Chapter 5: Reflection

Chapter 5: Reflection

It took a few minutes for when Ali woke up he didn’t know where he was. Wasn’t the first time that happened to him. This time however it was very different. Waking up in bed with Aashna, he had some regrets. Though he had to think of her as “Claudia” because she was so different from the girl he knew. He wasn’t sure if that was a good or bad thing but it led him to this situation. Pretty much he wasn’t allowed to be alone with her, their parents made sure it never happened. The logic behind that he didn’t get but they were parents they weren’t always logical. Now he was alone with her, no parents or relatives to interfere. They were getting married next year and he didn’t really know her like he thought.

Laying beside her he couldn’t help but to watch her. Last night he’d done some things he shouldn’t have but couldn’t help himself. What could he really do? She was on his lap and they were kissing and he was a man he couldn’t help but to be aroused. But his virgin bride made it clear he couldn’t have sex with her, even though he definitely wanted to. So he might have coaxed her out of her pants so he could touch her a little. She wouldn’t take her panties off but it didn’t matter he still touched her. And she admitted that she never let a guy touch her like she let him. Good, no man needed to touch his soon-to-be wife. Pretty much he’d touched her everywhere and she let him. The fact that she let him was crazy to him.

At home Aashna was quiet and in general a good respectable girl. Mostly he saw her at family dinners; their families had dinner together at least once a week. He talked to her on the phone but the conversations were never long and it was mostly just formal. Everything with them was formal and never really personal. The most personal thing he knew about her before yesterday was that she had a passion for filmmaking. For the most part he’d suspected that she was still a virgin and was saving herself. To hear her actually say it was a little shocking. They never talked about sex, which was to be expected.

What was he doing here? Most of it was that he was curious about her staying in a house with men. Maybe he didn’t have a right to be jealous or question what she did, but he couldn’t help it. What would he really do if she backed out on their marriage? It only occurred to him recently that it was even possible for that to happen. Watching his brother’s marriage fall apart was sad. Since the day Aashna was born he knew that one day she would be his wife and he accepted that. Knowing that so long it made life easier, he didn’t have to worry about who it would be. Lately he’d been thinking about her a lot and that brought him here. That text was only half of it; he wanted an excuse to see her. Not that he expected to share a bed with her, even if it was just once.

No matter what name she went by he’d always thought she was beautiful. He never minded telling people she was going to be his wife. She was as close to perfection as you could get. Driven, ambitious, passionate, intelligent, loving and just a really good person and that was going to be his wife. Perfect tawny skin with long black hair and entrancing hazel eyes, she was curvy in all the right places and he’d always wanted to explore her body. Last night he did and he did like what he saw and felt. It was probably wrong but he couldn’t wait for their wedding night. Now that he’d gotten intimate with her he wasn’t sure he could wait. Maybe they needed to get married this year.

In her sleep she rolled over so that she was facing him. Her eyes opened slightly then closed them again. It seemed to register that he was there because her eyes sprung open and she stared at him. Was that a look of regret? The only way he could truly regret last night was if she did or she felt he pressured her in any way. And he could regret doing things with her because it would make him want more. Once they were back home her sisters were definitely going to interrogate him and his mother probably figured out that he’d stayed. Why did everything have to be complicated? Everything with them was their families’ business, and they obviously thought being alone was improper.

“Good morning Aashna,” he said watching her and trying to read her expression.

“So I guess I didn’t just dream you up, huh?” She asked and he laughed.

“Sorry, I’m really here unless you don’t want me to be,” he replied.

“I kind of liked sleeping with you, I am happy it was you and no one else. Sleeping in bed with a man is an intimate thing and it’s good that it was you,” she said.

“Do you regret what we did? Or more like what you let me do?” He asked because he suspected she did.

“Um I don’t know to be honest; you’re like my first everything. How does that make you feel? Like knowing that you were my first kiss and first like real messing around?”

“Not gonna lie, I like it because I don’t want anybody else touching you. Maybe I never acted interested in you because I wasn’t sure what you really wanted. You’ll be my wife and arranged or not I guess I’m just a possessive guy.”

“Are we still on for our date?”

