what they ask me? Tabby asked me if you really love them and if you really wanted them,” she said. There were tears in her eyes when she looked at him. “If you didn’t want this then we shouldn’t have adopted them.”

            “F**k,” was all he managed to say. “You know I love them I’ve just had a lot going on and I’m sorry.”

            “Maybe we need time apart,” she said.

            “Why? Do you want an excuse to go f**k your boyfriend?” He asked and she stared, oh he hadn’t meant to say that.

            “Ok yeah I’m done; you don’t want a family you don’t have to have one. We’ve been doing fine without you so have fun. Just explain to them why you can’t love anybody. Tell Allie that too.”

            “I’m not going to let you take my family away; we just need to fix this. I didn’t mean it; I’ve just been stressed out.”

            “I’ll do whatever I have to and you do what you need to. My girls come first for me and I can raise them on my own. And I will figure out how to keep Allie from falling apart again because of you. Have a nice night Nick,” she said walking pass him.

            “Stop, I love our girls all three of them you know that. I would never do anything to hurt them or you. I’m just working on something and I’m sorry it’s taking up so much time. But that’s not a reason for us not to be together. Just give me a little time and everything will be good again. Even if you don’t trust me I’m telling you I’m going to make it all right,” he paused. “Remember the summer? Were you happy then? Trust me.”

            “Can you just come home to put the girls to bed? I don’t care if you stay or not but they want to have a father,” she replied. Then she left and he let her go.

            “Why don’t you tell her?” Jose asked him when he appeared in the doorway. Of course his brother was listening in. What was privacy anymore?

            “No, she’s already disappointed in me enough I can’t tell her. This is one thing I can’t afford to screw up. I’ll figure out how to deal with this current situation and it will be fine,” he said. Wow he didn’t even believe that, maybe he really finally destroyed his marriage. “Now I’m going to go home and kiss my daughters good night. And possibly get stabbed by one of my wife’s brothers.”

            “Good luck,” Jose replied. With a nod Nicolas headed out. He hated for the girls to think he didn’t love them. It was sort of ironic that the whole reason he was so distracted lately was because he wanted to give his wife a gift. And he wanted to add to their family but he was losing his family instead.

 

 

Ricky Laiez never once in his life had a moment that was uncomplicated. By now he should have been use to it but he was still trying. Why? He didn’t know it always ended up the same. Sometimes he was certain that he was being punished. But then he felt guilty for thinking of his family as a punishment. It wasn’t their fault; they didn’t do things that did to hurt him. Well sometimes he felt like they did.  For a long time he was training himself not to get angry about things he couldn’t change. In most cases that actually worked. In the one thing that mattered most, it didn’t, not really. It had been when he was closer to accepting himself more than he had all his life that she happened. And everything was complete chaos.

            As a child he should have accepted what he knew early on. But it seemed that females were always what changed his life. At 5 years old he met Angel on the first day of kindergarten. She was hiding in a corner watching him so he went to say hi. And what did she do? She kissed him, which he hadn’t expected at all. After that they were sort of inseparable, she decided that they were going to get married one day. From that day on they were together and as they got older they made plans for a future together. Angel was everything to him, he did love her. His parents especially loved her and they encouraged the relationship, especially his father. It was all so perfect, too perfect in fact.

            No matter how much he loved Angel and no matter how much he wanted a future with her. He knew on some level that it would never happen. Denial only worked for so long and he’d been denying his whole life. And he remembered a question he asked his father when he was young. His father was conservative for the most part and very traditional. That was how he was raised by his strict parents in Brazil and it was how he raised his children. The question was about something he saw, two men kissing. How did his father react to his curiosity an innocent question? Vance Laiez flipped out and it definitely scared Ricky for life. His father went on a tirade that seemed to last for days or all of eternity.

            The short version of what he was told was that homosexuality was wrong and shameful. And it was “something you did to shame your family”. It was then that he knew that he could never tell his father that he was attracted to guys. Part of him felt like maybe his father knew but was hoping it would go away. He had been an obedient son and he didn’t want to disappoint his father. So he hid that part of himself and stayed in a relationship with the girl he loved. Everything was confusing to him for a very long time. How could he still be attracted to girls when he was certain that he was gay?

