Should I?

A Poem by A. Kim Spradling

Ohhhhh,, I think I SHOULD!!!

At last I found you!

I’ve waited for so long!

So, how do I persuade you,

It’s with me that you belong?

Should I leave a trail of bread crumbs

Down my ancient dusty road?

Have you followed them casually?

Have your weary legs slowed?

Should I send for you a taxi?

Is it my address that you have lost?

I’m afraid at this long distance,

You'd have an astronomic cost!

Should I contact the police?

Have you brought to me in chains?

Not the best idea ever,

It might cause you great pains.

Should I hire a sultry model

Who will lure you to my house?

Or, will she want you for her own,

Then have you become her spouse?

So, I guess I will just sit here waiting!

I feel sure you will not be late.

But just in case I need some help,

I will use a worm for bait!

© 2018 A. Kim Spradling

My Review

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Reviews

θεά

Strong use of monologues. In form of accusatory questions which are climaxed in sharp derision which is in contrast to what seems a more woeful, pleading urge for one's love to return.

Posted 6 Years Ago

6 Years Ago

Thank you for your review Mallika! I have not been here in a while and just got to some of my respo.. read more

Gee

A little humour to start the day y with a smile.....Thank you

Posted 6 Years Ago

6 Years Ago

Thank you, Gee! It is always good to make you smile!! Thank you for stopping by...

wordman

just call,he will come at your beckon call

Posted 6 Years Ago

View 1 more reply

6 Years Ago

if it`s meant to be it will happen

6 Years Ago

Yes, I fully agree!!!

6 Years Ago

and for you i hope it comes soon

The Iron Horseman

Love it! I love the humour, the irony and the sincerity concealed by the whimsy. I am sitting here smiling, so it must be good!

Posted 6 Years Ago

6 Years Ago

So, Iron, you do not smile much??? If I made you smile, I have accomplished my mission!!! BTW, I t.. read more

6 Years Ago

No, I smile a lot. I am doing it right now! :)
And yes, I know, that was quite deliberate, my.. read more

sette

i like the poem, it has a funny angle, especially the part where it is like in hansel and gretel with the bread crumbs. sometimes love is meant to be a sacrifice. forget pride and ego.. the most important thing is you are happy that you are loving someone.

Posted 6 Years Ago

6 Years Ago

Thank you, sette!! I appreciate your reviews. Being able to love at all is such a great gift. I r.. read more

6 Years Ago

good for you. keep it up and enjoy

Ghost

I like the little comedy to some of your lines.. Overall I thought it was a good write and it seemed like you had fun with it.. Thanks for sharing

Posted 6 Years Ago

6 Years Ago

I had a great time with this piece. I am glad you enjoyed it. I hope that it brought a smile.

emipoemi

ok.....me likey the story here! It has a fun and witty vibe to it that gives it a cool Silverstein meets Roald Dahl ring to it, so you got something going on that level. I think it's a little "cheeky" for the children's market, but it doesn't mean the adults can have a little laugh ;P.
The only place where this falls flat is the musicality (only in a couple of places, which I'll point out): Stanza 2 Lines 3 + 4 are wonky compared to the flow of the first half; "You'd have an astronomic cost" (unless you change "astronomic, which I doubt you do); change "great" to a disyllabic synonym for better flow, and add "have" to Stanza 5 Line 4 ("and then have you become her spouse"; and finally "so I guess I'll sit here waiting".

Musicality is really what carries the poem along, and if it gets wonky or even wordy, it's noticeable. careful. The second half of the stanza should reflect the first (but not all subsequent stanzas need follow the same formula. the poet may modulate, to use a musical term, simply modulate the stanza as a whole not half....it doesn't work). Feel the flow - that's what makes great poetry ;) Well done! Much enjoyed.