Allie Chapter 18

Allie (Chapter 18) Soul

Chapter 18

 

Jasmine had done a lot of impulsive things in her lifetime but running off to get married at night on a plane was the craziest. Going back home was way too hard, her parents were so upset. More upset than they ever had been with her. But they were in the car on their way back to the house. It had at least been a great couple of days. Now she was married to the man she loved and she had to figure out her life. After the unavoidable blow up or blow ups of course the Caprianis would be pissed too. They all turned off their phones to avoid drama. She’d actually left a message for her mother telling her when they were coming back. When they got to the house there was a car in the driveway that didn’t belong to them.

“It’s Katrina’s car,” Jose said. “I didn’t even tell Nick when we’d be in so I don’t know how she could know. Unless of course mother called the airport, she wouldn’t miss this for the world.”

“Can we let her tell me what she really thinks of me before you tell her the truth?” Jasmine asked he stared at her.

“Why would you want her to call you whatever names she can think up?” He asked looking at her like she was insane.

“Because she’s a masochist,” Holly answered.

“I just want to know what she has to say,” she shrugged.

“No, you want this to be more explosive than has to be, but whatever,” he shook his head. He was the first to get out.

“You Mrs. Capriani are crazy,” Holly told her.

“Yes a little but this will be fun,” Jasmine said.

The truth was that she was ready to hear what everybody had to say with no holding back. Yes she made mistakes in her life but everybody did. That was life and she was sick of hiding things from her parents. If they never wanted to talk to her again because of things she did then that was their problem. This was her life and she was going to spend it with the man she loved and their beautiful baby boy. Everything needed to come out now and she was ready for it. Of course Rosa and Katrina dug up every little thing she ever did and every guy she had sex with. But if Jose could know everything and still love her then she would be ok.

Today was supposed to be her wedding day. She was supposed to be in a pretty dress all nice and dolled up. She was supposed to be happy looking towards the future. And she was supposed to have her small intimate family only wedding that would be beautiful and full of love. That was all a silly dream; it would have inevitably turned into a mess of drama. Family was all about drama and she had to try to find amusement in it. Otherwise she was going to let them drive her insane.

Jasmine took Joseph out of his car seat and followed Jose to the house. He said he would get their stuff out later. Inside they found mostly everyone gathered in the kitchen. Of course they were and surprisingly they were all silent. Katrina and Rosa were the representatives for the Caprianis. It was surprising that Carmen wasn’t there to do some name calling. Jose was staring at his phone as he walked looking troubled. She look up to see everybody staring at them, her red puffy eyed mother, her angry father, disappointed siblings and her uppity brother-in-law. John jr and Vivian were obviously with the kids. The last bits of sanity were left on the beach in Miami.

“Are you happy? Jasmine do you see what you have done to your mother?” Her father asked, he glared at Jose who wasn’t paying attention.

“This is my life and if I don’t know if any of you hadn’t been driving us crazy, we could have stayed,” Jasmine said.

“You convinced Jose to take you away and marry you so that you wouldn’t have to face his family. Do you have any shame at all? Using a child to trap my son into marrying you,” Rosa said angrily. For her to be old she sure didn’t look it, which was obviously because evil didn’t age.

“Oh yes I got pregnant on purpose and didn’t tell Jose because I later wanted to use my son him to marry me. Wait after he’d already proposed prior to Joseph’s conception,” she said. Maybe Holly was right she was a bit of a masochist.

“Why did you have us come down here if you didn’t want to have a wedding?” Desiree asked her.

“I wanted to until you got here and all of you complained and bitched about everything,” she replied.

“Spending time with him has changed you,” Samuel said.

“This is getting old,” Jose said finally looking up. “We are married now end of story, can’t really change that none of you deserved to be there. Let’s all be adults here and let it go. Dwelling on the situation will change absolutely nothing.”

“You say that now but what happens when she takes your child and your money?” Katrina asked more calmly than seemed possible in her.

“Everything isn’t about money,” Holly piped up.

“With your sister it is,” Katrina replied. “Jasmine I assume your parents have no idea the type of person you are. They don’t seem to be bad people but you have sex with men for money. Then you mess with Jose’s head for a few years and here you are with his child. Getting pregnant was probably the best thing to happen to you because then you could finally decide to marry him. Of course he would do anything for you when you dangle a child in front of him. Jose may be a lot of things but there was no way he wouldn’t take care of his child. Even if that meant being miserable with you the rest of his life.”