            There was no one for him to confide in or talk to at all. For awhile he broke up with Angel because he felt guilty. During his break from her he had sex with other girls sort of as an experiment. If he could have sex with a girl then what did that mean? Fear and guilt and shame kept him from pursuing any male attraction. Still confused and maybe more so, he got back with Angel. She was his love and his future, they had plans. So then he did what he was putting off and had sex with her. His father let Angel stay over their house and sleep in his bed. Maybe he thought that Ricky could be fixed? That was the only thing that made sense. What father let his 15 year old son have sex with his girlfriend in a house with 10 other kids?

            Eventually and maybe because it was after his father died, he told the truth. First to Angel and a few years later his family. To his surprise his siblings didn’t think it was so awful of a thing. So unburdened he moved on with his life. For more than a decade he was sort of fine with being gay. Or more like he worked and avoided any kind of potential relationship or attachment. Work and family were his excuse and with his family there was always something. One summer night over a year ago one of his brothers decided to take an interest in his lack of a love life. Though he did not go to gay bars he was bored and went along with it. Then somehow he bet his brother that he could get more phone numbers than him or something. There was liquor involved and he wanted to prove that he could pick up a woman if he wanted to.

            What started out as something almost fun ended up into something he never expected. There was a woman and she was beautiful, he never stopped being attracted to women. To this day he wasn’t sure how she talked him into taking her back to his apartment. His lonely empty silent apartment that had been his escape from his family. Sydney was different from anybody he ever met and she amused him. Part of him wanted to tell her she was wasting her time but for some reason he didn’t understand, he didn’t. She ended up in his bed and she wanted something to happen. It had been a long time and part of him wanted to. And so he did and a one night stand turned into something he never saw coming.

Now because of Sydney his life was turned completely upside down. There was no longer any hope of making it right again. No going back to hiding and being alone and lying to himself and feeling ashamed. He didn’t really understand any of this and probably never would. But one tiny choice changed his life forever. If he knew things would end up this way he would have just embraced being gay. His father’s opinions and beliefs got him through 32 years of living. Nobody could help him now, and for the first time in his life he couldn’t be responsible. At 15 he took on the responsibility of his whole family which included 11 siblings and a crazy mother. Chaos, his life was chaos and he wasn’t sure what was right anymore.

 

After finding out his self proclaimed girlfriend was pregnant four months ago Ricky was lost. This of course was a few months after he went on a family vacation to Brazil for Christmas and had sex with his ex. Actually it wasn’t just sex and nothing about it was random. Since Angel showed up in town swearing she was changed he’d been thinking about her. Maybe it was before that, the first time he was with Sydney. His curiosity led him to having a sort of fling. Was it considered a fling if you really loved that person?

The problem was that he knew he loved Sydney too. With Angel he had history and most of his life. Sydney was annoying clingy and stubborn, but God help him he loved her. Even if he didn’t want a girlfriend he got one. Torn between two women, he didn’t know what to do. His family thought it was funny. If it wasn’t his life maybe he would find a gay guy in a love triangle with two women, amusing. Angel had teenage twins that he somehow ended up partially raised. Their father was never around for them so he was there. He loved them both like they were his own and they wanted him like their mother did. They wanted to be a family. Wasn’t that what he’d always planned with Angel?

Making a choice was hard after the trip where the twins made it clear what they wanted. He went home to a hysterical Angel who he was completely honest with. What he never understood was why was this beautiful woman with him when she knew everything? No matter how many times he denied he had a girlfriend and tried to push her away, she stayed. So when he admitted to the thing with Angel he expected her to be done. Nope, Sydney stuck around and at first he didn’t understand. There was guilt, fighting, jealousy and paranoia and still she stayed. He felt awful about it but he couldn’t change it. The thing he felt bad about was that she was hurt not exactly about what he did. That was the first sign his life was spinning out of control.

