Tell Me

Tell me, friend,

when you look up to the heavens,

what do you see?
Do you see the loved and lost,

or the promise of salvation?
Or do you simply see the stars,

turned out in all their splendour?

Tell me, brother,

when your thoughts are free to roam,

what do you wonder?
Do you wonder how we came to be,

or how we will come to leave?

Or do you simply see the now,

unburdened by forever?

Tell me, dear,

when you're walking through our home,

what do you wish?
Do you wish for someplace bigger,

or someplace with a view?

Or do you simply see the joy

destined for us, together?

Reviews

[Tinman07]

I like this and can relate to it in some ways...
Friend and brother, they get the meaning of life questions we blokes ask over a pint (often the 5th or 6th).

Whereas 'Dear' (or my beloved anyway) doesn't really do the philosophical stuff.

I like it.

[barleygirl]

To me, this seems to subtly admonish those who see life as in the first two possibilities of every stanza, whereas the final viewpoint in each stanza is seemingly judged as the best way. I agree with you in the conclusion of each stanza, but the first parts of each stanza feel less than genuine to me. When you open each stanza with: "tell me dear/brother/friend" . . . this seems inviting on the surface, but upon further reading, I don't feel a tone of friendliness or brotherhood, so the opening comes off as sounding a teensy bit sarcastic. It's kinda like: If you agree with my viewpoint, then we'll live happily ever after. This is how many people view life, so you've nailed it as far as presenting a realistic point of view.

[Ben Barton]

Hey, thanks for taking the time to write a review! It's much appreciated.

This wasn't intended to admonish, or to present one viewpoint as superior to another. The voice in the poem was, in my head at least, genuinely enquiring, trying to understand how the people closest to him/her think.

Thanks again for your thoughts, and the review! :)

[Caddy]

Love the two views you give the reader, and how the questions seem to get more intimate when presented to each relation. Almost sad in a way, knowing that people just see something at face-value and never looking beyond, into a greater meaning.
Then again I could be reading too much into it. lol
Well done.

[Ben Barton]

Thanks for the review, Caddy! That's a really cool interpretation. I was trying to pose both sides of things in a positive way; the deep thinkers and big picture-people, but also the people who look at things in a much more simple way. Thanks for your thoughts, and the review! :)

[Rhia Barton]

Stop being better than me T_T

[Ben Barton]

Um excuse me I read Sand Through My Fingers it was insane it blew my mind you can write some hella tight s**t don't doubt it

[Rhia Barton]

Yah but dis s**t is rad as hell m8 like something i'd read at school or something wtf man

[Ben Barton]

Don't you wtf me I will wtf you right back cause guess what I also read Santa Isn't Real and Mama and Time Doesn't Heal and let me tell you those were rad as hell and Hades and all the other underworlds you could use as a qualifier like W T F MAN

[Rhia Barton]

BRUH YOu MAKE ME FEEL BAD CAUSE I HAVEN'T HAD THE CHANCE TO READ YOUR AWESOME STUFF YET STAHP

[Ben Barton]

I DON'T KNOW WHAT WE'RE YELLING ABOOOOUUUUT

[Rhia Barton]

LOUD. NOISEEEEES.

[Usman Muhammad]

Hello everybody i am new to this group. I submitted my story "We The Lost Ones" in this group. I hope you will read it and give me your reviews. Waiting impatiently for your response