Silence swept through the room, Jose’s eyes were closed. He was leaning against the wall like he had a headache. Leave it to Katrina to say something true. She was right that Jasmine knew Jose would never abandon his child. Yet she made excuses to keep Joseph from him. What was wrong with her? No she knew it wasn’t about Joseph at all, of course Jose would want him. She was the problem and always had been. What she really had been afraid of was Jose not wanting her. Which she still worried about even though he just married her.

“I did not have sex for money,” Jasmine said. The rest of it she couldn’t answer and while she accepted money and gifts from men she wasn’t a prostitute. These days having sugar daddies was a career choice.

“Jasmine, why is it that people keep saying that you are with men for money?” Her teary eyed mother asked, Rosa actually laughed.

“Because your daughter is a w***e,” Rosa said.

“Ok maybe I have done some regrettable things in the past but I am not with Jose for money,” she said. They were regrettable things she just wasn’t sure she regretted most of it.

“This is all irrelevant, the past is the past and we are moving towards the future,” Jose said. Once again he was looking back at his phone rapidly texting.

“Jasmine,” her father said looking at her ashamed. They all basically looked ashamed and Rosa looked triumphant. “Did you or did you not have sex for money?”

“Its not really that simple,” she sighed. “There are just things that have happened that you wouldn’t understand.”

“You know the term they use for what you are these days is ‘sugar baby’. It’s glorified in the media now,” Michael said.

“Is this really true?” Desiree asked looking disgusted.

“Of course it is,” Rosa said. “If you want proof I can give it to you.”

“None of this is really necessary none of it matters,” Jose said looking up again. For some reason the texting was annoying her.

“Ok I quit this game, Rosa you got your wish I volunteered to sign an agreement that my husband and I agreed on. It is really none of you business and there was no big conspiracy here,” Jasmine said annoyed.

She was annoyed at everybody in the room and just wanted them to leave. Then she handed Joseph to Holly and pulled out the papers and threw them on the counter. Of course Rosa snatched them up and read through them. When she obviously got to the part about children she made a little sound and looked up. This was the right thing, wasn’t it? Jasmine wanted to prove that she wasn’t going anywhere but it was a little much. If she left Jose she would have money, everybody thought that was what she wanted. Money wasn’t worth losing her child. Someone opened the door and ran into the kitchen, which turned her thoughts away. Cheyenne was standing there in her kitchen out of breath and staring at Jose. Now he wasn’t texting anymore, everybody stared at the intruder.

“Jose,” Cheyenne said still trying to catch her breath. “I’m sorry but I couldn’t stop him.”

“What are you talking about?” He asked looking genuinely surprised to see her.

“Liam, he is really angry,” Cheyenne told him. And as if on cue Liam came in and his eyes were locked on Jose.

“You have sex with my wife?” Liam asked, he looked pissed of course.

“Not recently,” Jose shrugged.

“I told you Liam I’m not cheating on you,” Cheyenne said.

“Like hell you aren’t I know you were with him,” Liam said without looking at her. “Care to change your answer cousin?”

“The last time I had sex with your wife was in August maybe,” Jose said. “Yeah that’s around the time she started to bore me again or September. Either way it’s been awhile despite her best efforts.”

“Joseph, you have been having an affair with your cousin’s wife?” Rosa asked seeming completely shocked, Katrina wasn’t.

And Jasmine assumed the whole family knew about this dirty open secret. From what she was told and the basic Capriani gossip Liam and Jose had always been rivals. They were about the same age and had attended school together and competed at everything. Jose was also named Joseph after Liam’s mother his Aunt Josephina. Some said that Liam felt even his mother favored Jose to him but that was speculation. Attending one Capriani family gathering gave you enough gossip for years. Cheyenne had been chasing after Jose since she met him in college. He of course got kicked out of college and took time off to jet-set. In that time she met Liam and fell for him.

As the story went when Jose came back to town Cheyenne was engaged to Liam. For once it felt like Liam had actually won, but he was wrong. As soon as Cheyenne saw Jose again she was sneaking off to meet him. Jose being the morally bankrupt person that he was slept around with her to piss off his cousin. In fact he had even had sex with her on her wedding day, twice. Liam was ready to get rid of his cheating wife when he found out she was pregnant. Somehow Jose dodged that bullet and was asked by a few members of the family to leave Cheyenne alone. For the most part he kept that promise but Cheyenne still lusted after him.

