Benighted

"Darkness is a misunderstood genius which gave me everything. I must show my gratitude."

The darkness envelops me like a warm blanket. The atmosphere around me cools, making me feel more alive. Most of my days feel like a dream…sometimes a nightmare. It’s strange though. Most of my nightmares feel like sweet dolce dreams to me. Does that make me weird? Probably. Does that make me insane? Perhaps. Do I care? No. The darkness makes me forget the pain of reality. I’m only in third grade. The darkness envelops me in a warm blanket. It makes me feel not so alone.

Darkness is a misunderstood genius. It makes me feel at peace with myself more than even my family can. It knows just how to soothe my pain when nothing and no one else can or will. So what if I’m alienated by others and myself? At least the pain has numbed. At least I’m not as sick as I was before. Darkness is a true friend; it gives as much as it receives.

Now I’m in my first year of high school. Darkness has still been a true friend. However, I’m not feeling as warm anymore. The level of warmth I’ve received through middle school isn’t enough anymore. The level of warmth I feel is barely getting me by. The darkness is still waiting for me, but it only gives as much as it receives. I’ve started to realize that I haven’t been as great a friend as I should. I need to give more so I won’t feel so cold and alone. I start to wear the color of Darkness and I feel warmer. It is still not enough. When my mother yells at me, I take my manicured nails and slowly claw my way up my leg. Welts of blood form and Darkness envelops me into its warm blanket. I feel very warm.

 I used to be a dancer for nine and a half years, so my body is developed and toned nicely. I gave up on dance because every recital was on my birthday. I did not want to work on my birthday.  I used to show off my nice legs in daisy dukes, but Darkness wants to be the only one to see me like that. I wear black jeans now with a black kami or long sleeved black shirt.

Now in my third year of high school, I feel very alone. Darkness is still a true friend, but I have not given more for Darkness to make me warmer. I began to get into fights, but it proved not enough for me. I began to cut myself and others. I realized that others ‘blood being shed works better than my own. Darkness loved me! Darkness wanted me to recruit and sacrifice!

I never made it to college let alone senior year in high school. Sadness is like a rope that binds your neck and your spine. It acts like a noose, slowly tightening until you can’t breathe. It snaps your fragile bones.  Sadness was close to that. I couldn’t let it do that! Darkness enveloped me in its blanket once again and I shivered.  I was about to break by the Sadness and its twin and my longtime enemy, Pain. I took my own life before anyone else could claim it. I realized after it was too late what I had done. I still did not regret it.

I understand what the Darkness truly is now, but it’s already too late. I am an honorable person and Darkness has given me too much for me to walk away now. I decline the helping Light and throw my soul into the Darkness. Even though I’m sad for leaving everyone and everything behind, I’ve never felt warmer. I am benighted by Darkness.

Author's Note

Hmm, I'd thought I'd try something different from poetry or stories. I thought I'd try my hand at theater again.