Casey Leroy Torhaul

A funny poem about a funny ball player.

The Dusty County Cicadas had a big game that day

A lot of pride and 50 bucks was riding on their plays

And when one considered all the training, it might be wise to seem

That Father Fortune would smile upon the players of the team.

But The Cicadas aren’t a very good team, and it’s known throughout the land.

They’re cursed with broken bats, twisted ankles, battered hands,

A practice field overgrown with weeds, fans who groan more than they cheer,

A manager who hates the team and loves a pint of beer.

The players try their hardest and their gusto earns respect

But everyone who’s honest knows the team’s an honest wreck.

There’s just one player on the team who denies what is known by all

The young and bold, number zero-six, Casey Leroy Torhaul.

Casey always loved baseball. He had a fondness for the game.

But he always liked the sport far less than he liked the fame.

He dreamed of being cheered on by thousands of adoring fans

And to achieve that not-so-humble goal was his one and only plan

He was only ever chosen for that very particular shine

In his eyes that those looking for good sports players rarely ever find

Aside from that he struggled with every aspect of the sport

Batting, catching, pitching, he always came up short.

A better pitcher than he was Buzz (Tank) Jones

When he was on the pitching mound it was sure no one would go home

Buzz offered to coach Casey and give him tips on how to throw

But Casey’s pride wouldn’t allow for it and he’d always answer “No.”

“Dizzy” Douglas was a fielder that everybody could respect

In catching and in throwing young Hernandez was adept

He gave Casey pointers often, told him to keep his chin up

But to every tip he got Casey would just snap back, “Shut up!”

The silent, sickly Toro was amazing at the bat.

It made the others wonder what was hidden beneath his baseball cap

Nonetheless, they told Casey to watch, learn, and just stay still

But Casey wouldn’t do that unless against his will.

Team leader, Moe Hue, had enough of stubborn Case’

He needed to make sure that young Torhaul knew his place

On the evening before the game, long before all hope had died

Moe prepared his spiel and pulled Casey to the side.

“We’ve been playing for a while now, and you are still falling behind.

You’re the weakest link in this chain and I have half a mind

To ask you to turn in your uniform and to hang up your hat.

So Mr. Casey Leroy Torhaul, what do you say to that?”

Casey was in shock. The scolding made him want to hide!

Casey loved the team so much, and he really did try.

Moe hadn’t been cruel, he’d just been frankly frank.

Casey knew that if he didn’t improve he’d be ousted from the ranks.

When his alarm rang the next morning, Casey bolted out of bed.

The spring in his step only amplified by the plan running through his head

He knew that today would be the day he would show them all

The prowess and the skill that defined C.L Torhaul

As was his custom, Casey was late to the pre-game practice

As was his custom, old Moe, did not take kindly to this

Casey ignored the stares and the whispers about him getting sacked

He changed into his uniform and leaned onto the rack

Nothing seemed odd as they started out the game

The Cicadas were failing miserably, so that was all the same

Then late in the 1st inning it was Casey’s turn at bat

The crowd saw him prance onto the plate and wave around his hat.

But then the crowd started laughing in a very strange display

This was odd because the ball hadn’t yet been put into play

Casey’s team looked around panicked, and then saw what he did

As Casey Leroy Torhaul was holding a plastic bat made for kids

The men, all crowded at 1st base, hid their faces in their hands

As they heard all the laughs and jeers coming from the stands

“Casey! What are you doing?” They all pleaded with the batter

Everyone thought the man at the plate was madder than a hatter.

Casey didn’t seem to mind, in fact he started to gloat!

He danced, he laughed, he tipped his hat, all he did was showboat!

He didn’t seem embarrassed, he was beaming from ear to ear.

It was at this point Casey’s intentions became incredibly clear.

“Fire me.” His smile said “Throw me off the team.”

“I know I have a hash to settle, I know I have a clock to clean.”

“But know before you do that I’m going to make a show,

And Casey Leroy Torhaul will be a name all will know.”

The pitcher was confused, but soon started to throw

And whenever Casey’s bat connected, the bat would dent and so

The Cicadas looked on in horror at their teammate’s antics

They were already far behind and things were getting frantic

“Strike three! You’re out” Came as almost relief to the horrified, embarrassed team

And this would be Casey’s final walk from what they all had seen

Nevertheless, he seemed incredibly chipper for a guy whose career was a stake

His team looked dumbfounded. Had he not realized he made a mistake?

The game went on as usual, with Casey hidden away

And what the batter’s fate was, Moe Hue would not say

Even after the game was over, his teammates ignored him still

It was clear that Casey’s actions had bred some ill will.

The next day Casey was called into a meeting with Moe

A serious email simply stating “We need to discuss… you know.”

Casey hyped himself up, ready to face the music

He didn’t even seem the slightest bit nervous

“Well Casey, the reports are in about what you have done

Embarrassed us, made us laughing stocks, encouraged a collective social shun

Disrespected America’s pastime, made yourself a fool,

Distracted from the game, and probably broke some rule.”

“I should probably fire you on the spot, but I’m not and this is why

For one, you practice hard and I also see you try

But here’s the kicker, we’re in the news more than if we’d won zero to ten

And Casey, and don’t think we’ll get that kind of press again.”

Casey was only half in shock. This was his plan all along

As he left the meeting he sang a little song.

“Take me out to the ballgame!” He sang completely out of tune

“Cause I want to see Casey Leroy Torhaul act like a total loon!”

Conner

12/10/23

God Bless America! Play Ball!

Author's Note

This is my second poem ever and it's also much longer than my first so I'd really appreciate any and all critique related to writing these sort of narrative poems. And yes, before anyone asks, this poem is inspired by Casey at the Bat and poems like Finding Casey's Card and He Never Heard of Casey, however this is not a Casey at the Bat sequel or re imagining or anything like that. These are my own characters and story and Casey Leroy Torhaul just so happened to be named after the famous character as a kind of cute reference.

Thank you for your time,
Conner