Why did it happen again?

I had gotten up, felt my feet touch the floor and took a deep breath

no one had ever told me it could be that hard to face near death

I had gathered energy all day

just to walk to the bathroom, what did I want to say?

My memory blacks out like a book with ripped out pages

You can't complete the story without them,

Where do I start? 

It probably will take ages…

The bathroom floor feels cold, calm, like moss

my head is heavy… 

My eyes move around the room, I look across

I see it, the metal… It makes me feel not worthy 

I can't even control my body, I had already picked it up

My head shakes as I try to calm

but my eyes just throb

I look at my skin, all cut up

I sigh to myself

I never wanted this to happen, 

It feels like a startup

I get up as I see the red blood leave behind stripes

It drips to the floor, oh f**k

I made a mess, what if someone will know?

I clean it up, slow

I did it again…

Why did I do it?

It should have never happened,

I just can't stop it

People tell me to trust them,

but as soon as they know

they leave me alone

That's why I never talk

That's why I shut myself

That's why I shut up

That's a memory, that will never be unlocked

Author's Note

I apologize for my grammar since English is not my first language