“Of course, but that would involve leaving this bed and I don’t want to.”
            Ali pulled her closer to him so he could kiss her. His hand slid down the curve of her back and to the rim of her panties. He wanted more; he hadn’t had sex in awhile. She was technically saving herself for him so would it really be so bad to do it now? His perfect little wife with her perfect untouched body and just like that his thoughts turned impure. Before he could think of how to convince her this was a good idea, his phone rang. The only reason he was going to answer was because it was his mother. Who knew that he’d come to “check” on Aashna. Was this a sign that he was about to take it too far? Probably, he didn’t want to answer. Later he could think of something to say to his mother.

“Is that your mom?” Aashna asked him and he nodded. “You better answer before she calls my mom to see if she knows where you are.”

“Nobody would guess that I’m in bed with you,” he replied. As if on cue the phone started ringing again.

“Answer,” she told him reaching over to grab his phone.

“Hello Mother,” he said into the phone.

“Ali, where are you? I went to your apartment and you are not there,” his mother said. “You said you were going to check on Aashna and then I did not hear from you again.”

“Um well I came to see her and I decided to stay,” he said. No matter how old he was his mother still liked to tell him what to do.

“Is something wrong? I don’t know why her parents would let her stay in a house with men anyway. Please tell me that she is not involved with one of these men that are her friend.”

“I think you know her better than that, of course she isn’t. We just had a talk and I thought it would be good for us to spend some time together away from home and family.”

“Why? Since when do you need alone time? You can be alone when you are married. Ali I think you should come home,” she predictably said.

“Maybe it is because I don’t like the idea of her alone in a house with men even if they are her friends,” he said. At that Aashna gave him a dirty look and got out of the bed. Her standing there in panties and a tank top didn’t help his thoughts. Especially when she was bending over to look through her suitcase, he needed to stop.

“Are you concerned that one of them might be interested in her?” His mother asked sounding a little shocked.

“She is very pretty and smart and any guy would want her,” he said. That made her look up at him and smile. It was true though he was seriously very lucky with who his parents chose for him.

“What is the reason you want to spend time with her now? Because you don’t want her to find somebody else? You do know your brother is not getting a divorce, right? It seems that would be why you are so interested in what Aashna is doing. I don’t see a problem with getting to know each other better and maybe we have been too strict about the amount of time you are allowed with her. But you aren’t thinking of backing out of this marriage, right?” His mother was worried so she was asking lots of questions.

“We are both adults we can spend a few days together without it screwing up our engagement. I’m not having second thoughts about this; Rohan’s issues are not mine. But I do want to have a good marriage and we can use this time to discuss the future. Without everyone else’s opinions. And no I don’t want to risk her finding someone else, a lot of things could happen between now and our wedding. Do you really think it’s a problem for me to spend time with her? If so I’ll leave and come home,” he said. None of it was a lie and he did sort of always feel the need to please his parents.

“No, stay there you should spend time with her. I would prefer it to be her than some other girl. Just be respectful Ali, this is your future wife. Unlike her sisters she doesn’t have much experience with men, which is a very good thing. Aashna is a good girl and I trust you to make good choices,” she said. Thankfully she didn’t tell him to come home because he would have had to listen. “Does Kash know that you are spending time with her daughter?”

“I don’t know I know she was talking to her sisters last night but otherwise I don’t know,” he said. Watching Aashna picking out clothes and checking her email was more interesting than being on the phone. She had her laptop open on the dresser; he wanted her in bed with him.

“Interesting, well have fun Ali but like I said be respectful. Don’t do anything that we wouldn’t approve of or that you would have to lie about,” she said like always. That was just the way Anila Tandon was mostly loving but with a side of guilt.

“Yes Mother, I know,” he said. But what she didn’t know wouldn’t hurt her.

Getting off the phone with her took an additional 5 minutes. Grown or not his parents were very involved in his life. No doubt she was going to call Akash Kapoor to tell her what her daughter was up to. It was comical considering Aashna was the little angel of her family. He was nothing like her, he’d done his share of drinking partying hooking up and having sex. At the moment his life was a little less fun because he was in law school. Ironically school was the reason they weren’t married. She was accepted to med school and he was finishing law school so they were both going to be busy. Since they choose careers that required 8 years of school fitting in a wedding was difficult. Their parents decided that it just needed to be done now and they would “take care” of everything else.

It wasn’t really a secret that the parents got together and bought them a house. Part of him felt like they were trying to take away any pressures that could result in divorce. Especially after her sister Jaya’s refusal to get married and his brother’s marital issues, everyone wanted them to stay together. They were both the youngest of their siblings and the last to get married. He never really worried about if his marriage would last, he sort of just assumed it would but lately he was wondering about things.

