Her Smile

For my special friend, Brooke

I miss her.
That's all there is to say.
But contained in those three words
Are a million others locked away.
They mean I want to see her smile
Because it brightened up my day.
They mean I want to talk to her
And tell her things I couldn't say.
They mean she meant so much to me
In ways I still don't even know.
They mean I often think of her
Though she left some time ago.
They mean I couldn't count the teardrops
That have fallen to the ground.
They mean I miss the happiness
That was there when she was around
They mean I want a hug from her
To tell me I'm gonna be okay
Though life is hard right now
And I often feel pain.
They mean I want to hear her play
Because it sounded like an angel
They mean she's here, on my mind
Almost everytime the wind blows.
That mean I can't thank her enough
For the things she didn't know she did
They mean I was shy and quiet then
But what was is not what is.
They mean she meant a lot to me
Just because she was nice and sweet
They mean that her just being her
Was enough and thensome to me.
They mean my violin lost it's beauty
Because all I can hear is hers
And I want mine to sound like it
Only it never will because I'm not her.
They mean I'd give anything to see her
Or to sit and talk awhile.
They mean I want another lesson
Cuz I just want to see her smile

Author's Note

I wrote this after a friend of mine moved half ways across the country. She was a very bright and special person to me and such an inspiration with Christ shining through her. O didn't know her very well and didn't show it much when I was with her, but in reality, she was what I looked forward to seeing every week. The sunshine in my cloudy life. I clung to the memory of her smile, what I'll always remember her for, and always looked forward to seeing her.
Okay, now aside from all that, I can't help but feel the poem isn't any good. Could you help point out reasons why? Thanks for any input!! :)

Reviews

[AAmell]

Very touching message. I assume this is from a woman’s perspective, and it reads much like a romantic poem. I think this is very powerful in our day and age. My constructive criticism would be to try to stay in a set Meter (Tetrameter, Pentameter, etc.). Insuring that you keep a specific syllable count per line makes for an easier flow. If you want to get very technical, you could also try to stay in a set Rhythm in the future (Trochaic, Iambic, etc.). This very much aids in an easier read. These things seem very daunting at first, but pay off end the end with better poetry. I would also suggest removing the initial line “I miss her.” This is essentially spoon feeding the reader your overall message, but the focus should really be on showing the reader with your poem that you miss her (which I think you achieve very beautifully).

[Reba]

Thank you for your kind words but also for being honest about what was off. I found this helpful. I do intend to study more about meters and rhythms. As of now, I get lost all of that. But I wish I understood it better.
Thank you for pointing out that I did give the point away at the beginning. Now that you mention it I can see you're very right. However at this point, I'm not sure how to take it out because for the rest of the poem I referred to them.