Because the whole situation amused Jose he would taunt Liam all the time. Jasmine knew all of this because he told her and they laughed about it. Maybe it was wrong but it was also amusing. Or it had been until the soap opera fell into her kitchen. Jose was the cheating type when he was bored and she knew that. But he never cheated on her, at least not in the past. She could believe that once she came back into his life that he had been 100% faithful. The long term aspects of this relationship did concern her. The Cheyenne thing was in the past, he was always honest about that and she knew they hooked up over the summer. Then he said he got bored as he often did and he knew Cheyenne was pregnant before Liam did.

Jasmine knew that while she and Jose hadn’t exactly been careful in the past when they had sex, he was with other women. Especially Cheyenne, he went to great lengths to make sure she couldn’t get pregnant by him. If he’d been so careful with Jasmine then they wouldn’t have a son, won’t be married and wouldn’t have this house to watch drama unfold. Her family was stunned into silence and way too nosey to interrupt. In their minds the Caprianis came from a whole other planet than they did. They were not wrong in thinking that because Jasmine did too. But she had enough drama in her life and kitchen that she didn’t need this. And she wanted to know why Jose was still texting even now. She assured herself it wasn’t because she believed he was cheating on her.

Though she would never admit it Cheyenne was movie star pretty. The little harlot went to great lengths to keep herself looking good. It annoyed Jasmine that being pregnant didn’t change the adulteress’ looks. She stood there with her cute little round belly and her purchased tan and blenched and extension filled hair. No, Jasmine was not jealous because Jose was hers. But she didn’t want these people in her house. Liam, the professional baseball player, was good looking enough not to need his s**t wife. Poor little Jonah was stuck with crazy parents. Having them here actually made her feel a little more normal.

“Oh not really, this was awhile ago,” Jose shrugged. “It ain’t my kid Li; I know you like to think every issue in your marriage is my fault. But your wife seeks me out not the other way around. And it’s not like you’re 100% faithful to her anyway. If she isn’t pregnant by you then I don’t know who. Except maybe you should look at her private tennis instructor cause sorry Chey but you suck at tennis.”

“What were you doing meeting her last week,” Liam asked. Now he had Jose’s full attention and so did Jasmine.

“Proving to her it’s not mine, but hey if it’s yours it’s a girl,” he replied.

The fact that he met with Cheyenne was news to Jasmine. There was never anything innocent between the two of them. Maybe she really did need to worry. Now if this didn’t work between her and Jose she lost. She would get money but he would have her son. What had she been thinking? How could she bargain with her child’s life like that? At the time it seemed a perfect solution to prove that she wasn’t the gold digger they made her out to be. Jose won even if he didn’t mean to, she had to stay with him no matter what because of Joseph. When he caught her eye he seemed to be studying her while Liam and Cheyenne argued. Right about now she felt like she was the one trapped, it was sort of ironic how that happened. The alleged trapper became the trapee just like that. With the sign of a legal document everything in her life was turned upside down.

 

 

Allie was leaning against the fence watching two of the horses run around in their pen. There were 5 horses here now; when she was little there were at least 10. Nobody lived here for awhile so the horses got forgotten. Two of them were hers from her past life. Even though the house was lived in again nobody thought much about the horses except in the summer. She always loved horses and loved coming out here to the peace and quiet. Horses couldn’t talk and horses wouldn’t intentionally hurt you. Today she was just as bad off as she had been the rest of the week. She was seriously losing it and she needed to get a grip.

Everything had been so crazy in the house and she came out here to get a break. Sammie was home now and up in her room asleep. When she thought of what could have happened to her cousin it made everything worse. What was Allie doing when Sammie got thrown from her horse? She’d been having sex with Tony in the garage. What was wrong with her? It was sort of like she blacked out and her body kept going on autopilot. That wasn’t even a first for her, she’d blocked out a lot of moments. At least Sammie only had a mild concussion and a broken arm, she could have been dead. If it wasn’t for the cameras everywhere she would have been worse off.