Knowing who he was going to marry took the pressure off of him to find someone after dating and all that time consuming stuff. So he didn’t mind the arrangement it was really saving him time. They shared the same religion and values and were both ambitious and hard workers and they were both very family oriented. Perfect, he would never have found someone he was so compatible with if he had to search on his own.

“Come here,” he called to her and she came. He pulled her on top of him and they kissed. “I think when we get back they’ll finally plan that engagement party.”

“Is your mom calling my mom?” She asked and he nodded, there was no way around that their mothers were best friends. “Are you buying me a ring? It’s not required but it might be nice.”

“Don’t worry I have a ring for you, but it’s a surprise. I have been ordered to make sure I behave respectfully with you,” he said and she laughed.

“Um our mothers wouldn’t think last night was respectable, I’m supposed to be the good girl,” she said. The way she bit her lip while looking at him took him back on the impure thoughts train.

“Well what do they think will happen once we are married? I think it would kind of be weird if you don’t really know the person you’re marrying but you’re expected to consummate the marriage. You wouldn’t want some stranger touching you would you?”

“No, it would be very uncomfortable I imagine. La and Gita knew their husbands, not like you and me but they went to school together. Doctor Gita and doctor husband, perfect match. And La was born to be a mother and her husband wanted children right away. So that leaves us and our eternal schooling and my virginity,” she said. The way she smiled at him had him wanting to explore that virginity.

“I’ll be done with school soon, so if you wanted to decide against med school I could take care of us. It would save your parents some money and you could focus on film,” he suggested.

“Ali, you know I can’t do that,” she sighed.

“Well I will be bound to doing whatever makes my wife happy and being a doctor isn’t going to do that. I will support you in telling your parents, just think about it. Make your own choice for once,” he told her.

“Um I think you need a cold shower,” she replied giving him a look.

“Can’t help it when I’m looking at you and you are on top of me,” he said. Oh how he wished he could just act on what he wanted to do then he wouldn’t need a cold shower. At this point he was sure that wouldn’t help him anyway, he really wanted her.

“What’s different? You don’t get hard looking at me when we usually see each other,” she pointed out.

“How would you know? Trust me it’s not the first time, but usually we are surrounded by family. Remember our last trip to India? You were sitting next to me on the plane and you went to sleep leaning your head on me. Being that close to you I did have a reaction, but it wasn’t like I could tell you,” he admitted. When their parents had the urge to visit their homeland it was a big family thing and both of their families went together. Both of their mothers were born after their parents immigrated.

“Wow, um I don’t need to know any other times,” she said. But she started to roll her hips into him and that made it worse. “I’m going to go take a shower, alone and get ready for our date. And so you know I’m not having sex with you until we are married. Last night was just a science experiment, I was curious as to what I was missing. Curiosity solved, so I suggest you get ready too.” With a smile of her face she got up and he was pretty shocked.

“Who are you? Suddenly you’re a little temptress?”

“I am Claudia, nice to meet you,” she laughed and left with her towel in hand.

Oh she was Claudia and he was starting to like this Claudia. Though he wondered exactly what she might have done with other guys. She definitely knew how to arouse but she was the good girl virgin. If she never let a guy finger her then what could she have done? Torture was probably the answer, because right now he was feeling tormented. It took a minute for him to realize she left the room still in her panties.

 

 

Tess woke up in bed with Garret and she felt dirty. She’d always refused when he hit on her constantly and last night was it. Having sex with him was surprisingly not awful. But she needed to self destruct in another way. Repeated that was a bad idea, maybe today she could be normal. Carefully she slipped out of bed without waking Garret or poor Charlie. He had to listen to them last night. She got dressed quickly and quietly and headed back to her room. Maybe she could talk to Claudia? Talking to Amanda was out of the question. 

When she opened the door she did not expect to see Claudia’s fiancé. This was both interesting and shocking, especially with him pulling his jeans on over his erection. Now she really needed to talk to Claudia to explain this. He stared at her and she stared back, this was bizarre. Since this was her room she just went on about here business like it wasn’t completely weird. Him being here at all was weird. Claudia said they weren’t really that close and that they were “dating other people”. Everybody knew Claudia didn’t date or hook up, yet here was a man that was clearly erect for her.

