TORN

Dual love

One married man’s pith severs

Eyes and desire bestowed on two.

His wife, a previous scullery maid,

his prior lover, a married aristocrat.

His wife suspects trouble, jealousy.

Hearsay soars as he looks smitten with “her.”

By no means does he touch her bodice.

Yet, she bows and he kisses her hand.

Speaks to her in humble tones.

Thus, the lover gently loosens his capture.

She declares her stature,

Implores him to mend his spirit,

no longer shall it be sliced.

The whole belongs to his spouse.

The lover holds true to her dignified married lifestyle.

Reviews

[bigfootprint]

The narrative flows well here, Betty. Good grammar and syntax serve well. I might have strived for more graphic and dramatic metaphors in areas of smitten hearts and unfulfilled desire, real or imagined. You and I have insightful mind and good grasp of the language. Still, we must remind ourselves that reader excitement comes when we strain the bonds of surly complacency and render a vicariously more exciting window to the moment for the verbal traveler. Keep up the good work.

[Betty Hermelee]

Great review and very helpful; unfortunately or fortunately my poems are succinct with quick imagery so elaboration is not the usual, but anything goes and who knows when my poems will take the turn!

[Fabian G. Franklin]

I think there's enough effort sustained in loving one woman to grow tiresome with time were it not for dedication and tenacity. A fellow has to be like a bulldog guarding the backdoor. I could never imagine trying to keep up the effort of pleasing two. My own marriage is one founded in friendship and love. So when it's your friend and not just your romantic interest it changes the playing field significantly. This was well written. I'm certainly glad it's not something that would ever raise questions or concerns in my own life though.

[Lea Sheryn]

Lovely, Betty! I like how you build tension in your poetry and bring it to a conclusion that deserves a sigh of elation.

[barleygirl]

This poem describes a familiar trajectory which I find hard to subscribe to. I know many go this route, but for me, a cheating heart is a deal-breaker that a couple never really comes back from in any kind of a satisfactory way. It's a cleave that continues cleaving, no matter the corrective measures. This poem feels very cerebral to me -- you lay out the facts with an inherent sense of judgment. Most people see things this way, but I feel there could be more of a humanistic way to tell this story, showing that people have weaknesses & make mistakes & destroy unions while pretending to go on untarnished (or whatever). I just don't get the feeling that the storyteller has any compassion for what these real vulnerable hurting people must be going thru. Stories are interesting, but feelings are what draws a reader close. I honestly don't know how any of these people FEEL! (((HUGS))) Fondly, Margie

[jacob erin-cilberto]

smitten is as smitten does...torn between two lovers....been there done that, and felt this...
there are such good reasons to lean either way...but we are stuck leaning both and falling over ourselves and those to whom we share our affections.
the one lover is almost more a fantasy...neither might make the move, but the chemistry is boiling over.
this worked quite well for me...nicely done
j.