She forced herself to stop thinking about what could have been. Instead she watched the carefree horses who had no worries. Inside she felt completely crazed and slightly out of control. This week had been way too much for her and it wasn’t improving. No it just seemed to be getting worse. But she pretended to be fine so nobody would see; Sammie needed the attention not her. Besides she didn’t know what to say to anybody anyway. How did you explain feelings that you yourself didn’t understand?

“Allie,” Tony called. She knew his voice so well she didn’t need to turn. And she’d known he would eventually come find her. “What are you doing?”

“Thinking,” she replied without turning. He was beside her now with his hand on her back.

“We need to talk,” he said.

“Are you officially withdrawing your proposal? I wouldn’t want to marry a crazy person either,” she said.

“I want to help you,” he said not answering.

“I’m starting to think no one can help me,” she whispered.

“That’s not true, talk to me Allie and tell me what’s on your mind,” he said.

When she finally looked at him tears came to her eyes. Why was he still with her? She was damaged and broken and he was still with her. Even she wouldn’t have stayed with herself. Right about now she sort of wished that she had died, living was becoming too hard. There were all these emotions that she didn’t understand. And her thoughts were a huge mess, she couldn’t suppress memories anymore. The last two nights she’d started having nightmares again. Before now she hadn’t had them like this since she was 13, so 4 years ago. She was having trouble sorting reality from the insanity in her head. It was such a great week to have a complete mental breakdown.

“I don’t know, ever since I went over Katrina’s house I’ve been falling apart. And I worked really hard to be somewhat normal. I tried so hard to forget but its all coming back, all of it including things I’ve done that I wanted to forget. It’s too much Tony, I can’t do this,” she said.

“What can I do to help you? I want to help you Allie, I love you,” he said. When he spoke his lips were against her ear, but she felt his words in her heart.

“I can’t answer that because I have no idea. The world feels like its closing in on me, like I can’t breathe because I’m running out of air. All I’m going to be left with is memories of things I don’t want to remember,” she whispered.

“Tell me then, the things you remember tell them to me,” he suggested. That was what finally made her turn to stare at him.

“No, I can’t you would never look at me the same,” she shook her head. There was no way she could ever tell him, he wouldn’t love her anymore.

“When I asked you to marry me it was an impulse decision because I didn’t want to lose you. But I want to be with you Allie and I want to marry you, no matter when it happens it will happen. It might not be this upcoming June but it will be. Maybe after you graduate or I don’t know really. And I know there must be dark horrible things inside your head, but I want to know you completely good or bad,” he told her.

All she could do was turn so he could hug her. It would have been easy to lie or to distract him with sex. But maybe this was what she needed to do. Maybe this would make it hurt a little less or she could feel a little less crazy. At this point she didn’t trust herself at all. If she took her car out for a drive there was a very good chance she wouldn’t come back. That was why she’d come out here to try to pull it together. Talking to Tony and telling him all her secrets and everything was the hardest and scariest thing she’d ever considered. If he truly loved her like a love that was in books and movies then he would love her despite the past, right? And if not it was never truly meant to be anyway and nothing else would matter if he didn’t love her anymore.

“Are you sure you want to go there? Cause if I open my mouth to tell you things then it could get pretty ugly,” she said. He slid down to the grass and pulled her into his lap, and then he kissed her.

“I’m not going anywhere,” he assured her.

Allie realized she had to do this and she was terrified. The past year she’d been teetering on the edge of sanity. When she wasn’t allowed out in the summer she started venting her frustration with sex with Evan. Then she convinced herself she was in love with Ivan. All of that had been to distract herself from the real problems in her life. Since she came to the mansion she had been pretending and trying to project as much normal as she could. She had been on this road to a complete breakdown for a long time. And she’d fallen for Tony even with the chaos in her head and she tried for him.

What if her head got cleared and she wasn’t so in love with him? They got together and things did change in her head and she tried so hard to do normal things. She was a cheerleader and had friends and she did her school work. The constant partying stopped and she was home a lot. And she was completely faithful to Tony; she was monogamous when she never thought she could be. Maybe being able to sleep in her bed without fear made things easier. She could actually sleep and didn’t have a knife under her pillow anymore. Feeling safe did affect her and in turn she did change some. The fear of losing Tony was too much for her, she wasn’t sure what a sane her would do.

