Allie Chapter 24

Allie (Chapter 24 )Caught-up

Chapter 24

 

            After a day of shopping in Rua das Pedras Wildflower was happy to be on the beach again. The more time she spent here the less she wanted to go home. It was Christmas Eve and yesterday they got a big tree to decorate. The tree was too big for the house so it was outside. It was a peaceful few days except she suspected that something was going on with Angel and Ricky. That however wasn’t her business and she was staying out of it. Carmen however couldn’t possibly mind her business and she couldn’t contain her hate for Angel either. Today Wildflower just wanted to relax; the kids were running around having fun and seeing that made her happy. Everything here seemed to make her happy. Disneyland was supposed to be the happiest place; she’d never been there so Brazil was for her.

            “This doesn’t bother you?” Carmen asked her, here came the drama.

            “My brother deserves to do whatever makes him happy,” she replied.

            “Why would you let her come here? Jordan has been in a bad mood all week because of her. That isn’t fair,” Carmen said. It wasn’t the first time.

            “Carmen, stop stressing her out,” Christina said. “Let it go, Angel will always be his mother and he has to deal with that. And she is making an effort; you aren’t helping things by making it a big deal.”

            “I am just thinking of what’s best for my nephew,” Carmen replied. Once again she was in a bad mood; ever since she arrived Carmen had been moody.

            “We’re at the beach the day before Christmas, that’s enough to make anybody happy,” Brooke said. She was currently working on her tan.

            “Carmen, is something going on with you?” Wildflower asked slightly concerned.

            “Cam and his b***h ex-wife are on my last nerve,” Carmen admitted. That sort of explained her mood and her sudden need to drink in the afternoon.

            Camden brought his teenagers Sean and Ashley with them. The kids seemed to be enjoying themselves, Camden not so much. He was often leaving to take phone calls and in general seemed to be in a bad mood. After drinking a whole glass of wine Carmen decided to tell them the problem. Donna, the ex-wife was flipping out because her children were in another country. Though with their custody agreement he got to keep the kids for Christmas, she was pissed. She wanted to be able to see her kids, which was a little impossible at the moment. Her claim was that he never told her he was taking the kids out of the country. So she called her lawyer to complain and now it was a big legal mess. Carmen said the real problem was that the ex-wife didn’t like her and every time Sean and Ashley came over it was an issue. Amazingly Carmen actually admitted she had been taking her frustration out on Angel.

            After talking about it and drinking some more Carmen was back to normal. Or normal for Carmen, but she did say she wasn’t so sure about getting married. Wildflower felt bad for Carmen’s situation, it wasn’t what anybody needed during the holidays. Hopefully the moodiness would come to an end. She herself was completely blissful in her marriage for the moment and hoped it lasted beyond this vacation. Everybody seemed happier with of course the exception of Carmen and Camden.

There was something in the air here that just made you want to be happy. Christina finally was relaxing since she was away from home and didn’t have to deal with her crazy parents. And Brooke said she sort or felt like she was on a honeymoon, minus the marriage part like she wanted. Jasmine had stayed behind after shopping she gave an excuse as to why but they all knew it was Carmen. That was the other victim of her bad mood. Which coincidently sort of made Jasmine and Angel bond, they did have quite a few things in common. Most of them men were out doing whatever, she wasn’t quite sure. Except she knew where Ivan was, Jessica was plastered all over him. She didn’t use to keep her opinions of his playmates to herself but he was serious about this one.

The thing about Jessica was that she had no concept of what the rules of a family setting were. For one thing she enjoyed laying out by the pool in her bikini that left nothing to the imagination. She brought up inappropriate things in conversations and was generally annoying. Plus the PDA was insane and she couldn’t spend more than 5 minutes without kissing all over Ivan. Brooke who had to share a guesthouse with her and had to deal with her back home said she walked around naked sometimes. Wildflower was committed to minding her own business; it would keep the stress in her life down. And she didn’t dislike Jessica but she also didn’t think she was right for her brother. Since Ivan never hid the fact that he didn’t want Wildflower with Nicolas together, she should have said something. Sooner or later she would but not until they were home.