“You slept in here?” Tess asked because she couldn’t help it.

“Yes, is that a problem?” He asked while putting on his t-shirt, he was something yummy to look at.

“No, I’m just surprised Claudia is such a good girl. I know you obviously didn’t have sex but something clearly happened. Can I ask a question?”

“Sure why not?”

“You aren’t a saving-yourself-for-marriage-virgin are you?” She asked knowing that there was no way a guy like this hadn’t had a few bedmates.

“No, it’s not really a requirement but like you said she’s a good girl,” he replied.

“So what Claudia is like your little virgin gift? You get to marry her and have her virginity,” she said watching him.

“It was her decision to stay a virgin; it’s preferable for obvious reasons in these situations. Abstaining from sex is important to her, she figured if her mother could do it so could she. I’ve never actually had sex with a virgin before, I had offers but I declined. She will be my only virgin and I will be the only person she has sex with,” he shrugged.

“What if she divorced you? Then she could have sex with anyone she wants,” she said and he laughed.

“Our families don’t believe in divorce and it’s unacceptable, she will always be just mine. So did you have a nice night wherever you slept?”

“Are you trying to judge? You’re the one with a hard on for someone that will not have sex with you no matter what. Her will is way too strong for that, obviously you want her. Do you think she’ll take the line of “oh you were saving yourself for me anyway”? I’m not engaged to anyone so I can do whatever I want,” she said. She wasn’t sure if she liked him or not.

“I’m not judging and I’m not going to pressure her into having sex with me. That would be wrong and she wouldn’t forgive me for it. I know her better than you think you do and you don’t get this thing we have. We are both very willing to go into this arranged marriage it’s just what our families believe in. Before now if I would have tried to be with her there’s a chance it wouldn’t have lasted. Weighing my options a year before our wedding is plenty of time,” he said. “She wants a loving marriage and I will make it happen for her.”

Wow, it seemed like everybody could find love except for her. When would her time come? Maybe she would be spending another night with Garret. She told herself that part of it was so that Claudia could be free to do whatever with her fiancé. But the truth was that she wanted feel someone beside her. Garret wasn’t a bad person she just wasn’t that interested in him. No, she liked guys she couldn’t have like Landon and Brett. Landon would have been a fling and she knew that but Brett was another story. If Amanda really tried to pass this baby off as his then she didn’t know if she could lie. Though technically there was no way Brett’s mother wouldn’t get a DNA test done.

“Well good luck with that, she deserves to be happy. Sitting around watching all your friends have people to be with and you are alone sucks,” she said. Didn’t she know that better than anyone else? This was why she got along so well with Claudia, the group was better before everybody decided to hook up with each other.

“Ali,” Claudia called when she came back in the room wrapped in a towel. “Why aren’t you getting ready?”

“I’m going now,” he said and he was definitely looking her over. “I’ll go take my ice cold shower so that I can take you out,” he kissed her then. “Nice talking to you Tess.” He said on his was out closing the door behind him.

“Um what happened with you last night?” Tess asked and Claudia was definitely blushing.

“Nothing really, we were kissing and um some other things but I’m not having sex with him or anything,” Claudia shrugged. “What were you talking to him about?”

“You of course, I was just really surprised to find that he slept with you. Isn’t that like against the rules in your family?” Tess asked, she went to sit on the bed while Claudia was getting dressed. At one point or another they had all seen each other naked; the fiancé definitely didn’t know that.

“My parents and his parents never let us be alone because they are worried about consequences. Like what if we decide that we don’t want to be together or if something improper was to happen. I have a cousin that got pregnant before her wedding, it was a big thing. Then Jaya she couldn’t stand the man she was supposed to marry. They have been very careful about Ali and I, they want it to work. His father is an architect and they built us our very own house. We are both the youngest so a little spoiled and we’re both in school. Dating isn’t concept they really understand so there’s no reason for us to do anything without someone else around to babysit,” Claudia explained.

“Sounds like a lot of work,” Tess replied. In all the years she’d known Claudia she never saw her get excited over a guy. It was pretty obvious despite what her parents believed that dating was going to happen.

