My Little Pink Book

Coming out story. No matter how negative you are one thing you need to keep in mind is nothing ever turns out the way you seem.

“I’m not trying to prove a point of how bad you are, or how much I hate you today. I’m just writing in my Little Pink Book, proving I’m strong”

“Why don’t they notice?” you ask yourself. You don’t want them to look at you differently, you want to be accepted. Yes, you are a little different than what they expected. You know that you’re probably going to get a few stares around the house for a while, but if they accept me what could be any better? You wish that they could just notice it, they could just sit you down and ask if I am or not, and all you have to say is “yes.” Then they say I’m here for you. Having perfect images of what they are going to say, just to make yourself feel better.

You’re shaking, worrying, freaking out. Debating when, how, where to come clean. You want to tell them so badly, you want them to know who you are and that I can’t change who I am. You want them to accept you for who you are. You’re just too scared to come out. What if they yell at me? What if they don’t ever talk to me the same? Why don’t they understand this is who I am? Most of the time your freaking out wondering at times if they already know.

You’re ready to come out of the closet. You’re fighting with your parents because the other night you took off, because no one understood you. You were tired of pretending everything was fine when in reality everything was falling apart, and no one notices. She’s yelling at you because she was scared she almost lost you, or you didn't want to live there anymore. That maybe you were going to leave forever. She says “Please don’t do that again don’t leave, I love you and I don’t want you to get hurt, I love you!” *kisses your forehead*

You are sitting in the backyard talking about what’s going on. You’re not really paying attention, because your debating whether or not to tell her. Shes is rambling on about something you interupt her saying, “wait.” Hoping she is listening, but she continues on something. You can feel your eyes getting watery, you can’t see. You feel the tear roll down your right eye. You tell her again, “WAIT.” Making her stop talking.

“What’s going on?” She asks

“I’m…” you cant find the words. *tapping the chair in frustration”

“What is it, you mind as well tell me!” She keeps saying because she sees me crying, wondering what’s on my mind. Why is she crying? I see the curiosity in her eyes even when its pitch black outside.

“I think I might be gay…” You say real softly, where she can’t hear.

“Huh?”

“I'M GAY!” You yell at her because that the only time you can say it aloud.

The whole time your expecting her to just walk away, yell and shout at you of how wrong of it is of you. She says “Oh,What makes you feel this way?” You don’t have an answer, your looking down in disappointment, expecting something to happen and those words set you free “It’s alright.” You look up with tears in your eyes. Shes standing their and she tells you, “This is nothing to be sad about, this doesn't change who you are, no matter who you like, you will always be my granddaughter, and I love you.” She hugs you tight. *tears in your eyes, smiling knowing everything is going to be alright*