Then something else occurred to her. Yes her mother was enough to drive a sane person to murder, but there was more. Not just Markus’ sudden re-appearance or her summer sexual exploits or the suicide attempt. Tony was the first guy she truly loved and technically her first real boyfriend. He was also leaving her. The trust issues between them were probably also a factor and the possibility of marriage. There was also the worry over what she was going to do with her future. It seemed like every little thing was a factor and Tony was a big part of it. Not to mention there was the thing with Wildflower, she couldn’t have lived if she lost her.

Life was becoming too much, before she didn’t have to care. Before she could drink and do drugs and have sex with no worries. She could just blank out whole days or weeks and it would be fine. Starting to care about herself and other people was the hardest thing for her. Not because loving was hard but because she didn’t want to hurt those people she loved. She wasn’t alone anymore. The most selfish thing she did was try to kill herself, she honestly hadn’t thought about the effect of that. Sammie would never have recovered if she’d succeed. Now she had to think of others like her boyfriend/fiancé and her family and her friends. She only really had three friends that weren’t her family, but they were really good friends. People cared about her and she cared about other people.

That meant she had to work at this. If not for herself then she had to do it for the people that loved her. And if she could find away to keep it together now than maybe she could handle Tony leaving. Six hours was a lot further than down the hall. And it wasn’t like she would be alone, she had family now. She needed to focus on the present and the future as apposed to the past. So telling Tony completely everything would hopefully help her to let go. Or it was going to drive him away. If that happened she still had to work at regaining control of her life.

She hadn’t had control since was 10 and she lost it more and more every year. This was why her uncle wanted to help her, to make sure things still mattered. If she really and truly stopped caring about herself and others than there was a good chance there would be no coming back from it. Shaking and scared she opened her mouth to bare her soul completely. From the incident that happened to cause all these problems to her binge drinking, drug experimenting and even group sex, she told it all. At least the things she remembered which included things she’d never told anybody and didn’t want to admit to herself. Hearing it all aloud and saying it didn’t make it better but she did feel like some of the weight was lifted. At least that was a start.

 

 

Wildflower was sitting out on the balcony outside her bedroom thinking. The house was pretty quiet; everything was quiet since Sammie’s accident. Yes she would be fine and there was no permanent damage but she still got hurt. Family gatherings always led to bad things. She almost could have died or been kidnapped at her wedding and Delanoz was arrested. Two days after her engagement party Allie attempted suicide. Joining these two families was obviously bad luck. When she’d agreed to move in with Nicolas her family’s house caught on fire. Those were either bizarre coincidences or the universe was trying to tell her something. Then there were those multiple occasions where trying on her wedding dress made her faint. Maybe this was never meant to be. She knew she was looking for excuses.

At 23 being pregnant and having 5 teenagers was a lot of work. Nicolas was right that she was almost always stressed about something, half the time it had to do with him. But there was also a fear that she wasn’t safe and neither was anybody in her family. The first time Owen broke into the house and attacked her it took her awhile to recover. Then while she was trying to take her life back Brooke was attacked by Owen. Being stalked and almost sexually assaulted and attacked by your husband’s crazy ex was enough to make you go crazy. It affected her more than she ever admitted to herself. That was a lot to happen to anyone. All of that and the possibility that her husband cheated on her was too much.

She hadn’t forgotten about the stripper she just chose to ignore the situation. If she could have forgotten it would have made things easier. For some reason she was thinking of it today, she was thinking of a lot of things today. Life was short and anything could happen, maybe that was it. Staying home to take care of her sick brothers was what kept her from dying with Daisy. Another thing on the list of things she never needed to think of again. Thinking of the night with Owen reminded her of the fact that she shot him. She had shot another living breathing human being and she didn’t feel the way she should have.

Though she was angry about the incident that happened on her wedding day she wasn’t sure what to feel about the people involved. Nicolas was planning to kill these two women because one of them hurt her and the other was her accomplice. Sadie wanted to get rid of her baby because she was jealous. And Wildflower had told her husband that she didn’t blame him for it. That wasn’t true she did and she didn’t want to admit it. Maybe that was why it was so easy to get mad at him over little things.