After over a month of the crying and drama he decided to finally just break up with her. Somehow she talked him out of it telling him she loved him and they were soul mates and worst of all that she forgave him. Maybe he should have suspected something from how hard she was holding on to their relationship. But he was weak and pathetic and couldn’t stand to see her cry anymore. Angel gave up her quest of 26 years of loving him so that he could be free. She knew what it meant to him to be free from having to take care of everybody and be responsible for everything. Sydney knew too because he told her everything, for once he could confide in someone. Then she called him home from work one afternoon and told him she was pregnant.

It had been four months since she confessed that she basically tricked him into getting her pregnant. Why? Because she wanted him to marry her, his one shot at freedom was gone. Though he knew that was the right thing to do because it was his child no matter how it happened. Her parents expected him to marry her and his mother expected it. However he couldn’t bring himself to give into her. As soon as Angel found out from her daughter what happened, she came to him. His siblings along with Angel and her children were all in agreement that he shouldn’t marry Sydney. And that he should get custody of their baby once he or she was born and keep Sydney away. That he couldn’t do, it was wrong no matter what she did.

Chaos, it started the moment Angel walked into his apartment to “check” on him. Somehow her “support” turned into sex. That had been going on for the last three months. Sydney still lived with him but he was having sex with Angel. Both women knew about the other of course and let him continue his bad behavior. It was awful what he was doing but he just didn’t care. He was having a moral crisis and couldn’t rely on things his father taught him anymore. Once he thought the worse thing in the world was being gay. In retrospect it really wouldn’t have been that bad. His father had medieval views and this was the modern more accepting world. None of it really mattered now because he had two women and two potential families and it was a shame he wasn’t a polygamist. Life would have been easier if he was though. Strangely enough this love triangle disaster made him stop thinking of men.

At the moment he was in bed with Angel staring at the ceiling thinking. She called wanting to come over to see him and here they were. He’d been working since he was 15 and it wasn’t till recently that he spent so much time not working. But he owned his own business so he could do what he wanted. Right now that included spending a little time with Angel. Sydney was at work at her family’s restaurant. These days Ricky felt like a stranger to himself and most likely to everyone else. His brothers were a little envious of him for having two women at once. Not that he wanted to be in this situation at all.

“I should go, huh?” Angel asked looking up at him. “Last time baby mama had her little hissy fit, I have to work tonight so no drama.”

“The stress is bad for the baby,” he replied.

“Have you thought about what we talked about?”

“Not now Ang, I’m not going to do it.”

“That little w***e is holding you hostage because she was stupid. She betrayed you Ricky; she stole your freedom from you. Even I wasn’t so selfish, I let go because I knew you needed it. Then what happens? Two seconds later she’s pregnant,” Angel said. She was of course angry and he’d heard this before.

“Complaining about it and dwelling on things I cannot change won’t get me anywhere. What I need to do is get a grip on reality and stop this mess,” he said. Of course that wasn’t what she wanted to hear.

“Sam and I were looking at houses again yesterday,” she said casually. “We could get an extra room for the baby. Come back to us and I swear we’ll accept your child and everything will be fine. If you wanted we could have children together. I’ve always thought about it you know?”

There she went talking crazy, again. They both did it and it was annoying. Fantasizing about a future with him that was never going to happen. Since he couldn’t do the right thing then he needed to put distance between himself and both women. The trouble with that was that he sort of needed to look after Sydney. Lying backstabbing so and so though she was he did still love her. And this was his child. Basically the only thing keeping him from getting rid of Sydney once and for all was the baby. Maybe he couldn’t pick who he wanted to be with but his morals were somewhere inside him. His child would be his responsibility and by association so was the mother.

“Stop talking,” he said and she stared at him. “I’m not dealing with anybody’s romanticized fantasies today. At this point I’m not marrying anyone, ever.”

“Why are you angry? I should be angry and so should baby mama, this can’t continue,” Angel said. Duh, he told them that all the time.