She stared up at the clear blue sky and breathed in the sea air. Lately she was starting to feel movement from the baby and it was an interesting feeling. So she was thinking of the future and what it was going to be like to have her own baby. She wondered what he would look like and what type of personality he would have. Mostly she wondered what type of parent she would be and Nicolas too. The only time she’d seen him near babies was Ariela and Joseph. He was good with them, especially Ariela she loved him. Would their child be like that too?

Little things she wondered about like what he would grow up to be like. It was like a puzzle and she was moving around the pieces to see what fit. Would he like the horses or the beach or growing up in a big house? Sometimes she thought it might be overwhelming to grow up in that house and wondered about moving out. But she knew that was where Nicolas was raised and where a long time ago he was happy. Would her son be spoiled and grow up to be snobby like Katrina and Carmen? She loved Carmen but she had her moments of genuine snobbery. Or would he be loyal and devoted like all of her brothers? So many things to wonder and only time would tell her who he would be and what he would do. All she knew for certain was that she loved him already more than she ever loved anyone.

“Are you thinking about the baby?” Christina asked her when the two of them were walking along the water.

“Am I so obvious?” She replied and Christina nodded.

“I use to think a lot about how Ariela would be, my little Monster,” Christina smiled. “You will be a great mother and you’re down to earth family will keep him grounded. And I can be his teacher.”

“Sounds good,” she said. “I just want him to be here already so I can love him.”

“Honey you still have a long way to go,” Christina pointed out.

“I know, can I tell you something?”

“Of course, I can keep secrets unlike a certain blonde we love.”

“Sometimes I’m worried that this thing isn’t going to work with Nick.”

“Why? What did he do now?”

“Same as always his jealousy, I feel like I have to guard what I say and do. He’s like obsessed with the idea that I’m going to leave him,” she sighed.

“Does this have anything to do with Eric? Brooke told me she was the whole reason you saw him,” Christina said.

“Some of it, he said I looked happy when I was talking to Eric at the bar. Maybe because my freaking husband has issues with everything and everyone,” she said a little annoyed.

“The two of you seemed happy together since we’ve been here was there a lot of fighting before?”Christina asked looking concerned.

“No, just the one incident, he said that he feels like he pushed me into marriage and pregnancy. He thinks that’s the reason I was depressed and the reason I’m going to leave him. After we talked he was on his best behavior doing anything to keep me happy. I get that he’s afraid of being a lone again but if we fight again I need to get away from him,” she said. She’d tried so hard not to think of this again but she needed to talk to someone and Christina was her only option.

“Isaiah can be a little possessive I suppose most guys are. Maybe he got the message and is going to try harder. He likes control we all know that, you can’t really control love and family. Slowly he’s starting to get that, but maybe putting distance between you would straighten him out. Let’s hope that it doesn’t come to that, it’s so obvious that he loves you,” Christina said.

“You always know just what to say.”

“To you but to my crazy a*s father not so much, I swear I’m like ready to get a restraining order.”

“Do it, need a lawyer? Nick would do anything for his precious Ariela.”

“Maybe, Isaiah is being really good about this whole thing and I think it’s because he knows I’m freaked out. I couldn’t live if something happened to her.”

“You could always come live with me,” Wildflower offered only half joking.

“Might have to take you up on that,” Christina sighed. “Do we have to go back home? We could stay here forever, I could teach here.”

“It would be so nice if we could,” she agreed. If only that wasn’t an impossible dream, eventually everybody had to go back to their lives. Whether they wanted to or not, so she was going to enjoy every second she could.

 

 

Angel opened her eyes and smiled, she was sleeping in bed with Ricky again. They had been sleeping together and spending time together for days. Since he kissed her things were different, not how she wanted but different. They were not having sex but she didn’t need to have sex with him to be happy. She knew he still hadn’t decided to break up with his silly girlfriend yet, but he would. That she had to believe, why else would he want to be with her like this? Sammie made it pretty clear when the three of them went to dinner the day before that she wanted them together. And they had sort of been like a family. Nothing was ever easy for her so she knew it wouldn’t be like this once they went back home. Knowing that she laid there watching him sleep loving him more ever second.

“Sleep,” his rumbly sleepy voice said without opening his eyes.

“No, I like to look at you,” she whispered.