“Sometimes, but we are alone now so he’s taking me to lunch as a real date. Ali is a good person and we will have a good life together. Trust me this is an ideal situation compared to others. Everybody always says I never loosen up or do anything spontaneous so I did last night. Completely uninhibited I let him touch me a little and it felt good. Sleeping in bed with him holding me felt good. I never let myself think about those types of things before. But being alone gets old very easily and there’s only so much studying and working a person could do,” Claudia sighed.

“Yeah I get it,” Tess nodded. “That dress looks nice on you.”

“Thanks,” Claudia said smiling. She was looking at herself in the mirror in her blue satin dress. “I’ve never worn it before, it has cleavage and my dad wouldn’t like it. Funny thing is my mom bought it for me.”

“That is funny,” Tess agreed. Sitting here watching Claudia was making her ache for someone to want her. Garret really wasn’t that bad, she could and had done worse. Maybe she could give him a small chance. A happily ever after wasn’t really in the cards but at least she would keep occupied.

 

 

Landon liked waking up to Luxx; he wasn’t a sentimental kind of guy usually. Mornings were reserved for getting rid of whoever was in his bed. Not with her, he just pulled her closer against him. He was acting stupid really and unlike himself completely. Watching her sleep and thinking about her so much, he felt like he was on drugs or something. What was it about her that had him so stupid for her? She opened one eye and then the other and stared at him.

“Mmm I like sleeping in,” she said smiling.

“I like sleeping with you,” he replied.

“Me too with you,” she said and closed her eyes again.

Since she was silent and still he figured she went back to sleep. So he reached over to get his camera to look at the pictures he’d taken since they had been there. Mostly it was her; she was so beautiful he couldn’t help it. The fact that she was in bed with him made no sense, she was too good for him. His sister pretty much spelled that out for him and Charlie and they were right. And he was wondering if he was going to screw this up. Lacey was right that he could never actually get away from Luxx like with his other bedmates. She had been a part of his life since she met Lacey. But how could he really let her go? Even if it was the best thing for everyone, the answer was that he couldn’t.

“Let’s go swimming today,” Luxx said and he turned to look at her.

“Sure, whatever you want to do,” he said.

“Ten more minutes and I’ll get up,” she said snuggling up against him.

In the past he would have made an excuse to get out of the bed. Maybe it was a sign that he was growing up that he liked this. Or it was just her. Whatever the reason he laid here holding her and staring at the ceiling. He was trying to fully grasp this situation. It was easier as a secret because then there was no pressure or prying eyes. He liked things uncomplicated but there was no way around this being a complicated. Was she really worth the risk? What he worried about the most was that he was pretty sure he was going to fall in love with her. Love wasn’t his thing but there was no way around it.

No more running from commitments and emotions, he was going to do this. To be with her and to fall for her wasn’t that why he kept begging for chances? As of this moment he was going to fully devote his time to making Luxx his girlfriend. He didn’t care if Charlie would try to manipulate her out of it, he would just have to try harder. A good challenge might be fun. At least this wouldn’t get boring and she was still his inspiration. Landon never had a muse that lasted for more than a week. Luxx had been for almost a month. This was fate at work and he was only going to embrace it.  

 

 

Claudia had just had a nice lunch with Ali when her mother called. They talked about things and it was really nice. But she’d known that her mother would call eventually. First her mother probably grilled her sisters for information. So now she had to explain herself, just like he had to his mother. She sat in his car while he was exploring, it was to give her privacy. His mother was stricter than hers but his mother had a son to deal with not a daughter. While her parents did trust her, Jaya’s escapades made them more cautious.

“Na-Na, I got a call from Nila about her son,” her mother said.

“I know, or well I knew he spoke to her and that she would call you. There is nothing to worry about Mama,” she said.

“You told your sisters that Ali was there and you did not tell me? So I wonder were you planning to spend your vacation with him? Be honest,” her mother said.

“No, Luxx had my phone and asked me why he and I don’t really spend time together. She text him and it was my phone so he thought I was asking him to come see me. I was very surprised when he arrived because I didn’t take her seriously and I honestly never thought he would show up. He did and we talked and I’m sure my lovely sisters filled you in on that whole thing. Do you trust me Mama? Do you think that just because Ali is here it changes anything? I don’t need constant babysitting when it comes to him, I’m not stupid. And I also made a promise to go through with this marriage no matter what. He wants to make me happy and make this easier for me,” she told her mother. Her tone never changed she was careful of that because she was respectful of her parents.

