When Arthur Met God

One day, God was in his kitchen, waiting for him.

It was a normal day when Arthur first woke up. He thought the same things he always did, and he had the same routines he always had. Shave, wash, brush (teeth). Always the same, not very complicated. However this morning something was different. A man was waiting for him in the doorway to the kitchen (after the first part of the morning routine he needed to get through the rest of it, which was to make lunch for work), and by the looks of him, Arthur wasn’t going to enjoy having his routine messed with.

“Arthur, I unfortunately need to talk to you,” the man said, his tone even and gentle. It did indeed sound as if it was unfortunate that he was there talking to Arthur. The man was dressed in nothing but white, and it didn’t go too well with his brown locks. Unfortunately for the man, he wasn’t exactly entitled to choose his own clothes.

“Can I ask who you are first?” Arthur asked perplexed. What he really wanted wasn’t to know who the man was, but to get on with his morning routine. He was very precise with doing the same thing every morning, no matter how boring it really was.

The man stepped aside and let Arthur enter the kitchen. But instead of letting Arthur walk to the refrigerator, he steered him towards one of the kitchen chairs. “Sit,” he ordered Arthur. Normally Arthur probably would’ve refused, but as this no longer was a normal day, he figured why not. The man took a seat across from Arthur and gave him a wide smile, showing off his white teeth �" they didn’t go well with the suit either.

“I am God,” the man �" God �" spoke. It only took Arthur two seconds to go from annoyed (because he had been interrupted so early in the morning) to more annoyed (not only had he been interrupted, but he had been interrupted by a maniac).

“Ah, well, of course you are. I’m Santa Claus.” Arthur chuckled at his own joke. God didn’t raise an eyebrow �" or make a movement at all for that matter.

“Let me prove it to you.”



It only took twenty minutes for God to convince Arthur that he was, in fact, God.

Back in the kitchen (they had been far, far away for a bit) Arthur had to sit down in order to stop himself from passing out. He dabbed his forehead with the sleeve of his pajama top. God waited patiently; after all he knew it could be stressful for people to meet God. Which is ironic really, because after all doesn’t all religious people who believe in God want to meet him? But when they are, they get nervous, start sweating and seem to forget how to form coherent sentences. Why this is ironic, is because if you’ve been dreaming about something your whole life and also wished for it �" shouldn’t you be prepared, just in case? Clearly not.

Anyway, after about ten minutes of Arthur just staring straight ahead, God let out a cough to catch his attention. Startled, Arthur let out a choked cry. But he did turn his attention back to God.

“So, God,” Arthur said it warily and carefully, “what brings you here?” It was a good question. After all Arthur wasn’t exactly someone of importance. He had a mediocre job, a mediocre salary, mediocre friends, and he lived in a mediocre town. Across from him, God shrugged once.

“Well kid, I don’t know what to tell you,” he said.


That’s how it went down, the day that Arthur met God. Nothing was again like it had been before, but after all, his morning routine had been complicated by God, and clearly that stirs things up a bit. We don’t need to know why God came to Arthur that day, because after all:

God works in mysterious ways.


Curious about what happened next? Well kid, I don’t know what to tell you.

Reviews

[Emma Woodhouse]

This is funny! I mean, not in a joking away, 'cause the subject is wonderful, as is the writing.

I'm afraid to say I would most likely act the same way if someone told me they were God. It would freak me out, and like the story said, which is ironic.

Wonderful piece. :)