Allie Chapter 37

Allie (Chapter 37) Fog

Chapter 37

 

             Drinking was a very bad idea, especially in the afternoon. And there was the medication. It was like one minute she blanked out and then the next she found herself in his lap. They were kissing and he was hungry for her. This wasn’t like before because she really wanted it. His hands were all over her, it was like remembering a simpler time. For this moment she wasn’t thinking about anything. Then she realized what she was doing and jumped up from the couch.

They stared at each other, him with desire and her with horror. What had she just done? For some reason she knew this had been a bad idea. Coming here was pretty much the worst idea she had. He didn’t move and neither did she. Though his reason for not moving as probably the thing in between his legs. Part of her wanted to go back to him and finish what they started. But common sense told her she needed to go. So she gathered up Pixie and Rory, her new Yorkshire Terrier puppies and put them in their little carrier thing. She grabbed her purse and keys and headed to the door.

“Do you want to talk about this?” He called to her.

“Hell no,” she replied. But he did follow her to the door.

“What are you going to do? Are you going to tell him what happened?” He asked looking a little worried.

“I have to,” she sighed.

Two days ago her wonderful and amazing husband came home with two little puppies for her. In his mind he thought it would help her a little and it did. So did the big empty quiet house. Today she’d left the house just to get some air and ended up here. Eric was off today and called her to see what she was doing. He’d known somehow that she was home alone and the kids were gone. This time she didn’t think it was Brooke that told him. There were a lot of other ways he could have found out. When she came over he made her lunch and they had a few drinks. She was not drunk but she did have a little buzz.

Wildflower did not know when this went from a friendly lunch to something else. How had she come to be in his lap letting him touch her? At this point she was 100% sure she’d lost her damn mind. What was she doing? All she’d wanted do was go buy something for her dogs. Then he called and she came here and now she was screwed. There was no question in if she would tell Nicolas or not, she had to. Even though he was going to be pissed for a number of reasons she had to. He was such an amazing husband and he loved her so much and she did this. Thankfully she hadn’t let it go too far. But now she could never see Eric again for both of their sakes.

“If you tell him this he’s going to come kill me,” Eric said.

“No, I won’t let him, but I can’t lie. I will not lie to him,” she said. “I’m sorry I shouldn’t have ever come over here.”

Before he could figure out how to reply she was gone. The drive home was the quickest ever. When she got home she was not however happy to see her husband’s car. He was home early, all week he’d kept weird office hours to spend time with her. This had to be done, it would be worse to lie. Keeping it a secret was worse than lying. What was wrong with her? Alcohol was not an excuse it was never an excuse. Slowly she walked in through the door in the garage. She found him in the kitchen actually cooking, he was cooking for her. That just made her feel sick.

“Hey baby,” he said smiling at her. She let the dogs free and they ran around the kitchen. Then he came over to kiss her. “Something wrong?”

“Yes,” she whispered and he stared at her. “I just came from seeing Eric.”

“Ok, did you have an argument? Did he say something to you?”

“We um sort kissed,” she said. “It was a little more than a kiss actually but I never took any clothes off.”

“What?” He asked just staring at her in shock.

“I-we just sort of started kissing,” she said.

“You don’t let me touch you but you can f**k around with someone else? I didn’t like you talking to that guy but I put my feelings aside because I trust you. But I should have known that day you had him here. Did you have sex with him then too?”

“I did not have sex with him and before that was nothing like I told you. It was just this one time today. I love you Nick, and I thought it was best to be honest.”

“Every single day I’m here trying to make you feel better and help you. I put aside for you how I felt about everything, because you needed me. My son is gone and I can’t feel anything about that because of you. Because I needed to take care of you and Allie. I’ve done everything I could and you flinch if I touch you. But you can go be with another man?” He was very angry and it was deserved.

“Nick, I am sorry I don’t know how I let this happen,” she said. There were tears in her eyes and just fury in his.

“So what now? You want to go be with him? It shouldn’t even surprise me, I should have known. Where you just staying with me because of the baby? There’s no baby so there you go, you are free,” he said. He wouldn’t look at her and walked away.