“This reminds me of when we were teenagers and you would spend the night,” he replied. “My mother was convinced I would get you pregnant but dad knew better.”

“Why did he let me stay when he knew we had sex?” She asked smiling at the memories.

“Probably because he thought if I kept having sex with you I couldn’t be gay,” he said. Now he opened his eyes and there was a sad look there that she’d seen before. “Sometimes when I think back on it I feel like he must have known.”

“He loved you and he would have understood,” she offered. But they both knew it was a bit of a stretch, his father was traditional and conservative. And willing to let his teenage son have sex in his house if that meant ensuring that he was straight. Of course that was never talked about.

“I think your daughter wants us to be together,” he said changing the subject.

“I know, what is it that you want?  You know what we want, what we’ve always wanted. She loves you and I love you,” she said. Why did she suddenly feel like a pathetic teenager again? Right, that’s what he did to her took her back to the past.

“It would be nice if I could give you what you want but I can’t. There’s still this thing with Syd and I don’t want to disappoint you or Sammie. You know I love you both and I always will but I need to straighten my life out a little first. I don’t want to promise you anything,” he told her.

“Why am I in bed with you? Why have we been spending time together like this? I knew you would go back to her I just wonder why you’re being like this now.”

“Because it’s hard to see you and not be with you, that’s why I followed you out into the orchard the other day. How I feel about you and how I feel about Syd is completely different. This whole mess is hard; I don’t know what to do.”

“So why don’t you make love to me? It isn’t cheating because you’re in an open relationship and can have sex with anybody,” she said. She watched him closely knowing he was conflicted.

“I’m pretty sure she meant that to only be with men,” he replied.

“It’s not just sex anyway because you love me,” she said.

“If we were to do that it doesn’t mean I’ve decided anything for the future,” he warned her.

“No strings attached, just us together getting reacquainted,” she told him. “This can be your Christmas gift to me.”

“Angel,” he started but she kissed him. “What if I can’t do it?”

“Can’t know if you’re too afraid to just try it could be like before,” she insisted.

“I’m not getting out of this huh?” He asked and she shook her head.

“If you honestly don’t want to then its fine,” she shrugged like it wasn’t important. In reality it was the most important thing to her right now and she hoped it was for him too.

“I just don’t want to disappoint you,” he whispered.

“That won’t happen,” she replied.

First they kissed and it heated up pretty fast and clothes came off. She realized just then how much she truly missed him. There was years of want and need in this moment, it was like coming home again. Though she knew this might be the last time for a very long time she savored every second she was with him. Every kiss every touch and feeling, it was all better than she remembered. The experience was obviously mutual because he was hungry for her. There was licking biting and scratching and then he was inside of her. He took her to a place she hadn’t been in a very long time. She’d forgotten what it felt like to be completely sexually satisfied. This only strengthened her resolve; she was going to get him back one way or another.

 

 

Jose wasn’t really big on holidays and often did his best to avoid them. It being Christmas and him now having a son changed things. But Joseph was too young to know what was going on. He wouldn’t admit it but Jose was starting to like this family holiday stuff. His parents were cold distant people; Christmas with them was never labeled as fun or enjoyable. Sometimes maybe amusing if the rest of the family was around to make of or annoy. This year with the new extended family it was actually fun. Normal people liked to spend time with their families during the holidays. It took way too long for them to get some normal people in to show them real holidays. The Laiez family was definitely a Godsend. They made life interesting and changed his views of family and holidays.

Jay the aspiring chef bought some Brazilian cook books and with a little help cooked enough food to feed an army. There was no drama and everybody was mellow, even Carmen his ever snobby/grouchy sister. No it was perfect, or as close to perfect as you could get. Something was definitely in the air in this place, it was peaceful. Here his wife wasn’t crazy and paranoid; she was more or less back to her old self. Maybe that was why he liked it here so much. At home Jasmine was crazy and annoying; here she was the perfect wife. They spent time together and hadn’t had a fight in days. He was ready to offer to stay here and be the caretaker just so he didn’t have to go home. Home was where the drama was and the other Caprianis.

