Martha Smiles

A short capture of my life growing up in a beach town in Massachusetts, this took place Spring 1974, I was 18.

Martha Smiles

“Billy!”
Mike Burns waved me over to the bar…
"Listen Billy, if you streak through my bar you will be barred for life, I mean it this time!”
A year before on April Fools Day 1973 , the legal age to consume alcohol in Massachusetts was lowered from 21 to 18 years old.
Definitely an appropriate date for the change.
I was 17 when they lowered the age, many of my friends, myself included were able to “pass” and get into the many bars that were available to us in our beach party community.
Hull/Nantasket Beach is a small peninsula town and back then, it was like living at the carnival every day.
I think the biggest attraction in the summer was our beach, which stretches 3.5 miles, certainly one of the best beaches in Massachusetts and only 20 miles from Boston. Next was Paragon Park, an amusement park founded in 1905 as well as all the arcades that surrounded it.
Then there were all the restaurants and bars and back then…everything was booming!
So…
Now it’s early April 1974, I’ve got a years worth of bar partying under my belt and always getting into trouble because of it.
Meanwhile…
A trend was started back in 73-74, it became known as “Streaking”. Basically, some brave fool , disrobes completely and once totally nude, runs though a crowd…preferably a football game, concert…one even Streaked passed actor David Niven while he was announcing an Oscar winner at the Academy Awards.
So, this particular night, I’m partying at Mike Burns Saloon, a bar that had portraits of Mikes father and grandfather behind the bar, it had been in Mikes family for 100 years or so.
While sitting with some of my crowd, someone mentioned that a streaker ran through the playground across the street the night before…
Now…
I was plastered by this point and cannot claim all quotes as fact, but generally so…
I must’ve hinted that I was brave fool enough to go on a Streaker run…
Friends started literally betting that I wasn’t…
“Ok, I’ll streak right here, right through Mike Burns, how much you bet??”
The pot ended up being $35.00, definitely not a jackpot, but it was 1974, todays worth is $240.00…
So, not bad for an 18 year old…right???
Unfortunately, the folks going around collecting bets must’ve drew Mikes attention…
And now he’s warning me…do not do it Billy or you’ll be barred!!!
But that $35.00 was flashing before my eyes…
I wanted it and didn’t want to give it up because of Mike’s say so…
And that’s when Plan B came to light…
I gathered everyone that put money into the pot and explained the situation…
“Mike’s threatening to bar me for life if I streak through his bar, so I’ve come up with an interesting alternative”
What I didn’t tell them is Mike was also very friendly with my parents and I was sure it’d definitely get back to them if I did it!
“What’s the alternative?” They all wanted to know.
"I’ll streak through the Hull Police Station!”
Immediately Plan B was enthusiastically accepted by all betters, and many bought me pre streak drinks.
After filling up on more liquid courage than was needed, we sailed off…
I remember I got a ride in the back of someone’s old cargo van, following us was a parade of cars.
Once we got close to Hull Town Hall where the police department was located, I had the driver pull off to the right side of building…
The plan was, I was going to go up front stairs, through doors, get downstairs where the Hull Fire Department is and exit their back door and be picked back up by the van…perfect…
So, I strip down to just my streaking sneakers, exited the van and ran over to side of the building , from there I worked my way around to the front, using bushes as cover as I moved along.
Once at front stairs, I can see the desk cop on duty, I think he was busy typing something up…
I quietly inch my way up the top of the stairs, getting behind one of the huge white pillars…I peek, he’s still typing…I make my move and get through front door and stop…I wait to hear if the desk cop gets up off his chair…did he hear or see me???
Once I hear the typewriter, I move on, but still have to get by the desk cop again…
The office door faces the stairs that I need to go down…
I peek, again notice that he’s not noticing me, so I scoot past him again without being seen…
Well, I’ve basically accomplished my mission, I just need to run down and out back door of Fire Department, it wouldn’t matter if a fireman saw me, I was going to be out the door and in the van in seconds…
Once in the fire house, I hear and see no one, it is 2am mind you…
I run past the fire trucks to the back door and turn the knob, it doesn’t turn, it’s locked…or I was too drunk to figure it out.
Now, I have to run back upstairs, past the desk cop and out the front door again, which I do, no problem..
Unfortunately, once I got to the bottom step, a police cruiser started pulling into the lot…
The van was out back with other vehicles waiting to see me complete my gamble and also pick me up…
I knew I wasn’t going to make it to them in time, I then saw a Datsun 280z sitting out front just feet from me, it was Bobby, someone I knew from the bar that came as a spectator…
I run over and open the car door, next to Bobby is I’m guessing his girlfriend…
I’m trying my best to crawl into a car that only fits two people uncomfortably…
"Billy, you’re not going to fit, there’s not enough room!”
Bobby pleads….
“Alright MacEachern, we got you!”
I heard a familiar voice say…
It was officer Bobby Batts, he was a very cool cop and good friends with my brother Jack.
Next to Bobby was another officer, a face I didn’t recognize…
Turns out, he was a rookie and Bobby Batts was his training officer…
Batts mentioned to me that he wouldn’t have arrested me if he was alone but his hands were tied in this situation…I believe him, Bobby Batts was good people.
I was brought inside, booked and put into a cell.
It was so cold that morning , I was freezing, I’m not sure if they gave me a blanket but if they did, it must not have helped because I kept yelling that I was cold and they ignored me for the longest time…
At one point I was able to rip one of the wooden boards from the cell bench/bed, and I banged it back into bricks then forward into cell bars…over and over till someone finally came down…
Im thinking then was when I got the blanket…
When I was bailed the next day, I found out my sister in law had drop all my clothes off at front desk an hour after being arrested…they didn’t give them to me till I was leaving….
I was very pleased I was not being charged with indecent exposure,I was only being charged with disorderly conduct and an added charge of destruction of town property(wooden plank)..
Ironically my bail was $35.00 dollars,…
So all I really got out of it is a fun story to tell…
Though…
At first, my mother was mortified, she didn’t see the humor in it all…
Till her friends started saying…”I hear your son was the one who streaked through the Police Station, that’s a riot!”
After a while she started introducing me as…”my son the streaker”
My day in court was uneventful…
I got a “6 months continuous without a fining and restitution for damaging town property ”
Judge Martha Ware hardly ever smiled…
But I know when the prosecutor described the scenario and got to the point of letting the judge know I was “he was streaking …ahhhh, naked your honor.”
She was shielding a huge smile when she bowed her head and covered her face….