This wasn’t what she wanted and she didn’t want to hurt him. She never loved Eric, especially not like she loved her husband. There was no excuse for what she did, it was just wrong. Her emotions were a big mess and sometimes they didn’t exist at all. Nicolas definitely didn’t deserve this and he punched a hole in the wall. In their closet there was a hole he’d just patched up the other day and there had been a few in his office. His angry outbursts weren’t hardly as bad as they could be. He’d gone up to his office and she hurried after him, which was where the guns were.

“Nick,” she called to him.

“What? Do you have something else to tell me? Was Iago really my son?” He asked and she knew logically that he was hurt so he hurt her.

“You damn well know the answer to that,” she said. “I love you and not Eric. And I have not had sex with anybody but you since we met. Should I have lied to you?”

“No, but I don’t want you to ever be near this man again. That much you at least owe me,” he said and she nodded.

“That’s fair,” she agreed because it was for the best. Eric had feelings for her which she didn’t share. Her marriage was more important to her than anything.

“I don’t get this,” he admitted. He was sitting on the edge of his desk looking at her. “I thought things were better between us. Do you still blame me for what happened? So you wanted to hurt me?”

“No, this wasn’t about you or our relationship I’m just a mess right now. It was a mistake and I told him I was going to tell you. And I will stop being friends with him if it’s what you want. I am so sorry and I know what this must feel like for you but it’s not you that’s the problem. I love you and my brain is just a mess and my emotions are all over the place. Hurting you is not what I want; I want us to be happy again. But that’s hard and I just don’t know,” she sighed.

She sat down on the couch and pulled her knees up. There were tears again and she didn’t understand any of this. What had suddenly come over her to make her want to cheat on her husband? If she hadn’t left when she did then it would have gone way too far. Eric had been a good friend once but now she had to think about her marriage. Her family was most important so she could never see him again. It was almost comedic that her husband was accused of cheating on her and now she did cheat on him. This wasn’t who she was and she hated herself for it. Who was she becoming?

“I’m going for a drive,” he said after awhile. It was the first time he just sat there watching her cry and didn’t try to comfort her. That just mean he was really pissed.

“No you aren’t, you want to go see him,” she said.

“Maybe I just need to get away from you, this is what you wanted. You’ve been doing your best to push me away for the last two months. When you get mad at me you run to him. Sleeping in his bed and always texting him, I’m not even surprised by this. Maybe you should figure out if you want to be married to me. If the answer is no then say that, I can’t live like this anymore,” he told her.

“Nick, I want to be with you and only you. I’m human can I not make mistakes? I tell you everything; did I hide this from you? No, I told because lying to you is wrong,” she replied.

“So you’re saying you tell me absolutely everything, right?”

“Yeah, I have no secrets from you.”

“Funny that you say that because you never mentioned that Ivan was screwing around with Allie all summer,” he said.

“Oh,” she was speechless she’d tried to block that out.

“Just ‘oh’? No explanation as to why you would not only let it go on but keep it from me too?”

“I didn’t encourage it, when I found out I told them both I didn’t want them near each other. And you know why I couldn’t have ever told you that. Ivan is my brother who I love and you have a temper that you can’t always control. What good would it have done to tell you? Maybe it was wrong to keep that secret but I try not to think about it. You can’t fault me for that when you keep worse secrets.”

“So it’s ok for your brother to prey on a 16 year old girl? In your house?”

“Did I say that? When I found out I made it stop and I never said it was ok. But maybe it says something about you that I could never trust you like that. If you hurt my brothers I would never forgive you. So I didn’t tell you because I love you and I wanted to be with you,” she sighed heavily. “Screw it; I can’t do this with you anymore.”

She got up and left the room feeling completely emotionally drained. Arguing with him on top of everything else was just too much. Pixie and Rory were in the bedroom when she got there. They were a pleasant sight, today was just another bad day. Every single day was a bad day. She went into the closet to change into something she could wear to bed. After taking the dogs out she was going to take a sleeping pill or two and sleep the rest of the day. What else did she have to do? Well maybe she would call and check on the kids before sleeping.

Looking in the mirror at herself, she hated what she saw. How could any man think she was attractive? There were dark circles under her eyes; she was a little pale and a bit thinner. What she really was looking at her stomach. Oh and God help her it made her cry. He was gone, and nothing else mattered. She avoided mirrors and didn’t care what she looked like anymore. What was the point? And she was starting to think her marriage was pointless too. If it wasn’t for Allie and what it would do to her, she’d leave. Just go stay at the beach house alone, but she couldn’t.