The whole concept of family wasn’t something he gave much thought to until recently. Maybe he should have thought of it more before he committed himself to marriage. Better late than never, or so he hoped. Cheyenne had basically become his stalker and he had to turn his phone off since he’d been here. Between Cheyenne, and various other family members that thought they needed to tell him about his alleged bad behavior. Why was it so hard to believe he really had nothing to do with this? In the past he’d have egged them on and loved to mess with them but it wasn’t like that now. He had a wife and a son now and he didn’t want to screw that up. Besides Cheyenne was just good for fun and to torment his cousin. He loved Jasmine; he never really cared much at all about Cheyenne.

If he was going to cheat on his wife he could do better. But he was going to prove everybody wrong and be faithful. So far so good, except maybe a few women chatted him up when he was out with Joseph. His intention was to give Jasmine a break and time to herself while he bought her Christmas gift. Apparently a man with a baby attracted women, how could he know that? Joseph was an attractive baby and everybody liked to tell them so. Jose was proud of himself for not being tempted; he turned down any offer for a “play date”. It would be easy to cheat and he wouldn’t get caught unless he wanted to. Easy was boring, he’d rather listen to Jasmine nag at him than do something just because it was easy. If any of it had been challenging or worth his time then trouble would have followed. Sex he could have any time he wanted that was why he had a wife. He did like to keep entertained.

Brazil was entertaining, it was one place hadn’t been before. Part of him wished he had come down here before he got married. Relationships weren’t serious but marriage was very serious, so he had to remain faithful. Which was hard when in a country full of beautiful women, not that his wife wasn’t beautiful because she was. The trouble was that maybe he needed to get all the sleeping around and having fun out of his system. Too bad he hadn’t thought about that before getting married. Now he was stuck and couldn’t touch another women. And the reasons he shouldn’t weren’t what they were supposed to be.

He wasn’t just being faithful because of morality; he was not a moral person. The reason for his monogamy was partly to see if he could do it, partly for his son and partly to avoid fighting with Jasmine. It should have been just because he loved her but if she didn’t know then there was no reason to bring it up. Besides he was certain that her reasons for being faithful more had to do with guilt and what she would lose, not love. There was love in their marriage; most of it was just for their son. He kept trying to figure out how things changed so much and how to fix it. If he didn’t their marriage wasn’t going to last and a split would be a huge mess. And Joseph didn’t deserve that. So he was brainstorming ideas on how to reconnect with Jasmine.

Originally he bought her jewelry for Christmas because she liked nice expensive things. Then an idea came to him while they were here. It was a beautiful place and they hadn’t had a real honeymoon. So tomorrow they were leaving for a few days to have time alone. If this plan didn’t work he wasn’t sure what he was going to do. Joseph was going to stay at the villa amongst family. Jasmine agreed to it which was surprising but a blessing. He found a nice secluded place for them to go and after a few days away they would meet their family in Rio. Nicolas arranged for everybody to take a little trip before the big New Year’s celebration in Rio de Janeiro.

He was thinking about their trip to Greece, it had been the best time in his life. Well before he met his son, who was a result of that trip. That was sort of how he had pictured being married to Jasmine, just fun. Fun it was not but it wasn’t really bad either, she was working on her issues. He was starting to think maybe they needed some type of marriage counseling. If a few days away couldn’t make this marriage workable then that was his plan b. At least he was trying, he didn’t even believe he could put this much effort into anything. Even work wasn’t something he took too seriously, nope that was what Nicky was for. Thinking of that made him feel guilty; his brother needed a break too. Somehow he was going to make it up to everybody, it was time to really buckle down and get serious. Life wasn’t just a game anymore, but he sure missed the days when it was.

 

 

Caroline was home alone, she was still locked in her room though. The reason Delanoz said was because he didn’t trust her not to try to help her sisters. At least he brought them back, though she wasn’t sure what their current status was. He did keep the promise about taking her to see the doctor. And he played the role of devoted husband well. Today was supposed to be Christmas and it had once been one of her favorite holidays. Not anymore, Delanoz had pretty much succeeded in breaking her spirit and her will and any and everything else. She just did as she was told with no more resistance. Except today she had an idea.

