My Truth

Sometimes I feel like I have this misunderstanding. We always hear people say this or that person is depressed or has anxiety. who cuts or hurts themselves in some way, but for some reason we all seem to think that for everyone those words have the same meaning that those feelings are mutual. 

Here's what they mean to me...

Anxiety is when I will walk and time just seems to slow down, as if I am on fast forward but everything else is on pause. Anxiety is the endless headaches because my brain hasn't stopped questioning everyone's motives and thoughts or my lungs hurting from the hyperventilating because I can't relax. Anxiety is the constant what ifs that drain my self esteem to the bare minimum.

Depression is when my body feels like a medicine ball, it should be easy to throw but it is too weighted down. Depression is the numbness from my fingertips to my toes in the morning and you just lie there there feeling the blood run slowly threw your veins and hearing your heart pound in your chest like you've just ran a marathon. Depression is knowing you have things to do but you've lost all the energy and motivation to do them. It's feeling unable to move almost paralyzed. Depression is looking forward to crying because the numbness that comes afterwards is relaxing and helps to sleep but unfortunately there are no tears to shed. 

Self harm is feeling the burns and pains and knowing that it'll be temporarily fix. Self harm was never a means to hurt someone else but the means to release the pressure from within ourselves. Self harm was the ability to feel something other than nothing at all. It was the justification that I needed to live. 

All of these combined you might call a person an attention seeker for any one of these things but really this is how we are keeping our heads straight forward, on our shoulders, and above the water. This was never about you and never will be, this has and will only ever be about me.