This week was supposed to be about relaxing and trying to get back to normal. She didn’t have the strength to pretend anymore. Normal was never coming back and she sort of just had to accept that. Some days she didn’t really see a point to living. But she wasn’t selfish enough to do anything about it. So she would just be subjected to endless suffering and a broken marriage forever. Unless Nicolas decided to divorce her, she should have felt something about that but she didn’t Right now she felt nothing, the nothingness came and went sometimes. Just enough so she could feel hurt, lost, hollow, hopeless and guilty and occasionally angry. Looking at herself was making it worse, this was a stranger.

When she punched the mirror she didn’t think she meant to. But it broke and she just stood there, the puppies ran away to hide somewhere. She was a little in shock about it. It was like for a second she blacked out and her body just reacted. Her hand was bleeding and she vaguely acknowledge the pain. Nicolas was calling to her but it seemed so far away. What was wrong with her? She shook her head trying to clear it, to come back to reality. Was she really and truly losing her mind? That made her think of her mother, she didn’t ever want to be like her mother.

“What the hell did you just do?” Nicolas asked from the door way. Slowly she turned to face him; she did feel a little dizzy and nauseous. “Wildflower? Do you hear me? Are you ok?”

“I don’t know,” she whispered feeling like she was in a daze. There was a fog in her head that wouldn’t clear. Maybe this was an effect of drinking and taking psych meds. It wasn’t something she’d done before and she had made it home driving.

“Don’t move I’m coming to get you,” he said. He sighed and came in to pick her up and carried her to the bathroom.

Silently he sat her on the counter and looked at her hand. She said nothing just leaned her back against the mirror. For some reason she thought of the first time he brought her here and how she loved the bathroom. It was a really big bathroom; you could have a party in this bathroom. Nicolas pulled glass off her hand and started cleaning it off. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. The nauseous feeling got worse and she trying to make it go away. Quickly she jumped off the counter to go throw up in the toilet. Not that she ate much ever but she threw up at least once a week. That was probably was why she was thinner now. Like a good husband Nicolas pulled her messy hair back.

“Get in the shower,” he told her when she was done.

“No, I’m just tired,” she replied.

“Don’t argue with me just get in the shower, while I clean up the glass. I’ll come get in with you, ok?” It wasn’t a question it was an order but she couldn’t fight.

“Fine,” she said. He helped her out of her bra and panties and walked her over to the shower.

All she really wanted to do was go to bed and stay there for a week or two. Trying to have a life and start over was too much effort and she didn’t want to do it anymore. It was obviously a really bad idea.

 

Nicolas was angry with his wife but seeing her standing in front of the mirror crying like that eased it. Maybe it wasn’t really her fault what she did, she was a wreck. Eric took advantage of her; he was willing to bet his life on that. He hated getting so mad and fighting with her. It also hadn’t been the time to talk about her brother. Maybe she was right to keep the secret; none of it really mattered now. When she’d left his office he looked on the camera to see where she was. Part of him thought maybe she was calling Eric. No instead she was looking in the mirror and crying. On his way to the room was when she broke the mirror.

Quickly he cleaned up the glass and took the scared puppies out of the closet. His thinking behind the dogs was to just give her something different. And they were cute; he’d seen them and couldn’t say no. What he wanted was for her to pull herself out of this depression but she couldn’t and it was more obvious every day. If he couldn’t do it and her brothers couldn’t then what would? The kids were old enough to take care of themselves and Allie was getting there again. She needed a purpose but he didn’t know how to get her one.

He went into the bathroom and stripped to get in the shower with her. She’d been leaning her head against the wall. The way she was so out of it concerned him, this wasn’t normal. When she was just moody and depressed she wasn’t like this. Drinking with pills didn’t do this to you. And he knew she was drinking because he smelled it in her when she came in. He turned her so that he could look her in her eyes. Something was wrong, something was always wrong. So he cleaned her up and took her out and toweled her off. And he even dressed her; she laid there in the bed staring absently into space.