Since Delanoz went out to do God knew what she planned a surprise for when he came back. She couldn’t take this anymore, it was him or her. Once she was certain that he was gone she turned on the shower and then she broke the mirror careful not to cut herself. The first thought she had was that she could just end her miserable life. Days ago that might have been an option but she’d heard her baby’s heartbeat. Regardless of who the father was this was still her child. This child deserved to live or at least get a chance at life. Delanoz deserved to die and suffer; it was time for her to fight back.

Patiently she waited for his return; it was late when he did. It was obvious that he was out drinking, he smelled of liquor when he came into the room. He did at least remember to actually bring her food, even if it was 5 hours too late. Of course even drunk he was going to make her work for her food. Which she had anticipated, it was part of her plan. His keys were sitting on the nightstand, just as they always were. When he was ready to sleep he would lock them in the room or get up and leave her alone. The routines helped her plan a lot, and this could work as long as he didn’t go into the bathroom.

“You still hungry?” Delanoz asked her and she simply nodded. “Then be a good girl and show me you want to eat. Before you think to disagree our child needs for its mother to eat.”

“Of course,” she nodded staring at the ground.

“That’s my girl,” he said looking amused. Yup it was still like he was talking to a dog not a human being.

Like expected she was on her knees in front of where he sat on the bed. Caroline started to perform her task mostly to distract him. He laid back on the bed getting nice and comfortable. While looking up at him she reached under the bed for the pieces of mirror she had hidden there. Slowly so he wouldn’t notice she pulled one out and took a deep breath. With a shaky hand and rage so strong it was hard to contain she stabbed him where it would hurt the most. He screamed or roared, it was an awful sound. Then again since he had a big chunk of glass stuck in his penis so the sound was justified. Another piece she stabbed into his leg before he could get up. Another wail of pain came but she’d already grabbed the keys and was heading out the door. He yelled and made threats but she didn’t turn back. She just ran, at the basement door she fumbled with the keys. Her sisters needed her so she wasn’t going to let them down this time. Freedom was closer now than it had ever been before.

 

 

Sammie was in her room with Allie when her mother came in. All day Angel had been smiling and happy, too happy. Now she came in and laid on the bed still smiling. It had been days since she stayed in this room with Sammie. Not that Sammie minded, she wanted her mother to be with Ricky. When she told Jordan about what she wanted he laughed and told her not to get her hopes up. But there was hope; she’d seen it in the way Ricky had kissed Angel in the orchard. This was probably selfish and crazy but it was always what she wanted. Obviously Ricky wanted it too; either that or he was a terrific actor. He wasn’t like that he didn’t lie or pretend.

“You had sex with him didn’t you?” Allie asked, because of course Sammie never would have.

“Why do you say that?” Angel asked she was still smiling so it was obvious.

“Because you did and I must say you really are good at what you do,” Allie replied.

“What you think all I do is seduce men? That’s not how it happened at all, but I know my daughter doesn’t want to hear details,” Angel said.

“Ok so you had sex with him, what does that mean? Are you getting back together now?” Sammie asked a little impatiently.

“I’m sorry sweetie, it doesn’t mean much of anything,” her mother told her.

“Why not?” She asked a little confused.

“Because he has a girlfriend and he’s not going to break up with her. I’m so sorry baby, it’s going to take awhile before he leaves her for us. But it will happen,” her mother told her. She sat up and moved around to sit beside her. “It will be a process but we will get him back.”

“I just don’t get why he would have sex with you knowing how you feel and just not care. Other men are like that but not him,” Sammie said. And she didn’t miss the look between her mother and Allie.

They were concerned by her reaction as the probably should be. This stupid idea she’d gotten into her head was going to drive her crazy. But she really wanted this and it was frustrating. And she didn’t get how Ricky of all people could be screwing around with her mother but go back to his stupid girlfriend. Yes, she was a little selfish and wanted him to be something that he wasn’t. Maybe she shouldn’t have bought into what she was seeing. Maybe she didn’t really know Ricky like she thought she did. Maybe she needed to let this thing go and stay away from her mother. Angel was the reason she was thinking of crazy things. If her stupid mother hadn’t come back her stupid childhood wishes would have stayed buried forever.