“I’m not worried about what you will do Na-Na, I worry about him. You are a very good girl and I will not let him exploit your good nature. No matter how much I love Nila her son is trouble and sometimes I don’t want you to marry him.”

“What?” She asked that was the most shocking thing her mother ever said.

“That boy is trouble; do not let him sweet talk you into bed, it’s what he does. I want to believe that he will be a good husband but the more I think of his partying, drinking and having sex with strange girls and who knows what else, I feel guilty. How can I let you marry someone like that? Its why there is no date Na-Na, I’m having second thoughts. You are my baby and after Jaya’s incident I want to be careful with you. Maybe this trip will be good for you to see if you want to marry him. If I would have known how he would turn out I would never have agreed to this,” her mother said. It just kept getting more bizarre.

“Mama, I know Ali dates and I am not disillusioned enough to believe he would be a virgin. He said when we were teenagers that it would probably be good to date other people until we get married. We all know I don’t have the time for that sort of thing. But I agreed to it and he says he hasn’t been with anyone recently and he wants to focus on us,” Claudia sighed. “Maybe he lied and maybe he has bad intentions, I don’t really know. I will figure it out before I come home and I promise I will not let him pressure me into anything.”

This conversation was so surreal, none of it ever occurred to her. She looked up and could see Ali, he waved at her. Could he really be doing this just because he could? Using her because she was supposed to belong to him? She was nobody’s property and she wanted to believe his intentions were good. But last night happened and now this conversation was making her question it. What she needed was to talk to Jaya; no one else would understand the things she let him do. The fact that her mother was the one questioning this arrangement said a lot. Now she had to figure out what was to become of her future.

Weighing the options in a quick assessment, she had a few choices in this situation. If she chose to believe that he was here for the reasons he said, then she could start falling for him. Then they would get married as planned and everything could fall apart. Cheating was unforgivable to her, even though she’d never had a relationship. It was just something she did not want to deal with in the future. Another thing to consider was her lack of sexual experience. What if he needed to get it somewhere else? What if he was really here just to see if he could seduce her?

What if she decided she didn’t want to marry him after all? If she was going to marry him she needed to be certain first. This was the worst time to be away from her sisters, she needed them. If a bad marriage could be prevented then she wanted to prevent it before it was too late. But if the replacement her parents found was much worse? Or what if he was unkind or abusive? So many things to consider, it was making her brain hurt. She couldn’t say anything more because he was walking back to her.

“I love you my baby, be careful, ok? We can talk more when you come home,” her mother said. From her tone she really sounded upset.

“I love you too, don’t worry Mama you know me and I will make good choices,” she replied. Ali was now in front of her waiting for her to get off the phone and his hands were on her thighs. This was a disaster; she did not want to deal with this.

Once she hung up with her mother he was kissing her. Now she wasn’t into it like she was before talking to her mother. He seemed to catch on to that, so he stopped. Instead he wrapped his arms around her waist and held her for a few minutes without saying anything. She’d been sitting in the driver’s seat of his car with the door open. This was exactly why she didn’t want to date too much speculation and nothing was ever certain. That was why the arranged marriage was supposed to be a good thing. Now she was thinking about all the things that happened with Jaya. And now she understood her sister a lot better.

“What’s wrong? I thought we were doing good,” he said after awhile.

“Just thinking about our future and I am curious as to if you are certain that you can give up your bachelor lifestyle?” Claudia asked, for a moment he just stared at her.

“Yes, I will prove myself to you Aashna. I like to have fun and I have enjoyed my freedom but it’s a lonely life. None of it is lasting so I want something permanent and real. So what I meet a girl when I’m out we drink hook up and then it’s over and I’m still alone. I have known since I was four years old that you would be my wife. You are my future and I won’t be lonely if I’m with you,” he said. It seemed like he always knew what to say.

“After last night and now that I’m thinking clearly, I want certain things for my life. If we are going to be married then I need to know that you will be 100% in it and not out partying and hooking up. Marriage is serious Ali; I can’t worry about what you are or aren’t doing. I have four more years of school to look forward to and internships and whatever else my father thinks is appropriate for me. So if you think maybe you will get bored then tell me now so that we don’t end up trapped,” she told him.