“Wildflower, I think I’m going to take you to the hospital,” he told her. Now that he was dressed again he thought that might be best.

“No, I just shouldn’t have drank so much,” she said with her eyes closed.

“Unless you drank a whole bottle of something pretty damn strong you shouldn’t be like this,” he paused. “What happened when you were at Eric’s house? Did he give you anything?”

“What? No, I mean just a drink or two. I’m just tired Nick and stressed out and I don’t know.” The more she spoke the more slurry her words sounded. Ok something was wrong.

While she dozed off he made a few calls, he was taking her to the hospital. But he couldn’t leave puppies alone in the house. Now he would take care of his wife and later he was going to murder Eric. Obviously that loser did something to her and he would pay.

 

 

Allie loved New York City; it was a great place to take a vacation. She did a little shopping, a little sightseeing and a little modeling. It was almost like being a normal person again. But it was also like living in an episode of Gossip Girl. They’d gone to two parties and it was just like you’d see on TV. She never really got to spend a lot of time in the city. Just usually a brief visit during fashion week and maybe one other time if she was lucky. The best part of all this was getting to go out. She was no longer trapped in a house and strapped to a bed.

Everybody was still watching her and was a little weary, but she did her best. Maybe once she got home she could try to get ready to go back to school. If she could survive in a big city full of strangers she could go to a school full of haters. Nobody at school knew why she’d been home except her family. So as far as the rest of the world knew she’d just been hurt in the accident. How could they know the most damage was done to her fleeting sanity? Doing normal teenager things was helping a lot.

What she was hoping was that her parents were enjoying alone time. Both of them put on a happy face for her and she knew it. Maybe if they had time they could get back to how they use to be. She hoped so, if she could act relatively human than they would be good. Two and a half weeks ago she was half out of her mind. Today she could go out and have fun. And she had to be crazy because she wanted to go back to school.

The first half of the week they spent in the city the second was at Aunt Carmen’s Hamptons house. Getting to go to the beach was nice, she found it comforting. Maybe one day she could live on a beach somewhere with Tony. That would be nice and there was something else she thought was nice. Last night she seduced the hell out of him. It was weird maybe it was a mix of pent up sexual frustration, anti-depressants and anti-psychotics and anti-anxiety pills and liquor. Tony was for obvious reasons not into drinking anymore but she got him to drink. They had fun and she learned that she still was an amazing seductress.

Everything was getting better and like the way it should be. She had hope for the future again and started making plans. Then while taking a walk she stumbled across a park and everything came back to her. Why did so many people have to have their babies out? A panic attack came on quickly taking her breath away. So much for her normalcy, she was right back where she started. Sammie and Lexy were there to sit her down and try to help her. She wondered would seeing children always do this? Since she had been locked away so long she didn’t see any children. One thing she thought about while trying to breathe was the carousel. That had been her gift to her baby brother. The baby brother that would never see it because he was gone.

Feeling sorry for herself didn’t help anything. With that thought she was able to eventually breathe again. Staying here was a bad idea so they left as quickly as possible. Back at the house she laid down for awhile trying to pull herself back together. Her parents wanted children and they deserved children. She wasn’t really their kid so they shouldn’t have had to settle. What ate at her besides that fact that she’d been driving the car that killed the baby was the rest. Not only did she cause then to lose the baby but she caused them to not be able to have kids again.

Tony came in and handed her a pill and a glass of water. Of course he knew she was having anxiety issues and he was taking care of her. It didn’t make the feeling go away, but it let her be calmer. Everybody told her it wasn’t her fault, but it was and her family loved her. The world’s best boyfriend/fiancé laid down with her and held her. No words were needed he just knew. Just like she knew there had to be something she could do about the situation.

First she needed to make it through a whole week without emotional outbursts, panic attacks, rolling bouts of numbness and dark depression and general insanity. To distract herself a little she started to kiss Tony, they both knew where it was going. She needed to quit using sex an escape, but it wasn’t happening right now. It was the only time she could just feel good with no guilt or worries just touch. Hopefully touch retained some of the healing qualities it sometimes had. At least it was for her and almost every time with Tony. What did that mean? Right now wasn’t really the time to ponder, just feel.

