Blood And Hurt

Blood And Hurt

A Poem by Lilith

The blade it shimmers in the moonlit darkness
Like your smile at high noon
The pain rises deep within
Like your happiness, always ready
Ready to flow and cover all
I watch as the droplets fall
In my mind I see it clearly
I held on to you dearly
As I think, it makes perfect sense
I cause it by my own stupidity
I alone must take the blame
While the others rise to fame
As I lay here, hurt
My life seems useless, less than dirt
I alone caused my pain
And I alone will take the blame

 

 

© 2008 Lilith


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Now this is a piece that stands out brilliantly on its own and has to be my fav of yours till thus far. Your imagery is very strong and carries a very powerful punch.
If I should criticize... there was only one word that threw me a bit. Maybe you should consider removing the "IT" in your opening line, unless you put it there for some poetic emphasis.

Either way a brilliant write, I loved it!


Posted 16 Years Ago


One thing on this piece my friend. I think I picked up a spelling mistake here, happyness should be happiness if I'm not mistaken. But other wise good
Keep them coming from your soul
Leran Vakem

Posted 16 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.


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Added on August 13, 2008
Last Updated on August 13, 2008

Author

Lilith
Lilith

Kempton Park, South Africa



About
Hi there I am Lilith. Close friend to Leran Vakem. I have another also on this site who is close to my heart, Raven Malak. more..

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