“It has been 3 going on 4 months since I last had sex, ok? That is what I’m bored with, not having sex just having it with random women. You do not want to know how many women I have had sex with. I can be attracted to anybody but I only want to marry you. Aashna you are my future and I will dedicate myself to you and only you and one day our children. Rohan is being cheated on and he’s miserable so I wouldn’t do that to you. Why go out and find someone temporary when you are everything I would want in a wife? Sex isn’t that important to me,” he told her.

What could she say to that? Either he was a master manipulator or he was telling the truth. Which should she believe? She wanted to believe that he was being honest but she was afraid to. So what was the best course of action? She kissed him, because she wasn’t going to say anything about this. Why? The only way to know for sure about everything was to just let this week go by and spend time with him. This was all an experiment really, or maybe a test to see if they were truly meant to be. Either way by the time she returned home she would have to make a decision. Hopefully it would be the right one and hopefully she wouldn’t get her heart broken.

 

 

Amanda had just gotten out of the shower and was going to get dressed. When she went to get clothes out of her suitcase she noticed something. Brett packed for her because he was wonderful like that. His clothes were in a duffle bag, which was open beside her suitcase. There was a small box in his bag that looked like it probably held jewelry. Because she couldn’t help it she had to look and she was glad she did. A diamond ring, he bought her a diamond ring. And it was a really big diamond. She put it back and got dressed quickly in something cute of course. There was only one reason he would bring a ring with him, he was going to propose. Her first instinct was to go tell Tess but she stopped herself. No, she needed to call her mother first to deal with this being pregnant thing.

“Mandy, how’s the vaca? Bretty treating you good?” Her mother asked when she answered the phone.

“Mom, I’m pregnant,” she said. What was the point in dragging it out?

“Wow, ok how does Brett feel? Did he propose?”

“I didn’t tell him because it might not be his, and it’s your fault from Miami.”

“Nobody told you to have sex without protection, you know better. If you’re going to cheat sweetie be smart about it. So could this kid be Brett’s?”

“Yeah, I had sex with him before we left and after we came back.”

“Ok well do you want it? Cause there is nothing wrong with erasing a little mistake.”

“I don’t know, he would love being a father. But I found a ring in his bag,” she sighed. This was too much effort; could she really handle a child? Did any child deserve her as a mother?

“Oh Mandy, well you should try to gauge his reaction before you decide. If he isn’t ready for children then we can just fix it when you get home. Tell him we’re going to have a have mother-daughter week and we’ll deal with it. Then you can go back to him and we can plan the wedding we’ve been waiting for. If you choose to keep it then we’ll have to plan a quick wedding and hope that his witch mother doesn’t do anything to screw it up. Don’t worry baby we always have back up plans,” her mother told her.

“Yeah,” Amanda said to figure out if this really was a good idea. The bedroom door opened and there was Brett smiling at her. “Mom, I gotta go I’ll call you later.”

“Oh he’s there? Well do what you have to and we never feel guilt my love,” her mother replied.

“I know,” she said and hung up.

“Are you ok? You’ve been acting a little weird,” Brett said looking concerned.

“Um just thinking about things like our future,” she said. That wasn’t a lie but she felt bad, she never felt guilt over things her mother raised her against it.

“Do you want to talk?” He asked and she nodded.

“Yes, actually I want to ask if in our future you want to have children. I’ve just been thinking of our future together a lot recently. And I um want to know since I do have modeling plans,” she said. She was sitting on the bed and he was standing and was silent for awhile.

“I do want children but after we get married of course. Speaking of marriage and the future, if we were to get married Amanda I can’t have my wife out partying until dawn. Having fun is one thing but it’s getting to be excessive. Honestly it’s not even just a condition of us getting married, it’s staying together period. I know you like your freedom and I want you to be happy but I can’t keep doing this,” he told her. The look in his eyes said it all.

“Do you think I’m cheating on you or something?” She asked and he stared her in her eyes for a few seconds.

“I hope not, I forgave you because I love you. To forgive it again won’t happen, I’m sorry but that is the way I feel. Mandy, I love you so much but trust is important to me and I can’t stick this out if we have no trust. In relationships you have to make sacrifices, I have made a lot and you have made none. So tell me, do we have a future?” He asked her and she actually felt tears coming to her eyes.