 

 

Jose was walking out of the hotel restaurant to the elevator with Lindsay. They were alone tonight because Joseph was with his mother. Halfway across the lobby Lindsay froze. After a pleasant dinner they were going to have some alone adult time. It was what he’d been wanting all day. The situation with Jasmine was a lot better so he had less stress. He was still married but that he was working on. When he tried to pull Lindsay towards the elevators she wouldn’t move. Following her line of sight he saw a woman staring straight at her.

“Linds, what’s wrong?” He asked and she didn’t even turn.

“My mother is right there,” she said. Sure enough the woman came over to them and looked pissed.

“Lindsay Nicole Carter, what do you think you are doing?” Her mother asked her eyeing Jose suspiciously.

“Mom, what are you doing here? How could you even know where I’m stay?” Lindsay asked then she turned to him and shook her head. “I thought she was giving you what you wanted Jose. Why is she still calling my parents?”

“Because she’s a spiteful b***h,” he replied.

“Lindsay do you really think what you’re doing is ok? You were raised better than this,” her mother said.

“I don’t know what she told you but it’s not what you think,” Lindsay sighed.

“Then what are my eyes telling me? You are here in a hotel with this man and his wife is home with their child. I was concerned when you told me who you were working for but you said it was ok.”

“Mrs. Carter, my wife is very creative in what she says. Trust me whatever she told you is a lie. Yes, I am seeing your daughter and yes I am currently married. But my marriage was over long before I met Lindsay. I don’t know what she may have told you but we are getting divorced,” he explained.

“That isn’t what she says and she makes a compelling argument,” she replied. “I’ve seen what you are like and I don’t want you near my daughter.”

Did the whole world know his reputation? Well since Jasmine was involved here that made sense. Jasmine knew everything about him, every secret she knew. This was exactly why he never got so invested in a relationship, it always came back to haunt you. Maybe this was another sign he needed to let Lindsay go. Jasmine would never stop with the games or let him be happy. He had planned to give her what she wanted. Her silly demands weren’t too bad but if she wanted to push so would he. There were ways to get around having her signature; he’d tried to be civil. If she really wanted to play games then he would.

“Mom, I am an adult and capable of making my own decisions,” Lindsay said.

“This is how you want to live your life? Being a rich man’s plaything? What happens to you when he finds someone else?” Her mother asked her. The look on Lindsay’s face said she’d been thinking of that too.

“I admit I have a very bad track record when it comes to relationships, Lindsay knows that. I’m not hiding anything I’m an open book,” he said. This was boring him, he had better things to do.

“Lindsay, I need to speak with you alone,” her mother said. She even gave him a dirty look.

“Fine, I know when I’m not wanted,” he shrugged. “I’ll see you upstairs.” He kissed Lindsay’s cheek but she didn’t make eye contact.

Going to the elevator made him happy, he hated drama. This was why he wasn’t that into young ones, he liked his women with a little maturity. That was why his wife wasn’t meant for him, she would never grow up. Young women were only good for sex and nothing more. He had a five year rule for relationships. But just sex was a 18 and up type of deal. It was rare that he would actually give attention to 18-20yr olds. What was the fun if the chick wasn’t of drinking age? Not to say that he wouldn’t mind depending on looks. Yup, he was a shallow b*****d and he knew it. All this relationship stuff was starting to annoy him.

Before he got in the elevator he almost literally ran into Angel. He must have been horny if he was looking at her. It wasn’t that she was unattractive or anything because she wasn’t. There were two huge turnoffs about her the first being that she’d been with Delanoz. And no woman that had sex with Delanoz was somebody he wanted to have sex with. The other reason was that she was drama. Everything about her screamed drama drama drama. Then there was the they were sort of family thing. Too weird and he was supposed to be focusing on Lindsay.

“Where’s your 12yr old girlfriend?” Angel asked, he’d almost forgotten that she was friends with Jasmine. Another reason to keep his hands to himself, which he would probably being doing in a few minutes. Who knew how long Lindsay would take and he was rock hard.

“Aren’t you funny, visit your baby daddy or gay lover lately?” He hadn’t really meant to be mean; he just got irritated when he was in need. Having worked all day he hadn’t been able to do anything and the longer he waited the less patience he had.

“I would be offended but you are no better than me,” she replied.

“Maybe, but I need to go,” he said and she laughed.

