Cold Gold

Cold blue hands lay

on the cold metal slab today

Last breath taken

a beautiful life foresaken

A smile that once lived in my eyes

now only lives in my mind

Laid to rest for eternity

those words are f*****g killing me

The cold March winds would mark another year old

reminding me that we eventually lose all that's gold

The faith I never had before

is all that keeps my blood off the floor

So I swear I'll change my ways

so I can meet you at the gates

when I reach my end of days

Reviews

[Sir Drift & Mr. Pulse]

I see the cold follows the wind that blows from all directions. The south draws north as the east slides west. And there you stand in between life and death. What is there to do you ask? Pull on one of the hairs and eventually one will give out and gift you what is theirs.

[BBP]

The south draws north as the east slides west. And there you stand in between life and death.....really dig this line. Thanks for stopping by

[Shabeeh Haider]

We can never get over the loss of a loved one.
Beautifully expressed with the hope of meeting them soon

[BBP]

Thank you for stopping by!

[Alessander]

A smile that once lived in my eyes
now only lives in my mind

These two lines are like a gut punch

Anyone who has lost a loved ones knows these sentiments. The grief, the reflection and judging of ones own life. Somehow death makes our squabbles seem petty. And we always say "we'll change" but do we?

I love how you start the reader off right at the scene, the cold blue hand on the metal table. Everything chilly.

This poem also reminds me of a famous Frost poem (don't know if that was intentional with the Cold Gold)

"Nothing gold can stay"

I might have two minor suggestions

1. I know the theme is "cold" but maybe another adjective in "cold March"? like "frigid"?

Also, "table" - maybe "slab"? I actually do think they're slabs, and the connotations would further solidify the inanimate cold theme, methinks.

But just a thought.

Good stuff.

[BBP]

Are you just returning the compliment for what I said earlier? Lol the Frost poem is my all time favorite one... Even based my book title on it! Huge compliment. Thank you!

And yes .. Slab flows a lot better.. I like that

[Alessander]

Nothing Gold Can Stay

Nature’s first green is gold,
Her hardest hue to hold.
Her early leaf’s a flower;
But only so an hour.
Then leaf subsides to leaf.
So Eden sank to grief,
So dawn goes down to day.
Nothing gold can stay. - Frost

Also, fav quote from The Outsiders!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TwJ-ppxCGPk

[BBP]

The Outsiders is also my all time favorite book! You got good taste.

[mercy party]

i dont think you need to change your ways, you'll be there. The first two lines hit me hard. You are a great writer!

[aLittlePain]

This has a stillness and beautifully sad! I can relate too much to this. Having recently marked another year for my baby sister just recently. This is raw, time doesn't take the edge off I find...that's just me though. I have no faith in any God or higher place but I pray anyway! Powerful, sincere writing! R xo

[BBP]

This was written for my little sister as well. It doesn't get easier you just get stronger and more clever In dealing with it

[BBP]

So so sorry about your little sister. 💕

[aLittlePain]

Thanks Bev, I'm sorry for your loss too. I understand a bit more now (The Grease and the Gold)

[BBP]

Yeah I figured I should've it a living breathing background to start with and that's the one thing I felt I could put all emotions into

[aLittlePain]

Well it's felt my friend and makes the best kind of reading

[Paul Bell]

Still like the rawness of this poem.

[BBP]

Thanks Paul. A double read huh? Huge compliment that you still love it! :)

[Paul Bell]

I think its the starkness of the poem. Nothing is dressed up. You can't hide from that.

[BBP]

I appreciate that very much Paul. I don't know any other way to write except blunt and harsh...in case you couldn't tell lol

[Paul Bell]

Sort of see that. lol

[BBP]

Lol it's obvious huh? Lol

[Gypsy Warrior Queen]

If we could all be this certain....your poetry is screaming louder than a banshee at me today. Powerful stuff!

[BBP]

Wow!! Thank you so much Queenie. :) Hopefully it's not too close to home today.

[cs richardson]

Death is so difficult for the living. No matter how much you say before someone dies, there are a million more times you wish you could or would have said more. We hope, often without true belief, that we will meet again with open hearts and full voices. Lovely expression of the immediate loss of a loved one.

[Pete]

wow. this is so powerful and somber. such despair. a real downer. gave me a case of the 'willies'. a bit of light at the end though. great imagery, feeling and title.

[BBP]

Thank you Pete ! :)

[Jimmy Yetts]

Admittedly, a wise and determined perspective.
No matter the positive view, however, taken on such tragic events--ultimately--life is very sad.
Heartrending, Bev.

[BBP]

Thanks Jimmy....very sad, but carry hope, whatever kind you can find.