CLOCKWORK

bedtime, rumble, pillow

12:25 A.M., dark, still

at once, gentle rumble of the freight train

passes through my village each eve

three horn blasts, startle me

as my eyes droop, book in hand

my clue to sip some brandy

view the antique ticking clock

turn the loose switch on my favorite lamp

smooth my silk coverlet

puff my down pillow

ease my drowsy head

muse about my sailor boy

in a distant place

until slumber shrouds me

in perfect bliss

Reviews

[Einstein Noodle]

what a beautiful moment created says i! especially like the "loose switch" ... fantastic detail that says a lot ... so much i can relate to in your poem ... also love that she waits for her sailor ... so many stories and avenues pop to mind ... so enjoyed reading and the experience in "Clockwork"
E.

[Betty Hermelee]

So enjoyed your comment! Thanks

[barleygirl]

I've always felt that the mark of the best writers is when they capture the most innocuous details, but ones which come together to form a vivid vision. Like the "loose switch" . . . everyone relates! Each little movement as we settle in, you paint in bright details & we are there with you. Gotta love those regular beacons in our lives, our markers to remind us to feed the dogs or go to sleep. You bring in the humanity of a scene since most can relate to having a comforting routine (((HUGS))) Fondly, Margie

[Betty Hermelee]

You are the best! Thank you for such an in- depth review, fondly, Betty

[bigfootprint]

Very touching little picture, Betty. It flows well, without the snap and jerk of the haiku days of old. You capture the pleasantries of home, letting your mind roam free amid the noises, feel, and little nesting habits of bedtime. We all have our little ways of getting comfy at lights-out. When we fade off in our reveries, our minds drift to restore our faith in people and places to help us attain that perfect bliss. I heard a talk show pundit last week defending his theory that our minds trigger astral projection that makes dreams true experience if not actually real. Sometimes my mind goes to unsavory people and places I would never choose to visit in broad daylight. Delightful, Betty. -- Doug

[Betty Hermelee]

Doug: you are amazing and your critique has so many wonderful details, I love it!
Fondly , Betty

[bigfootprint]

keep up the good work

[Pete]

you've so wonderfully blown up a moment in time into an eternity. a peaceful serenity and contentment. interesting bit - "muse about my sailor boy" - conjures up all kinds of possibilities. very enjoyable read ... :)

[Betty Hermelee]

Thank you Pete and happy to meet you!

[Dara]

You create the perfect bedtime scenario giving attention to detail and sounds that put the reader right there. The musing about the far-away sailor breaks from the gentle nighttime ritual to bring in a hint of romance that leaves us wanting more. A very softly intriguing write. :-)) Simply lovely!

[Betty Hermelee]

Thanks so much for your comments!

[Paul Bell]

Used to live near a river and the foghorn of the ships heading out to sea would sound early in the A.M.
Always used to think when I was younger the foghorn was giving me warning of doom. Strange how those sounds never leave you.

[Betty Hermelee]

Thanks for your comments

[alanwgraham]

Your snapshot of these few moments has worked beautifully Betty. Eyes drooping, book in hand, is very familiar but a sip of whisky would only speed the process. The mention of the sailor boy hints that the horizon may be clouded.
Great work!
Alan

[Betty Hermelee]

Thanks Alan, Pert of this is real (not the brandy or the sailor boy!)

[alanwgraham]

You don't have a screw loose do you?

[Betty Hermelee]

perhaps!!!

[Lea Sheryn]

Another beautiful picture is painted on my mind courtsey of Betty Harmelee. Thank you, Betty.

[Betty Hermelee]

Thanks Lea, so glad you like my poetry, I love your stories!

[Lea Sheryn]

Thank you, Betty. :-))

[Chris Shaw]

So following this nightly ritual I am wishing you peaceful and blissful dreams. Such a relaxing write Betty with thoughts of a loved one far away. Nicely conveyed.

Chris

[Betty Hermelee]

Thank Chris, I guess it could lull you to sleep! Thanks for the review!

[John the Baptist]

Sounds like a bedtime ritual. I got relaxed just reading it.

PS: in the third line from the end, did you mean "distant?"

[Betty Hermelee]

Thanks for the review, yes I meant distant, will edit thanks