“I’d always wondered what it was that women saw in you, I think I get it,” she looked down at him.

“Unless you play to hop on it I’ll see you later,” he said. She just laughed harder and for some reason he wanted to take her upstairs to shut her up. Obviously there was not a single drop of blood in his brain.

“Oh sweetie I’m not that desperate,” she said. She kissed his cheek and walked away. Then he noticed Lindsay’s mother giving him a death stare and Lindsay looking at him oddly.

Into the elevator he went, finally, and away from other people. His temporary home was the second biggest and nicest suite in the hotel. Of course the other was his brother’s and Nicky couldn’t share. It was actually where he would stay in the past when he was in town. Buying a house was supposed to solve that problem but nope not anymore. And because he was just meant to get as irritated as possible Jasmine called. At this point it just wasn’t going to happen. But letting off steam by yelling at her would be ok for now.

“What do you want?” He asked into the phone.

“Nothing honey, just checking up on you. Something wrong? You sound tense, is your toy not taking care of your needs?” She asked sounding way too amused.

“Oh baby you are playing with fire here you know I hate drama. You will pay for it Jas, oh you’re gonna pay. It was low sending her mother here but if you want to play its game on,” he told her.

“Spank me if I’m so bad, I am just helping the girl. All you’ll do is toss her aside when some big breasted bimbo pops up offering you a 3-way. Oh or bet yet a nice little blow job, I know you. How long will you be able to resist being with other women?” She giggled and he assumed the other sound was Holly cracking up in the background.

“Well I stayed with you didn’t I? Don’t worry about what I’m doing, worry about what’s going to happen to you. You wanted to play dirty so I’ll give you dirty.”

“Are you threatening me or trying to turn me on?”

“I won’t be tempted again,” he told her. When he turned he noticed Lindsay was back, perfect. “Was there something you wanted other than to annoy me?”

“Just checking up on you dear,” she replied.

“Good-bye, I’ll let you know when I’m coming to get my son,” he said. He hung up without waiting for a reply. There was something more important he needed right now.

“She calling to gloat?” Lindsay asked, she understandably didn’t look happy.

“She’s a b***h, don’t worry I’ll get her back,” he shrugged. He pulled Lindsay over to the bed and started pulling off her dress.

“Is sex all you ever think about? My parents are really upset with me and you want to have sex?” She asked, he should have felt guilty but he was horny.

“What am I supposed to do, huh? I’m getting a divorce, we moved out of the house,” he said. Reigning in his annoyance was hard. “You’re an adult it’s not their business who you sleep with. Do you think I’m using you?”

“Not really, but you don’t understand because you don’t care what your parents think. It’s not like that for me, they think I’m like a w***e. Maybe I am because I didn’t care that you were married I just wanted you,” she sighed.

“I’m pretty sure I’m the only w***e in this relationship,” he said.

“I hate getting jealous but women want you everywhere we go and Jasmine still is trying to get you back,” she pouted.

“Who am I here with now? Who is it I’m dying to be inside of right now? Other women don’t matter and you know I’m done with her. What I want, no, what I need is you,” he told her.

“Guess its turn what they say about you, that you could charm the panties off of any girl,” she said. At that he continued to get her naked.

“A talent I have perfected,” he said.

Quickly he got them both naked and groaned when he was inside of her. Later they could talk about boring stupid family drama. Now he was probably going to be at this for hours. Good thing it didn’t even matter if he showed up to work on time or at all. Sometimes he missed his old life.

************

Wildflower woke up to being licked by a puppy. Pixie seemed to think she never needed sleep. Though actually she’d spent the last two days mostly sleeping. The bedroom door opened to reveal Christina who was chasing Ariela. And Ariela was chasing Rory. They were her babysitters obviously. Nicolas obviously wasn’t home because he would be in the room watching her. That was what he’d done yesterday just sat with his laptop watching her.

“Sorry did we wake you?” Christina asked while Ariela picked up Rory.

“No, Pixie did it,” she replied.

“Who named these dogs?” Christina asked sitting down on the bed.

“They came with names and changing them was too much effort,” she shrugged. “So where is Nick?”

“Does that mean you aren’t happy to see us?”

“No, it means I could guess where he is.”