Logically she knew that it wasn’t his fault and there was no way he could have known what would happen. Logic didn’t rule when emotions did and she was all kinds of emotional and hormonal. She knew that for sure because she should have felt differently about the fact that Nicolas was going to kill for her. It was one thing to say it figuratively and another for it to be literal. If she didn’t care about other people losing their lives what kind of person was she? Sadie wouldn’t have hesitated to let her die; she didn’t need to know her to know that. The woman was obsessed just like Owen. He’d said he was going to get Owen too. What was she supposed to feel? What was the normal human response to this situation? Why couldn’t she feel anything?

She was losing herself and had been for some time. Maybe it happened when she moved in with a man that kept her a secret from his family for months. Or when he proposed to her and his parents immediately thought a she was a gold-digging trashy w***e. It could have been losing her job and being forced to stay home. That was when she hired Brooke as her assistant when she didn’t need one. Her excuse for being home had been the kids and planning the wedding. Somewhere in there she started going out a lot more than she had since high school. Then came the shopping addiction. She spent money like it was going out of style and didn’t even look at prices anymore. Having a limitless credit card was a blessing and a curse.

When she was younger after her mother lost the house and had a fight with her grandmother, they lived in a very small duplex apartment. Wildflower was one of 12 and the place had two bedrooms. If that wasn’t bad enough Aunt Maria and her kids lived there too. That situation somehow lasted for almost a year, how it worked with so many people and one bathroom was a mystery. Once the landlord found out that there were nearly 20 people living there it was time to go. Before she met Nicolas her family lived in a house with more people than bedrooms. Now here she was buying a house she was never really going to go to and accepting another house in another country on another continent as a gift. Currently she wasn’t allowed to fly so she couldn’t visit either house. Even once she could fly she wasn’t going to be going out of town every weekend or enough at all to justify the expenses.

This wasn’t her life and it didn’t feel right. Maybe it was the hormones talking but it bothered her that she was like this now. She acted like a spoiled brat and she hated it. The truth was that she was not rich and she did not have money. Nicolas was rich and had money and she just spent his money. If she didn’t contribute to the world in someway it was going to make this worse. That was why she wanted to volunteer, it would sort of make up for some of everything else. Her family thought she deserved to be happy and not have to worry after all the things from the past. Little did they know that finally having security didn’t make it easier for her. She was just use to taking care of everybody and working. It had been 5 months and she had no idea how she would spend her life.

Her husband and mother of course thought she should be home with the baby. She could agree with that, a child needed to be raised by his or her parents. But there was just no way she could stay home until her child was school age. Other stay at home mothers might have housework to do and chores, but she didn’t. Tammy had been the caretaker of the house when nobody lived there and it was here home too so she was still here. And Tammy ordered around the maids that came in to clean or do laundry and the stables works and the landscapers. So if she stayed home for a few years she wouldn’t be doing anything at all. Except of course going completely insane.

Volunteering was a good and admirable thing but it wasn’t permanent employment. What were career options for a translator with little job experience and a high school diploma? The more she thought about things the more she wished she could drink. She wasn’t much of a drinker but she craved alcohol because she couldn’t have it. Just like right now she was craving pizza or maybe steak, actually she wanted a tomato and cheese sandwich. Being pregnant was odd for her and the cravings were pretty random. With the way she was eating now she wasn’t surprised that she was gaining weight. Before her wedding when she was stressed out and unknowingly pregnant she lost weight, a good bit of weight. Now she was showing a lot more than when she got back from LA.

“Hey,” her husband called when he came out.

“Hi,” she replied without turning.

“Are you ok? Something wrong?” He asked sounding concerned like always.

“I don’t know who I’ve become Nick, but I can’t let you kill for me,” she said. At that she turned to look him in the eyes.

“The problem has to be eliminated otherwise they will come back. What am I supposed to do risk your life or our child’s? Sadie is unstable and she wouldn’t hesitate to kidnap or kill our child. Don’t ask this of me,” he replied. He wouldn’t look at her, just went to stand looking over the property with her behind him.

“I know I asked and I had to know but I can’t be responsible for the death of another person. No matter what they did to me, to us, we aren’t the law Nick,” she said.

Keeping herself detached from the situation wasn’t going to work anymore. Being spoiled and addicted to shopping was out of character for her. Those things she could deal with, those things couldn’t hurt anybody. If she let this happen she would be completely losing herself. This wasn’t the way she was raised, not by her brother or her parents. It was wrong to let these people be murdered no matter what they did. And maybe she would have felt differently if she was hurt more or she lost the baby or if someone she loved was hurt. But she still had her baby, not her sanity but she was alive. Brooke hadn’t been hurt when Owen came after her just sedated. Promoting violence and murder wasn’t who she was and it wasn’t what she wanted for her child.

