Dazed

Decisions, Decisions, Decisions

Sitting on the edge of the soccer field in Sainte Radegonde paying little attention to the game going on in front of me, I consider my options of what to do. How did I end up in this situation of hurting someone because I chose not to be honest from the beginning of what I really wanted. Maybe it is an inability to truly understand the condition of the human psyche that puts me in my current predicament. If I behaved or at least attempted to feel the emotions that other people seem too, I may actually have more compassion and empathy for the fool who does. It is probably my immature mind of the 19 years of existence that has a lot to do with it, but the idea of getting caught up with the idealism of faux emotions just to say you feel something seems like a perfect way to self sabotage your life.

The extreme would be to be completely nomadic and move on quickly before any bonds or connections are made as long as no one can see the facade. I have found that 12 weeks is the limit, after that your fail safe boundaries are beginning to falter, your insecurities are starting to show through the rose coloured chateau you appear to live in.