Winter's Claws

This is about cancer taking away my loved ones and how holidays are no longer joyful and the clinical depression I have now from September to October.

There is a never-ending Winter in my mind.

It blows cold fierce winds lapping

The blood from the deepest parts of my soul.

The wicked black branches coil around me

And turn my skin white and purple.

My soft pink lips " happy and joyful

Producing complex melodies

Have turned as red as the blood

That Winter sucks from me.

Holidays are filled with dread and saudade

As Winter howls in laughter making

Each day far colder than imaginable.

Winter’s snow piles on top of loved ones.

Taking one and one and one and reserving

A place for one.

Winter reopens gashes on my skin

Uncovering memories of snow angels

That were taken by Winter’s avarice.

Winter forms ice in my throat

Slowly suffocating me

As my tears are too cold to shed.
Winter seduces me into trouble.

Playing on depression and repressed desires

That I am not sure how to control.

Winter whispers sweet lies in my ear.

Pulling me from my path to Spring.

Winter brings strangers to inhabit

The bodies of my loved ones.

Winter drowned a snow angel in blood.

Winter seems excited when

He crunches like snow two other snow angels’ minds.

Winter changes his tactics

But the M.O. and message remain.

He burned a snow angel from the air they breathed.

Winter seems to be slowly burning another

Who I fear Winter will take as a snow angel.

Winter detaches me from a sweet summery life.

Sending Fall as a messenger " a begonia.

Loudly Fall’s breath relieves me of my senses.

I walk as a ghost to the snow angels.

Paralyzed Fall keeps me.

As Winter uses its power as a Sickle

Making me numb but feeling as

Winter makes more snow angels.

 

Author's Note

On Halloween I was told about my other aunt having lung cancer. So far I have lost my dad, my aunt, my grandfather, and now possibly my aunt, to cancer. My grandmother decompensated from dementia. I am tired of these Fall and Winter months taking away my family. As a coping skill, I wrote this.

Reviews

[John the Baptist]

The prevalence of dark imagery in this one made me feel traumatic experiences were being described by symbols. I just couldn't discern what types of experiences. Your note made everything fall into place. I hope you can pass through this time with as little pain as possible. Watch your feelings at Christmas; losses seem to be felt more acutely then.

[BenightedWhispers]

Thank you for your kind review and advice.

[dw817]

Terribly sorry your family is having such poor health. My own Dad was taken from me some years back. I dream about him constantly.

My Mother ? Lost in a fit of insanity she is completely unreachable.

So - yes, I understand your loss and can truly sympathize.

Your poem does reflect quite expertly the cold bitter cold that we feel in that loss.