“He said he had some errands to run, not someone to murder.”

“Eric wouldn’t do anything to hurt me,” she said.

“Neither would Owen and he did, I don’t know. I mean I didn’t know Owen but I know Eric he doesn’t seem like the type. But if that was the only place you were then maybe he’s right,” Christina shrugged.

The other day when she’d had her incident with Eric and a fight with Nicolas, something happened. She didn’t exactly remember any of it, but she passed out. And she later had a panic attack when she woke up in a hospital again. As it appeared she’d somehow ingested some kind of drug. Whatever that was mixed with the stuff she was already taking and alcohol gave her a bad reaction. Most of that day was foggy, a lot of days where but that one was bad. She didn’t remember breaking the mirror or most of the fight. All she knew was what he told her and she didn’t like it.

Blocking out days because she was doing nothing but lying in bed was one thing. But she didn’t like this feeling of losing a day of her life. Her life was no longer under her control and so she decided to be drug free. No more medication, if she was going to feel like crap anyway she didn’t need it. Unlike her mother she didn’t need it to keep herself stable. Was she stable at the moment? Not necessarily they didn’t change how she felt about anything. There was no magic pill that could make this not hurt. And now she had to deal with another mess.

When she was at Eric’s the other day she did sort of remember having a headache. So she’d taken something for it and he’d given it to her. But she knew Eric her whole life he would never trick her. At her request her husband didn’t tell everybody about what he suspected. Instead he told her family that it was her psych meds and that she wasn’t going to take them anymore. She was the one that said something to Christina because she could keep a secret. And talking about it with someone who wasn’t crazy was good.

Since coming home from the hospital again, she was tired a lot. That could have just been the depression or her body was just on strike. She reached for her cell phone to call her husband, of course he didn’t answer. Now she just needed to check the gun safe, he didn’t think it was a coincidence. After the Owen thing she was a little suspicious but it couldn’t be. Before she dialed Eric she stopped herself, it would make things worse. She promised not to talk to him anymore. And what if Nicolas really was doing what he said? What she needed was a tracking device on him so she knew when he was doing something crazy.

“All I remember was having a headache when I got there. Vaguely I remember making out with him, then driving. Parts of the fight I can recall but yeah the day was a blur. Why would Eric drug me? Not to have sex, I mean I didn’t want to have sex with my husband. Then again something made me be a total w***e, but I shouldn’t have been there,” she sighed.

“So not to go off topic but why is it you don’t want to be with Nick? There was a time when the two of you were at it like rabbits,” Christina said.

“That feels like a lifetime ago. To answer that question I just I don’t know don’t really have the desire. Before just looking at him had me ready to get it on and now it’s not like that. My body just doesn’t feel like my own anymore. I feel guilty about it, he’s upset that I didn’t just tell him I was uncomfortable,” she explained.

“Honey, you’ve been through a lot it’s ok to need time,” Christina said.

“He’s so frustrated though, I don’t know about anything anymore.”

“He loves you so he understands, something very big just happened.”

“Logically I know that, but I want to be normal. I want to be able to have sex with my husband and function when other people are around. Sitting here depressed isn’t going to bring him back.”

“Just give it time, small steps, you’ll get there.”

“You wanted to say baby steps, but I appreciate the gesture,” Wildflower sighed. Watching her niece rolling around on the floor with the puppies made her smile. The fact that she didn’t burst into tears was a good sign. Slowly she was getting there and she just had to keep pushing forward.

 

Nicolas had waited two days to go pay Eric a visit. He called Christina to come sit with his wife so that she wasn’t alone. She was never going to be left alone again if he had his way. The kids were coming home tomorrow so there would be no more alone time. That was another reason this had to be handled today. When Eric opened the door he stared at him in shock. Before he said anything Nicolas punched him in the face. Eric actually fell to the ground; it had been awhile since he’d fought anybody. Later he could thank his father for forcing them into boxing lessons.

“What the hell was that for?” Eric asked staring up at him while holding his bloody nose.

            “Stay away from my wife if you want to continue breathing,” Nicolas said.

            “What’s going on?” Jay asked when he came into the hallway. Just perfect he had and audience but he didn’t care.

            “I didn’t force her to come over here,” Eric challenged.

