Apparently Jay G. was confused about how I thought my poem 'Forever As One They Will Be' is poetry. I am confused too so I am letting Billigami have it. He is going to rewrite the poem in every form. This is the second installment of what is going to be "The Grave Tree' series. How many facets of the same gem can I cut?
To start, Haiku, Senryu a Tanka and Cinquain.
My Review
Would you like to review this Poem? Login | Register
"roots tend memories" is my favorite line among them all .. not an expert on forms but the haiku, to me is not so much centered on nature .. is more like a senryu to me .. not a criticism .. just an unprofessional observation ... death, dying and beliefs .. i like how you have created a thread through them with the "stone" the "cross" "roots" and "graves" ..pretty clever says i .. what a challenge to wring forth a theme within the confines of form ... :)
E.
Posted 2 Years Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
2 Years Ago
Thanks. And you are right, the haiku barely qualifies. I let wordplay allow me to get a season in th.. read moreThanks. And you are right, the haiku barely qualifies. I let wordplay allow me to get a season in there and seeds and gardens were natural enough. But I like the fact that you are paying attention. Stay tuned....I'm rewriting the poem in every form . Challenge is on! Thanks Gene
I like this one, very well written, great expressions and to the point. and it has the quality of a song, at least it gives comfort to sing even when the subject isn't so nice and warm like the situation here.
Posted 2 Years Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
2 Years Ago
The Japanese forms would make good songs. With a little rhyme, which they aren't supposed to do. Sin.. read moreThe Japanese forms would make good songs. With a little rhyme, which they aren't supposed to do. Since I wrote these I've discovered more Japanese forms but will stick with these four. I need to move on from the series. I still have to write the ballade and rework the sonnet and pantoum for meter. And to satisfy my 'teacher'. I'm about to purge! Billigami's been busy!
Nicely crafted poem! It's really sad but is written well.
Graves garden humans
Nourishing eternity
Roots tend memories
Favorite stanza!
Posted 2 Years Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
2 Years Ago
Thank you Karen. You must be the Karen I was about to find, and may have already. Starting to get lo.. read moreThank you Karen. You must be the Karen I was about to find, and may have already. Starting to get lost in the crowd that is the cafe. I would have been looking for Sills. Happy to sadden you with this poem!
I really liked these and the last one is brilliant
Posted 2 Years Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
2 Years Ago
Thanks. Interesting how that last Cinquain ended up being kind of timely. I hope the Russian people .. read moreThanks. Interesting how that last Cinquain ended up being kind of timely. I hope the Russian people rise up before many more have to lay down in graves.
"roots tend memories" is my favorite line among them all .. not an expert on forms but the haiku, to me is not so much centered on nature .. is more like a senryu to me .. not a criticism .. just an unprofessional observation ... death, dying and beliefs .. i like how you have created a thread through them with the "stone" the "cross" "roots" and "graves" ..pretty clever says i .. what a challenge to wring forth a theme within the confines of form ... :)
E.
Posted 2 Years Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
2 Years Ago
Thanks. And you are right, the haiku barely qualifies. I let wordplay allow me to get a season in th.. read moreThanks. And you are right, the haiku barely qualifies. I let wordplay allow me to get a season in there and seeds and gardens were natural enough. But I like the fact that you are paying attention. Stay tuned....I'm rewriting the poem in every form . Challenge is on! Thanks Gene
Veins of time engraved
Ancient stone standing sentry
Guarding death from life
For a silent century
Living together as one
I really like this part, This is a wonderful yet sad write really.
nicely written.
Posted 2 Years Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
2 Years Ago
Thank you. You liked the Tanka then. I admit it is my favorite Japanese form. Those extra 14 syllabl.. read moreThank you. You liked the Tanka then. I admit it is my favorite Japanese form. Those extra 14 syllables really help to make a complete statement. Thanks for writing Gurl.
I live in Seattle. I have been a nurses aide most of my life and my experiences as a caregiver for people with disabilities has inspired much of my poetry. I love the puzzle of poetry. Expression with.. more..