“Laws don’t always apply,” he whispered.

“Please Nick, for me and our baby, don’t do this,” she said.

“It is not in my nature to not seek revenge,” he said.

His back was still to her and she knew why because she knew him. Maybe she didn’t know every little thing about him like he did her. When he said there were things she didn’t want to know she believed him. The stuff she knew was bad enough, she couldn’t handle knowing worse. So in some ways she was one of those wives that turned a blind eye. But in this situation ignorance was best. She asked and that was her fault so she knew. And knowing meant that she had an obligation to put a stop to this. Next time she wouldn’t ask but she hoped there was no next time. If she ever hoped to continue with this marriage and retain her sanity she had to do this one thing. Her husband could not look at her because if he looked her in the eyes, he would give in.

“Nick I love you, I have been so confused lately about our relationship. And it’s this that is the problem, I thought I was just being insecure and crazy,” she said. He turned then to stare at her with a guarded expression.

“What you don’t want to be married to me anymore?” He asked, he was searching her eyes but staying guarded too.

“I didn’t say that, but this is difficult for me I won’t lie. And its not really anything you did, we just rushed this whole thing. So much happened and I’ve just been trying to adjust to being your wife,” she sighed.

“Do you recall I told you we didn’t have to get married? If it wasn’t what you wanted then why did we do all this?” He asked and now he was angry.

“If I didn’t truly want to marry you then it wouldn’t have happened. It’s just a fact that we did move too fast and we made a lot of impulsive decisions. I don’t know how to be a wife Nick, you are my first relationship. Most of this isn’t about you or our relationship it’s just me,” she said. She felt like she sounded crazy and she had no idea what was wrong with her.

For what seemed like forever he just stared at her. At this point she didn’t know  what he was thinking. She didn’t regret marrying him, but there was just something. Some weird nagging indescribable way she was feeling, that keep her from getting any peace. She wasn’t even sure it was about their relationship at all. So what was? What did she feel that had her continuously questioning everything? It was starting to feel like someone was invading her brain. Maybe Sadie made a voodoo doll of her or found a witch doctor or sorcerer to cast a spell on her. Thinking that made her want to laugh, she was definitely losing it. The only reason she didn’t laugh was because Nicolas looked serious and would probably react badly.

“I honestly don’t know what to say to you,” he said after awhile. A knock on the frame of the door made them both turn to see Carmen.

“Hey Nicky, why don’t you give us a minute?” Carmen said carefully watching his expression. Without a word he shook his head and went back into the house.

“I bet your mother will be happy that I’m ruining my marriage,” Wildflower said. She pulled her knees up and stared at her toes, she should have kept her mouth shut.

“Listen to me, you know I hate to be serious but you leave me no choice.  Honey, I love you, but I think you are depressed,” Carmen told her.

“Are you a psychiatrist?” She asked and Carmen shrugged.

“Could have been if I finished college, I was majoring in psych. My passion was fashion and fun. Anyway I was depressed you know after what happened with my child being kidnapped,” Carmen said.

“Why do you think I’m depressed?” Wildflower asked because at this point she was willing to take any advice.

“Let’s see for starters on what should have been the happiest day of your life something seriously traumatic happened. You are trying to be a wife to a man you barely know and you’re pregnant therefore emotional. Oh you’re husband is slightly psychotic and is afraid to let you breathe. Nicky is suffocating you and we both know it and I don’t care if he hears me say that. You’re stressed out with these damn kids that have to paw at each other. Allie herself is just a whole ball of stress for you the girl is one incident away from losing it forever. There is a lot you’re dealing with and the constant worry over if those b*****s will come back and what Nicky will do. Both of us know that he can easily get carried away and justify anything he sees fit,” Carmen paused. “And you were never happy about getting married in the first place.”

“Melissa, Allie’s therapist suggested that I see someone, maybe I should,” she sighed. Someone needed to make sense of the crap in her head.