There were too many stupid emotions plaguing her right now. Most of it didn’t really have to do with this but she couldn’t admit that yet. One thing she knew for sure was that she was never going to fully understand sex. In her mind sex meant something. Not to other people it was just a thing you did for fun. So why was it that it wasn’t that way for her? She couldn’t just go have sex with somebody and not care. No, she’d seen what that type of thing did to her mother and Allie. Thinking about sex made her think about Evan and she didn’t want to think about him. That was hard when he stepped up his quest for forgiveness. Maybe she should have just let Jordan beat him up for her; it would have at least been a distraction. What was happening to her?

“Sam, its complicated you know that and it’s hard for him. I know him and how he thinks he’s going to feel guilty for being with me. Even if it’s what he wants and I hate to admit it but he loves her too. He wants to be with us and for us to be a family, he admits it. Please don’t be upset and don’t think badly of him, he didn’t use me. No matter what happens you know Ricky loves you,” her mother told her.

“Be patient,” Allie added. “It might take time to get Sydney to leave him alone. We all know she isn’t going to take this well, but he should be with his real family.”

“I think I need some air,” Sammie said. She got up and left before they could stop her or say anything else.

Walking through the house she just felt hopeless. Nothing ever went right for her; she was getting tired of it. Why did she keep trusting her mother to make things right? Maybe it was time for her to give up on Angel ever making anything better. Like always she was making things worse even when she tried to make them better. Outside she just happen to find Ricky sitting alone. This was either fate or bad luck she wasn’t sure. When he saw her he waved her over, maybe he just knew. Or it was a coincidence and he was going to tell her that he couldn’t be with her mother. No perfect little loving family for her because he was in love with his girlfriends. She was starting to like him better gay because then she’d never have had any hope for any of this in the first place.

“I was considering coming to see if you were still up,” he said. He was sitting on the edge of a lounger and she sat beside him.

“Why to let me down easy? It was stupid for me to want you to be with my mom,” she said. Saying it aloud just made her feel worse.

“You have no idea how difficult this is for me and I know it’s ten times worse for you. But I haven’t decided anything and I really don’t want to hurt you,” he paused and took her hand. “No matter what happens from here on out you’ll always have me around and I’ll always love you.”

“Then what happens when you marry Sydney and have kids with her? Me and Jordan won’t matter anymore, we’ll just be your high school girlfriend’s kids,” she sighed. Oh how bratty she sounded, she needed to get away from her family they were driving her crazy.

“No, it could never be like that,” he told her. “I know this is a mess and it’s only going to get worse but I don’t want to hurt you.”

“Why did you have sex with her if you aren’t going to break up with Sydney? I know my mom isn’t reliable or responsible or sane but she doesn’t deserve for you to mess with her head. And she’s trying to change, it may not work but she’s trying and you’re going to hurt her. Then what? She’ll just leave again and who knows if she will come back,” she said. For some reason she was close to tears, why was she so emotional all of a sudden?

“I hadn’t thought about that,” he admitted. “The sex thing was a bit impulsive, but you are right and I didn’t think this through. It was just us being together like before and it was nice to remember. I love your mother and I always have and always will. All of this reminded me of how my life was supposed to be and I wish it was simple. I heard what you said to her that day in the orchard about what you wanted.”

“If you don’t want to be with her don’t use me as an excuse. Either you do or you don’t, I’ll get over it I’m use to not having parents.”

“And you shouldn’t have to be use to that. I would be lying if I didn’t say you and Jordan weren’t a factor in all this. The trouble is what to do about Sydney, I love her too sand it’s not fair to her. I’m not going to hide anything from her, I’ll tell her I’ve been with Angel. Just give me a little time Sam, I want to make the right decision and no matter what somebody will get hurt,” he sighed.

It was very obvious that he was struggling with the whole situation too. On a logical level she understood that but logic was escaping her. She felt hurt and angry and a little irrational. Yes, she got that Ricky was in an impossible situation and it was hard. But maybe it was the sex thing that had her annoyed at him. When he once again broke her mother’s heart everything would go back to how it use to be. Angel would run off with the first guy that asked and she wouldn’t be a mother anymore. This time was supposed to be different and it was so far and for once the future didn’t depend on her mother. Ricky had to be the one to choose and though he was the saner more competent one he had the power to ruin everything.

