Where he went...

A poem about getting lost...only to find yourself.

When everyone seemed hell bent,

Here's where he went...

He wanted to be able to smile again,

In this maze of life,

Where even friends would drive you insane,

He needed to remember what it was like,

To love yourself,

Even in the darkest night,

All he could hear was,

"You're not as funny as them",

"There's cooler people",

"You're not good enough",

And in that, he needed to pause,

He wanted to remind himself that tears dry,

that friends come and go,

So you need to be your own ally,

He needed to look for his old self,

In the deepest and darkest,

And loneliest corners of himself,

He wanted to forget all the friendships,

The one's whose numbers you don't remember,

So he went into the darkest eclipse,

He needed to see for himself,

Who cared when he disappeared,

And it turns out, the only one there was his old self,

He felt his loneliness augment, And he felt his life descent,

Because he didn't feel good enough, his shell needed to be built tough,

That's where he went...

Author's Note

So, what do you all think?

Reviews

[emipoemi]

My only comment is that you repeat "darkest" some too many times that it becomes stale, so I would suggest some synonyms to add some flavour. Other than that, this is amazing! I loved the progression and the narrative; a lot of fantastic imagery and powerful flow. Well done! Much enjoyed! I really felt sucked into the world that this created.

[Phill Oz O'fee]

As requested – I had a look and hope you like my revamp/suggestions – I hope this version shows more depth of wordplay and encapsulates the subject matter of he/him into the first person! Only my take of an already fabulous write!

When everyone
Seemed hell BENT
Here's where he went …

He wanted to be able
To smile AGAIN
In this maze of life
Where even friends sent him insane

He needed to remember
What it was like
To LOVE his inner self
Even on the darkest of nights

All he could hear was,
"You're not as funny as others"
"There are cooler people around"
"You're not good enough",
But then, he needed to PAUSE

He needed to remind himself
That tears dry
FRIENDS come and go,
So he needed to be his own ally

He needed to look
For his old SELF
In the deepest and darkest
Loneliest corners of himself,

He wanted to forget
All past friendships,
The one's whose NUMBERS
You don't remember

So he went into the darkest eclipse
He needed to see for himself
No one cared if he DISAPPEARED
Turns out, the only one there was his old self

He felt his loneliness augment
And he felt his life DECENT
Because he didn't feel good enough
His shell needed to be built tough

And … that's where he went …

[Wild Rose]

Early in life I didn't make friends easy > we often moved on
Got a bike and went cycling > too hard my mates said
Travel around the UK staying at the YHA
There I met people > We all just passed on
We swapped addresses > No mobiles then
Still friends far away - the cards no get less
I have my lifes partner
Friends pass on
She stays regardless > together that's all we need
Each other

Read my poem Something inside me