“Do it, you need it so that you can stop obsessing over everything. I may want to have fun all the time but I know marriage is a huge thing. Take it from someone that’s been married twice, if you don’t hammer out the problems now it will get worse. Nicky is completely loyal and would do anything for you. Talking to him right now might be too difficult if all your emotions are a big confusing mess. Just tell him you need some time,” Carmen told her.

“I hate this, why can’t I feel normal?” Wildflower asked thinking of her mother’s struggles over the years.  

“What is normal anyway? You’ll never get it in this family,” Carmen said. “Now that I put my two cents in I’ll send your hubby back in.”

“Thank you,” she told her. With a smile and a wave Carmen disappeared back into the bedroom.

“You weren’t happy to get married?” Nicolas asked when he came out, of course he listened to them talk.

“Not exactly and you know why, but I did it because I love you. Just right now I’m mixed up,” she admitted.

“Then I suppose we should make you an appointment, huh?” He asked, he came around in front of her chair and looked down at her.

“I guess so,” she whispered.

“Baby, I love you and whatever it takes to make this work I will do,” he said. He kneeled down in front of her and took her hands. “I will go with you, ok? If being in this house is too much for you we can figure out something.”

“What about what we were talking about before?” She asked staring in his eyes.

“I can’t make any promises on that right now,” he replied.

“Alright,” she said. Arguing was the last thing she wanted to do right now, especially when he put his arms around her. Just for a moment she didn’t want to think or feel, just be with her husband.

 

 

Christina was sitting in her great-grandmother’s bedroom that had now become the place where she would die. Nobody explained exactly what was wrong but they did say something about cancer. Great-grandma Jacqueline was 90 years old so she at least lived a full life. There were family members all over the house, some Christina knew and others she didn’t. Everyone was polite at least but they also looked at her weird. For once it wasn’t because they were wondering if Ariela was really hers. That happened a lot since she was pretty much the same color as Isaiah. With a tan Christina could never really get much darker. So people looked and some thought she was a babysitter or they tried to guess not too subtly what Ariela’s race was. People amused her sometimes. Christina never saw colors she saw people, that task was impossible for her father. There was still something to the way they looked at her but she had no idea what it was.

“You have a beautiful family,” Jacqueline said smiling at her. She did look weak but she smiled with a twinkle in her eye.

"Thank you," Christina replied.

"I'm so sorry that your father kept you away from your family so long," Jacqueline said reaching for her hand. "I always liked you the most Christina, you've always had a good heart. You are still in school?"

"Yes, I hope to be an actual teacher by the time Ariela starts elementary school," she answered.

"Well I am living on borrowed time now; any day could be my last. So I will not drag this out I'm finalizing my will now and I would like to include you. Unfortunately your father is the same selfish bully he always was and I hate that he hurt you," Jacqueline said and shook her head.

"It isn't necessary for you to leave me anything, I'm just glad I got to come see you," she said.

Maybe someone else might take that as fake but it was true. Money made thing easier, which was certainly true. But she was the happiest living in that overcrowded crap house surrounded by family. Becoming a part of such a loving close family changed everything for her. And it made her view her own family differently, given the choice she knew exactly which family she would choose. Maybe that should have been a harder thing but it wasn't. She hated that Isaiah thought she'd consider leaving him if she had money, she sort of understood why though. He was afraid of not being able to take care of his family and of losing them. The funny thing was that she was afraid of the same things. There wasn't enough money in the world to make her consider leaving him. If she didn't care about not having money before and put up with his bad attitude, obviously she wasn't going anywhere.

"I was thinking of leaving you this house," Jacqueline continued. "But I suppose if you have a family and you're in school and your husband works that would be impractical. Since you have a child I thought that a trust for her would be most appropriate. Well for the both of you, any living expenses and schooling costs can be taken care of."

"Oh," was all she could say. "Are you sure? I don't want to sound unappreciative but you really don't have to do this."

"Not another word about it," Jacqueline said patting her hand. "Now, tell your husband to come in here. I want to speak with him."

Christina obeyed and sent Isaiah in for the private conversation. She went to find Ariela who was with Cole. When she went downstairs and looked in the living room she found her daughter. But Ariela was not with Cole, no because that would have been fine. She was in fact alone in the living room with Christina's father. He looked up at her with a suspicious looking smile. What did it say about your family when you couldn't trust your own father with her child?

Reviews

[deeps]

This is one amazing chapter here. I love the detail and the imagery.
It make it one powerful read. Very well written.