The Sail Boat Mircale. Chapter Two

Chapter Two : Seeing Things.

 

I walked out the blue doosr of the school feeling very self consious. I didn't know why though. The feeling of something following me. Watching over me, gave me an odd sensation of thrill. It felt, amazing. I continued walking over to my car. I glanced over my shoulder, like seeing a flash back was standing there a young fourteen year old boy grinning with his football in the crook of his arm as he walked over in jeans an one old football shirt and waved with his other hand and then swiftly dissappered with the wind. I smiled softly, feeling reasurance at the figure and then shook my head, my imagination getting to me again. Then the sun was settled by an army of clouds where the sunlight dissappered and then small rain fell on me. I sighed letting a breath out as I got in my car, the beat up blue volkswagon; with a messed up bumper backing out and speding off onto the small trafficing road, towards my house. I looked out my side window as the light rain came down, as the woods next to my car came in blurs as I sighed. I loved this small town. Tt was home, an always would be

. I sighed and looked out my window seeing the small raindrops fall down the pain slowly. I smiled a little hitting a red light as I looked out my window, the farm, my farm. My parents owned James's farm. My family's last name. I was proud to have it and call it mine. Bareing my name, it made me feel very important in this town, although it wasn't a tourist spot, it still meant alot. I sighed and took a sharp left turn onto Lancaster Road, I sighed and turned around parking my car against the white picket fence that kept our horses and cow's in.

I smiled and walked down the small dirt road, shoving my hands in my jacket pocket, letting the rain fall down on me. I felt something next to me, then a guy with a black jacket, replica to mine ,hands in pcoket with blonde hair, grinned as me as I blinked and he drifted away like mist with the rain poruing down as well. I looked forward again and still walked into the red barn where it was somewhat warm inside. I sighed contently as I went to the radio and turned on so classical music, knowing my parents would like some so called 'good' music on. I walked over to the stall named 'Truly'. My horse. I grinned opening the wooden stall. I walked in slowly as he neigh softly at me. I smiled ,grabbing a brush and brushed his long bangs back and then down his long neck,laughing softly. "Hey Tru, how's it going ?" I asked and he nudged me with his head. I laughed and sighed as I hugged his neck. I kissed his nose as he huffed with a low neigh. I laughed and sighed. "C'mon wanna ride in the rain?" I asked as he didn't reply with a motion. I laughed and patted his neck. I shook my head again as I felt a cold breeze run across my back and neck making my hair flow across my right shoulder as if the door opened to the barn, but It was closed shut.

I turned and looked down, feeling goosebumps on my neck and sighed and kissed the side of Jude's head and walked out, sitting on a couple of hay bails. I layed my back down on them and ,staring up at the red wood, I looked around for a second before resting my head on my arms and then I closed my eyes thinking. Why did you leave me? I bit my lip and then felt goosebumps run down my side and herd a faint whisper in my ear say. "I never did...." I sat and saw nothing, but stalls with animals and hay all over the concrete ground. I sat the fire-lite lamp get a small flicker over it as it went out. I took a deep breath and let out a small smile.

Reviews

[Brighid an Lasair]

the flow here is much better after the revision, I think it's really coming along nicely :)

I looked out my side window as the light rain came down, as the woods next to my car came in blurs as I sighed. I loved this small town. Tt was home, an always would be. I sighed and looked out my window seeing the small raindrops fall down the pain slowly.

This section feels very repetitive though, maybe a reword would fix that?

Also, in changing the name of the horse, you forgot to update the last paragraph :) Keep writing, it's looking good.

[Brighid an Lasair]

This chapter feels really rushed, almost scattered at points, which is appropriate for the idea of seeing things or hallucinating, however, it feels like your jumping through the lines instead of stringing them together; but I like where you're going with it. I'm sure if you give it a day or so and read it again you'll have no problem smoothing it out. Something that I noticed; the cat and the horse have the same name, I don't know if this is intentional or not though.

I see a lot of potential with this, stay focused and you'll have something great at the end!