Sammie was way too old to hold on to these wishes but she couldn’t help it. She didn’t want to be mad at Ricky; he was always wonderful to her. But she was so full of emotions that there wasn’t much she could do about it. A lifetime of anger had been building and it was ready to explode. She was angry at her mother for bad parenting, her father for being mean and neglectful, Ricky for his effect on her mother, Jordan for leaving and Evan for a lot of things. Even Sydney had a place in her anger for doing whatever she did to Evan and for making Ricky love her. Sydney was in the way of Sammie finally having the family she always wanted. And she loved staying with her aunt and uncle, they were wonderful and they made a family. It was a great family but not the one she dreamed of her whole life.

Having her dream so close and it not happening was killing her. Now she knew how her mom must have felt all these years. How could you keep loving someone all your life if it was clear you couldn’t be together? Sydney opened the door to new possibilities but she was also an obstacle. Was it wrong to want Sydney to just go away? Probably since Sydney fell in love with Ricky and it had nothing to do with his past. He was right that none of this was fair and no matter what somebody would get hurt. Sydney could get over it, Angel not so much and she’d been through enough. This was what was best for her mother, Sydney barely knew Ricky.

Sitting here under the stars with Ricky was torture. He had his arm around her trying to be comforting. There was only one thing that could comfort her and it wasn’t happening. Last year at Christmas when he mother disappeared Ricky and Wildflower came to get her and Jordan. She remembered crying a lot and Ricky tried to comfort her, she’d just been so tired of it all. Though most of that time was a bit of a blur she remembered falling asleep with him talking to her trying to make her feel better. That was how he was always there for you and it wasn’t just him it was the whole family. Even with the love she had she’d always wanted that tradition family with a mom and a dad. Anything would have been better than a father with 11 kids and a mother strung out on crazy. So now what was she supposed to do?

“Sam, I’m going to figure it out soon, ok? Don’t worry I won’t let your mother leave even if I have to chain her down,” he said.

“I’m going to take a walk,” she replied.

Sammie got up and walked away ignoring him when he called out to her. She was walking towards the orchard, anywhere alone was best. There was a bench not far in so she could go over there and get a moment of peace. Jordan was in the house staying the night; she could have gone to find him. The guys were most likely up in the lounge playing video games on the big screen. Before she could get into the orchard she ran into Evan. His guesthouse was the one closest to the orchard. She hadn’t expected to see him but she was an emotional wreck. That was probably why before he could say anything she went up to him and kissed him. Of course he was caught completely off guard, she’d repeatedly told him it was over no matter what he did.

“Sam,” Evan whispered pulling back.

“Let’s go to your room,” she said.

“What? Why? You said-” He got cut off when she kissed him.

“No talking or thinking we’re just going to your bed,” she told him. She was the one that took charge and pulled him to the house. Tonight would be a mistake and she would regret it but right now she didn’t care. Caring only ever got you hurt and she was sick of hurting and never getting what she really wanted.

 

Angel was concerned for her daughter and felt guilty. Why couldn’t she ever possibly do anything right? She didn’t ever consider that if she had sex with Ricky it would hurt her daughter. There was a lot she never considered and needed to now. Every decision she made big or small effected her children, Sammie most of all. Knowing that Sammie really wanted them to be a family should have made Angel wiser. But it didn’t she hadn’t really thought it through. Usually the guys she slept with Sammie stayed far away from and despised. Not Ricky and it wasn’t like she came here to seduce him, Sammie was the one that encouraged her. That look in her daughter’s eyes said everything; she’d wanted this for a very long time. Angel was stupid and never noticed. It was too late to back down now and she couldn’t disappoint her daughter again.

“In Sam’s mind meaningless sex doesn’t translate,” Allie told her. “You would think with us hanging out she might get it but no.”

“What am I supposed to do? He’s not going to go home and break up with that airheaded w***e. It’s Ricky his all about loyalty and honesty and he will tell her and she will make him feel guilty. Then she’ll do any and everything to keep him. Women love him he just doesn’t know it because he hasn’t been dating women. No actually he didn’t notice when we were younger either,” she sighed.

