Windy

The air is breezy and 

 blisteringly cold,

 The wind chill is high, 

 The temperature is so bold. 

 The trees are swaying in the wind,

 It's cold outside and its time to go in,

 The winds are cold the day is Chilly,

 It's so cold outside just call me Chilly Willy.

 The Sun is out which is such a thrill, but

 The Winds are crisp and

 it's bringing us the chills,

 In lieu of a cold and windy day,

 I'll trade it for Sunshine to warm me today!!

 The wind is cold but that's alright,

 A nice warm comforter will bring me

 delight!!! 

 B.R.

Date: 11/8/2024

Reviews

[JayG]

You may want to read the excerpt from Stephen Fry's, The Ode Less Traveled, on Amazon. He has lots to say about prosody that you need. At the moment you're all over the place, and there's no stanza-to-stanza consistency, so far as number of feet.

And you're bending the line to the needs of the rhyme, which detracts because it's obvious to the reader. But the rhyming word should be the perfect one to fit the thought.
With "The temperature is so bold." I have to ask, how in the pluperfect hells can a number be "bold?"

And " It's so cold outside just call me Chilly Willy." Seriously? The speaker hasn't the sense to wear proper clothing, so you can have a rhyme?

My favorite example of how metrical poetry can avoid forcing the rhyme is the lyric to the song, "The Twelfth of Never," released in 1957. Look at the opening:
- - - - -
You ask how much I need you, must I explain?
I need you, oh my darling, like roses need rain.
You ask how long I'll love you; I'll tell you true:
Until the twelfth of never, I'll still be loving you.
- - - - -
Notice the clever trick played on the reader: The speaker is replying to a question the reader supposedly asked, placing that reader INTO the poem, as the beloved who has asked that question. And since the question is one we might ask of someone who loves us, the answer is inherently interesting (especially since, if it’s a good answer we might use it).

So with “You ask,” and without realizing why, the reader is emotionally involved. To me, that’s brilliant writing, because this line makes the rest of the poem meaningful to the reader.

In response to the question of how long their commitment will last, the speaker dismisses it as supposedly obvious. Yet it’s a critical question, so the seeming disconnect again draws the reader in, with the unspoken comment of, "Well yes, you absolutely must tell me, because I need to know." So, given the attitude placed into the reader with that thought, we WANT to hear the response, and it feels as if it's directed at us. And that is a HUGE hook. Right?

The response is 100% allegorical. It says, in effect, “I can’t live without you,” but does it in a pretty, and interesting way.

The question/answer sequence then continues with a clever twist, Love will end, but on a date that’s an impossibility.

It’s 100% emotion-based writing. It calls up context that already exists in the reader/listener’s mind. But even had they never heard the expression “like roses need rain,” it would be instantly meaningful.

It’s part of a song, but this first verse, for me, is a perfect example of emotion-based poetry.

Let's take it one step further, and look at the FLOW. It's metrical poetry, so it rhymes. But notice that the rhymes aren't the obvious Moon/June type, and the words fit the thought so well that the rhyme seems incidental, an accent rather than a drumbeat. And each line has the same cadence: seven beats per line that the reader, or singer, will fall into, enhancing the experience.

Make sense?


Aside from the great lyrics, it’s a pretty song. The most popular version of it, recorded by Johnny Mathis in 1958 is here:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2PnPnSjCUnc- - - - - - -