            “What did you give her?” He asked trying very hard to restrain himself; he wanted to just kill him.

            “Give her? I don’t know what you think happened but she was very willing,” Eric said.

            “And at no point during your little visit did you give her any type of pills?” Nicolas asked and it seemed to dawn on Eric.

            “S**t, is she ok?” He asked and he did genuinely sound like he didn’t know. That didn’t mean he got a free pass but at least it wasn’t intentional.

            “No thanks to you,” Nicolas replied.

            “Wait, Eric you did something with my sister?” Jay asked, that was when Eric decided to get up.

            “Um we just kissed a little nothing more,” Eric said looking at them both.

            “Why would you be kissing my married sister?”

            “She didn’t mean it,” Eric said like he wished that wasn’t true. “Look, Jay, Wildflower and I had a thing once.”

            “It wasn’t once,” Nicolas said because he couldn’t help it.

            “Thanks for that,” Eric murmured. “Jay, neither of us wanted to make things weird by telling you or anybody. We never were in an actual relationship, we just had fun. It wasn’t a big deal.”

            “How long were you having sex with my little sister?” Jay asked and he looked very pissed and betrayed.

            “Since she was 15,” Nicolas answered and Eric glared at him.

            “Do you have nothing better to do? What happened the other day was a mistake, all of it. I screwed up and gave her the wrong thing, I’m sorry. She’s not like that she wouldn’t cheat on you.”

            “Oh I didn’t blame her for this I knew it was you. I just came here to make sure you know that if you come near her again I will shoot you in the f*****g head. No I am not exaggerating or just making a threat, I’m dead serious. Don’t call her or text her or anything, she is neither your lover nor your friend,” Nicolas said. He almost wished Eric would do something so he had an excuse to get rid of him.

            “What does she say about that?” Eric asked in a tone that suggested what she thought was all that mattered.

            “It was her idea,” he replied. “Have a nice day, for your sake I hope never to see you again. Bye Jay.” At that he walked away back to his car. There was a reason his family feared him and people really should.

Hopefully Eric would take a hint and keep his distance. If not then he was warned and all bets were off. It annoyed the hell out of him that this piece of trash touched his wife. But she was honest about it and she had no control over anything that day. If they had actually had sex he would have killed him. Now he was going to put this Eric crap behind him and focus on his wife and their future. There were a few things he wanted to do before the kids came back.

 

 

Two weeks after the trip to New York Allie was back to school. There was roughly a month left in her junior year. Thanks to her amazing family she was all caught up in school. And she was ready to get back into the real world and live again. While she’d been away she’d decided to change her hair once again. This time she went back to blonde. It was her real hair color and she just needed to be somebody else. Everybody said they liked it, not that she based her life on others opinions.

Her friends asked a lot of questions because they were concerned. She tried to act like nothing was wrong. But how did you explain almost three months of being M.I.A? All the scenarios she’d thought up all had flaws. If she was injured why couldn’t she have visitors? Or why was she able to go to New York but not see or speak to her friends? Life was so much easier when she had no friends. What good would telling them she had a mental breakdown of epic proportions do? None, it would just make people pity her. Wasn’t it bad enough the things that were public knowledge?

School was hard and a little overwhelming. Even so, she was committed to stick it out. This was her last chance to be in school with Tony. And if she didn’t attend school for at least a little while she couldn’t go to prom. She was working on her own design for a dress. It was sort of tragic that she missed the most days for being crazy rather than for skipping. A year ago she wouldn’t have believed she’d be excited for prom. Everything was very different in her life. She also had the best grades of her life and that was because her fiancé was an overachieving genius.

Eventually she broke down literally, and told her friends the truth. Just Abby, Danika and Bianca of course but it was hard. How could you explain all this to people outside of your family? Her family knew her history and saw her at her worse and stuck by her. Some of the things that went on inside of her head she didn’t understand. They were actually great about it and told her they loved her and were there for her. This was a very new experience having really great close friends. She was lucky and completely blessed to have wonderful friends and family. With so much support she could get through anything. When she slipped into darkness there would always be someone there to pull her out. Knowing that was the best feeling in the world.

Reviews

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Wow! This is amazing, kept me holding on. Love the imagery and teh amazing detail. Very well written.