What if Brett broke up with her? She couldn’t let that happen he was the only person to love her unconditionally. Even her mother didn’t love her like that. The whole reason Amanda was born was as a bargaining chip in one of her mother’s many relationships. Only her father was married just not to her mother. Amanda was his dirty little secret and his family didn’t know about her. The money made it stay that way. She was selfish and very flawed but he wasn’t asking much of her. There was no way she could have this baby, because she didn’t like to be used to benefit others. Really she was doing it a favor. Brett was all she had and she could do this what he asked of her.

“Brett I love you and if it’s what you really want then I’ll do it. I’d do anything for you,” she told him. “My mom wants to go away for a week when we get back; it won’t be club hopping I promise.”

“Ok,” he nodded and came to sit beside her and pulled her into his arms. “Why were you asking if I wanted to have children?”

“Um just curious,” she shrugged.

“Is that a hint that you want to have a baby?” He asked staring at her like she’d lost her mind. Though to anyone that knew her that thought was completely insane.

“Maybe one day not that I’m mother material or anything.”

“I think you underestimate yourself, I think you would do great.”

Of course he would say that, it was so Brett. What if this really was his child? He wouldn’t forgive her if she got rid of his baby. This was way too hard, no matter what she was going to do something that would hurt him. She needed to think this through more before she did anything she couldn’t take back. Since she didn’t feel like thinking anymore or figuring anything out she climbed on top of Brett. Sex was how she got into this mess but it was going to be how she got herself out of this conversation. The answer to her life’s plan would come to her, or so she hoped. It had to come before she went back home.

“Mandy, wait,” Brett said pulling away from her. That was definitely a first.

“Come on I want you,” she pouted.

“No, I want to talk to you,” he said.

“We talked I agreed to be boring and stop having fun, conversation over,” she said. Maybe it was a little whiny but she didn’t like being told no.

“Mandy I want to marry you,” he said and that stopped her pouting.

“What?” She asked because she was a little shocked. Yes, she’d seen the ring but she was surprised he was asking her now.

“I’ve been thinking of figuring out something romantic and I couldn’t think of anything good enough for you. I bought you a ring awhile ago,” he explained.

“How long ago?” She found herself asking.

“Uh probably almost 2 years,” he admitted. “Don’t look at me like that, I just wanted to find a good time and I was a little uncertain. Sometimes this relationship is hard for me. Marriage is serious so I wanted to know we could last.”

“Or is it because your mommy hates me?” She asked with a bit of bitterness.

“No, and she doesn’t hate you, she just has some reservations. Can’t you understand that she thinks I will get hurt by you?”

“I didn’t mean to cheat on you ok? We had a fight and I was drunk and I didn’t mean it,” she said. This wasn’t what she wanted to be talking about.

“Actually that’s not really why, but yeah she doesn’t like it like I don’t. It’s the way you live Amanda, the constant need to be out and get attention from anyone. I tell you the truth and that is the truth, you act like a spoiled brat all the time and have tantrums when you don’t get your way and I indulge you because I don’t want to hear it,” he sighed. “I don’t even know if I should be proposing to you. You’ve never proven that you would be a good and faithful wife. There is a lot of growing up you need to do.”

“So what you don’t want to marry? Is that what you’re saying?” She asked and there were tears gathering in her eyes.

“No, what I am saying is that I want to marry you but you need to grow up. That means no more tantrums and maybe you could stand not to be so lazy and self-centered,” he said. This whole conversation was insane to her, it was true but he would never say that to her. Or before he wouldn’t, now he wasn’t babying her and treating her like a queen. Reality sucked but what could she really do?

“I’m sorry Brett, I love you and I want to spend my life with you. I’ll do anything please you’re the only constant in my life I can’t lose you. Please don’t leave me,” she pleaded. Amanda did not beg for anything it was like a sin to her mother.

“Mandy, calm down,” he said holding her tight against him. “I was just saying that things need to change and if you commit to making changes I want to give you this ring. You know I would never leave you.”

“I promise,” she whispered cling to him afraid to let go. Didn’t matter what she had to do she could not lose him; there was no way she could deal with that. It was truly her biggest fear and she couldn’t be like her mother she loved him too much for that. And she was going to give him as many babies as he wanted, just not this one. The risks were way too high.

Reviews

[biggerthenu]

thats crazy i dont want to read pass this chapter cause i know its coming to a end i drug it out at first. I started and couldnt stop reading this and now you wrong for not finishing this one.

[Uc Amalu Jr]

wow! Great