Humpty Dumpty

It's not him who fell into pieces.

Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall,

Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.

All the king’s horses.

And all the king’s men,

Couldn’t put Humpty together again.

Once upon a time, angels and demons lived on Earth. But because of the demons’ bad deeds, the angels created a wall that only God could scale and measure how long and how wide. The demons were outraged by this because the angels’ side was the Garden of Eden, while theirs was the Jurassic Park. Until, they met a caveman who could understand temptation. He’s the one who invented the sword using giant animal fangs. The demons told him about the pleasures of Eden and showed the Wall. The caveman was so tempted that he began to climb the wall.

 

“Way to go, Einstein!” a sarcastic remark. The demons were amused by this idiotic attempt. Instead of planning how to destroy the wall, the demons spent their time watching the caveman fail and fall every day. At last, the caveman started to climb the wall for the 777th time. After hours of strenuous climbing and almost falling down again, the caveman did what no man could ever ever do – conquer the Wall of Eden. Breathing the thin air, he could see everything in all the edges of the flat world. Below in the Garden of Eden, Angel Michael saw the stranger over the wall.

 

Since, the sword weren’t introduced to the angels yet, the only weapon he could have was an egg. I mean, it stings your eyes, right? The other angels soon accompany him in throwing thousands of eggs over the wall. The demons on the other side were the ones hit instead. But Angel Michael soon threw an egg onto the caveman’s forehead. It was a fatal shot because of the great force used in the projectile. The caveman became unconscious and fell down the wall, yet on Eden’s side. The demons cheered and the angels heard. They kept on throwing eggs and hitting the demons beyond.

 

The demons soon grew irritated, that they followed the caveman’s blueprints in making swords and other sharp stone tools. As for the caveman, it was a long fall that he soon woke up. Like all humans, he’s a genius. He took out his sword made of diamond, the most abundant mineral in his place. He thrust the sword onto the wall to slow down his fall. It made a huge cut in the wall. When he was near the ground, the caveman jumped and landed on a bush. The angels surrounded him with more eggs on their hands.

 

Suddenly, they heard the great crumbling and ran away for cover. Because of the huge cut the caveman made with his diamond sword, the demons found a weak spot and successfully destroyed the wall with the primitive stone tools. The demons then came invading the Garden. Angel Michael found the caveman’s sword of diamond, thrust it to the ground, and a huge crack appeared. The demons fell into the crack with the Wall’s enormous crumbled pieces after them. As for the caveman, the angels saw that he was crashed by a huge stone, too. “How could we ever put his bones together again?” asked Angel Michael to Angel Gabriel.

 

“I don’t know. Internet?”

Author's Note

Okay, this is the most absurd tale in the collection. It's not even horror. I based the story on my own novel, Once Upon a Time, There was Gauld. It's not in because it's a pretty long epic, 60 chapters and everything. In my novel, specifically chapter 36, a rogue named Sephron was too lazy to take the long cut to Gauld, almost equivalent to Eden. So, he climbed the Wall of Dawn instead. It was his 169th time when he succeeded. On the top, he met Humpty Dumpty, and shouted, Oh, my God! A talking giant egg! And then Spehron fell down the wall. The way he landed is just like what the caveman did here. The only difference is Sephron didn't die, and the Wall was destroyed by a giantess who appeared from a wormhole.