“Nobody forced you to come over here, you called me. I love you Angel but I don’t even know why you would want to be with me.”

“Because we are meant to be together and I didn’t wait around my whole life for nothing. I have loved you so long and I can’t stop. My kids love you and use to call you daddy. Who was there when they were born? You were there with me and I remember how you looked at them. Sydney doesn’t know you like I do and I admit I’ve had a bad few years. My kids want to live with me again and that’s amazing. All I need now is you.”

When she said things like this he wanted to give in. How was he really supposed to choose? He loved them both, in different ways but he did love them. It would have been more convenient for Angel to have been the pregnant one. Then he wouldn’t have had to choose, the answer would have been obvious. Now it was too hard. Choosing to give them both up and strictly be around for the sake of the children wasn’t an option. He dug himself in this hole and he just kept digging. What he really needed was a break and some perspective. Which he apparently wasn’t going to get because he definitely heard the door open. Screwed, he was forever screwed.

“Get dressed,” he told Angel. He got up and threw on some shorts and went to find Sydney. She wasn’t supposed to be home this early, not that it really mattered either way. “Syd, what are you doing here?”

“Well I unfortunately live here with you and I assume your w***e is getting dressed,” Sydney replied. “I feel sick all of the time and I don’t know why I thought coming home would do any good. My parents don’t think I should be working.”

“Are you ok? If you want to stop working its fine, I’ll take care of us,” he said.

“No, I’ll keep working because I’d rather be anywhere but here. Why do you want me here? I told you I will leave, torturing me isn’t helping anything.”

They were in the kitchen, the tears were coming. At least she was trying to hold them in this time. Before he could stop himself he went to her and put his arms around her. Yes, he did just have sex with another woman but Sydney needed it. Needed him. This was what his life was like it was an out of control rollercoaster. Maybe he was subconsciously using one to punish the other. It had to end, what was important was his child. Having Sydney upset like this was not good for anybody.

“Don’t worry I’ll take care of you no matter what,” he told her. “Just go lie down and I’ll make you something to eat. I won’t let her come back over because I don’t want you upset like this.”

“I’m sorry,” she whispered. “I know you don’t want me or this baby and you are never going to forgive me.”

“Stop worrying ok? We’ll get thought this Syd, just go in our bedroom,” he said. If he let her continue it would just get worse. Maybe he needed to quit sleeping with her at night because it wasn’t helping anything. Nothing he did ever made this any better, just worse.

“Ricky,” Angel called sounding bored. “I’m leaving, I’ll call you later.”

“Bye Ang,” he replied. With a wave she left smiling even though he was holding Sydney. To say this was a mess was an understatement of epic proportions.

 

 

            She couldn’t believe that her plan worked. Six years of planning and pretending and finally she would be free. There was only one place in the world that she wanted to go. It was funny because she’d spent her life trying to get out. Now she just wanted to get back home. To get her family back and tell them what happened. They would definitely be shocked to see her but she hoped they would be happy. And they could take her back and protect her. Well she didn’t really care about her own life anymore. No, she had her daughter to think about. For her she would get out of this place and away from him. The man that stole her life and convinced the world that she was dead.

It had been so long and so much had happened but her family she knew they would help her. All the times she took them for granted and all the times she complained or was mean, she regretted it. They had no idea about the things she’d gotten herself into. Keeping one secret was what changed her life completely. She never could have seen it coming. Things like this didn’t happen in real life. This was what happened in movies or TV shows or soap operas. But she’d been living this life so it was real and it was going to be over. She imaged her family a lot over the last six years. What were they like now? What was different? What was the same? Where they happy? Did they want her back?

When she thought of her behavior and how she acted towards her family she was so ashamed. But she could make it right somehow. All she had to do was get to them. They were the only thing that ever made her feel safe and loved and she just needed them. All those times she said she didn’t need them or want them ran through her mind. Daisy was going home and she tried not to have any expectations, but she needed her family. 

Reviews

[Uc Amalu Jr]

great!