“So if he decides to be with you and play daddy to your teenage kids then what? Are you going to be ok with him being with guys like Sydney? Or will you expect him to be straight?” Allie asked, that was a good point that she hadn’t thought about.

“If he needs to have sex with men then fine, if he was committed to me then whatever,” she shrugged. Truthfully she wasn’t so certain about that.

“Wouldn’t you be worried that he would leave you for a man?”

“No, he doesn’t really believe men can have that type of relationship. His father had very strong views on being gay, that’s why he resents who he is so much. When I was 14 and he was 15 I use to stay the night at his house and have sex with him. Vance knew and welcomed it, what I think is he knew his son too well. Everybody thought we would get married so it was sort of ok. I think I knew too but I was just a little less in denial than he was. I told myself that he couldn’t be gay if we had sex, but of course I didn’t really know anybody gay at the time. Anyway he told me the truth and I was there for him and he did everything he could to ignore it. Work and family got extra special attention for a long time. He was never actually with a guy until he was in his twenties,” Angel explained.

“So what his dad basically brainwashed him?” Allie asked looking stunned.

“Basically he taught him that being gay was shameful and so he still feels ashamed of it.”

“Wow, that really sucks, it’s not like you get a choice.”

“Vance said it was a choice you made to disappoint and shame your family. His father’s opinion was so important to him.”

“Guess I wouldn’t get why his father’s approval was so important.”

“Don’t you? Now you care what your new parents think of you and you don’t want to disappoint them or Tony,” Angel pointed out.

“I guess you’re right,” Allie shrugged. “So how are you going to get Ricky dump his girlfriend?”

“I’m not sure yet but I’m open to ideas,” she sighed. When she looked up she saw Jessica standing in the doorway. “Do you want something?”

“I have told Sydney what you’ve been up to, you are so pathetic,” Jessica said.

“And you wouldn’t label Sydney as pathetic?” Allie asked with a laugh.

“Sydney loves Ricky and he loves her, no w***e from his past will come between them. Maybe you should go take care of your kids Angel and stop chasing after a man that clearly doesn’t want you,” Jessica said glaring at both of them. Of course since she was Sydney’s best friend she had an opinion.

“Tell you bff that her days are numbered,” Angel replied. “He likes having sex with her, so what? She doesn’t know him like I do and as you can see I’m not forcing him to be with me. That’s all him, he loves me and she knows it so she needs to move on.”

Arguing with Jessica wasn’t worth it, she couldn’t really get mad. Because Jessica sort of had a right to be pissed off. Here was the guy that her best friend loved and he was with another woman. And not even secretly it was very public and everybody knew. The Laiezs wouldn’t think anything of it this was how Angel and Ricky always were together. Couple-like even when they weren’t really together it was just how things were. When you acted a certain type of way your whole life it was hard to break out of it. Just like she couldn’t stop loving him or wanting to be with him even if she wanted to. It was what she knew and he couldn’t stop for the exact same reason. So what was she supposed to do about her daughter?

Sammie was a victim of the same thing Angel was, she’d taught her daughter this. She never knew that her love and desperate need for Ricky had transferred to her kids. Jordan was emotionally distant and that was her fault. But he would want it to if he let himself want things like this. All kids wanted a family, hadn’t she wanted the same? That was why she was so attached to Ricky’s family. Good bad and very ugly they were still there would welcome her in. From them her daughter learned to love and be a good person, she was never a good influence. How could she let this go? She couldn’t, this was like her family too and they loved her children. For her Ricky was like home and he was the stability she was lacking.

Her children had been doomed from the start; she’d created this situation with Sammie. She’d only told them since before they were born that Ricky should be their father. Sammie was already having trouble; it was part of her decision to stay. Wildflower told her about the therapy and how Sammie was different. Of course when Angel came back Sammie was on to her next problem with breaking up with Evan. How could she leave after that? Her daughter was hurting and got her heart broken by her first boyfriend. Didn’t that sound familiar? There was just something about those Laiez guys that had you stupid in love with them before you could stop yourself. And the trouble was that you couldn’t fall out of love with them, she’d been trying for 15 years and was still doomed.

Reviews

[deeps]

This is one amazing chapter here. I like all the vivid detail and
such wonderful imagery. I can't wait to read more.
Wonderfully written my friends.