How to cook an egg

Planning on publishing with art that is in the style of Chris Simpson.

Scrambled eggs are simple, quick and, taste delicious making it the perfect breakfast. Despite the simplicity, you still had to find a recipe and in a book none the less why didn't you just google it. Why did you even need the recipe it's scrambled eggs what's next you forgot how to breathe. You are such a sad and miserable failure no wonder no one loves you.
Oh, so now we're crying? get up! no one cares how you feel so just shut up and follow the recipe. Are you done? Can we start now? Ok, thank you. First, grab a cloth and soak it with your tears Next, squeeze the cloth into a bucket and seal the top with a metal lid. when the lid is sealed start a fire to do this go to your next-door neighbours Kevin's house take the lighter and the propane tank out of his barbecue. But don't get caught, break his security break with the large rock to your left side and jump the fence. Once your back at your place put the propane tank inside of your own barbecue and start that bad boy up. Set it as high as it can go and place the bucket over the top of the grill. Every minute touch the metal pot until it gives you 3rd-degree burns. when it does this you can turn the barbeque off and open the metal lid. If done right the salt from your tears should be at the bottom. The second thing we'll need is an egg there are many kinds of eggs some good some bad and knowing you you'll pick the bad ones. To find a good one go to your local general store and pick up a metal straw then drive back to Kevin's using the crowbar in your trunk pry his front door open once inside look in his fridge there should be half a dozen eggs. Take the straw and puncture each egg drink a small sip from every last one and then take the best one and bring it home. Now reflect on how stupid you are. Wanna take a guess on why you're stupid? Because you forgot to grab the cheese and pepper. You might as well just give up its people like you that wreck this world. Once back inside Kevin's house realize that he has returned home from work and has noticed the break-in. Find the nearest blunt object and hit him on the head. If done right he should now be on the ground go to his fridge and grab the cheese as well as the pepper oh and don't forget to grab Kevin! Take his unconscious body to your basement and duct tape him to a chair. Make sure his restraints are tight and then go back to your barbeque. Open the lid to the barbecue and inside the lid crack the egg. Now grab a large magnifying glass and set it up so the sun hits the egg when the egg starts to sizzle place the rest of the ingredients, (make sure to use all of it. ) And there you have it an easy to make good hardy breakfast.