Brothers At War

It's a God forsaken land, and no one is there to save them.

It’s raining. It should bother me, but it doesn’t anymore. You get used to it, because it rains so often here. Or maybe that’s all in my head. Rain just seems like such a small issue at this time. There’s more to worry about. Will I survive the night? Will I ever go home? Will this ever end? Or will I be dead and gone tomorrow, left in the mud, without even a second glance?

I’m not of importance, I have no stripes or stars, no one listens to me. I’m at the bottom; I’m the one who must obey orders from whoever gives them. I can complain as much as I want, but nothing will change, and my words will only fall on deaf ears. I’m as important as a cockroach on the floor. My words speak to no one.

Here I am, in the daylight that is slowly giving way for the dark of the night. A single mistake from me, and my whole group could end up dead. During my first week here, another rookie accidentally fired his weapon when we were crawling through the ditches of this God forsaken country. He gave away our position to the enemy faster than if he’d stood up and screamed “here we are!” while waving his arms around like a broken windmill. That f*****g mistake cost us five men.

Boss has since then reminded us every day to be careful. Not a sound. Not a movement. Not even a breath, unless he gives permission. That poor rookie got a handful of rage from us all. Maybe we have no right to judge him, since the mistake could have come from anyone of us “newbies”, but it was hard not to. Maybe we partly judged him because we were so scared the mistake would come from us the next time, and that we’d be the cause for the death of a comrade.

“Brothers” we call ourselves. Because no matter how different our ranks are, we always have each other’s backs. Even when those who have been here longer make fun of us, they call us their brothers. We are their brothers, because here there’s nothing we wouldn’t do for each other. “No one gets left behind,” is what Boss always tells us. He means it. Even if it would mean the death of the whole squad, no one gets left behind when they can be saved.


We stop for the night, before it gets too dark. I get the first watch, and I know better than to sit too still. I make sure to always shift even the slightest every ten minutes or so. If I fall asleep, the enemy could crawl down to our hiding place and slit our throats before we’d even wake up. I could never let that happen, not to my brothers or to Boss. I respect him, because he’s honest. He’s strong, clever and loyal. He wants this war to end, just as much as the rest of us, but he’s realistic. He knows it may be years, before we find peace again. The new soldiers are all hopeful. They chatter about the end of the war, as if we could expect it any way now. Boss shoots them down, not to crush their hope but to catch their attention. He needs their attention always, and he needs their respect.

He has had my respect since the first time he met my eyes with his grey ones. With all his scars and with his gray hair, it’s easy for him to look intimidating. But it’s surprising how easily his face can change into a smile that would make our hearts melt if we were middle-aged women. He’s never had a go at me, because I learned the rules of war fast. Stay low, stay sharp, stay alive. Simple enough, but some have the hardest time not sticking their head up from the safety of our trench. Of course their punishment is instant; a bullet and the end of their life.

At times, when Boss has a moment, he asks us about our lives before the war. He wants to know whether it was our choice to come here and if we regret it. I can only guess, but I think he sometimes regrets coming to war. Some have said that they wish they’d never come, but it’s too late for regrets once you’ve been shipped here. I used to wish I was at home with my family, holding the hand of my elderly mother as she tells me and my brother’s of her past adventures. But now I have new brothers, and it’s too late to look back.

The only time Boss really loses his temper, is when someone slips up and gets a brother killed, or when we find the corpses of other squads in the wilderness. Two days ago, we came to the location where we were supposed to meet up with Group B. They never showed, and three hours later we found out why; they had been butchered in their sleep �" most likely due to a rookie falling asleep on his post.

This is why I can never fall asleep, because it’s not just my neck on the line, but the lives of others are at stake too.


My shift is over sooner than you’d think, because time actually flies by some days. Not always, sometimes we can lie wet, hungry and cold in a ditch for only an hour and yet it feels as if we’ve been there for an eternity. But occasionally time will move so fast I’m not sure where it went. At times I wonder if I accidentally fell asleep, but I know I didn’t, I take care not to.

Wilson is the next man after me, to keep his eyes open for the b******s that are killing our people. He is my only friend here, among my brothers. I trust them all with my life, but Wilson I trust with my death. We’ve made a promise to each other. If the other is ever on the verge of death, beyond help, we will do the deed ourselves. “Cruel” some may think, but to us it’s what makes our bond special. I know that I would rather die fast, than to lie on the ground and feel my life slowly slip away from me. And as much as I love my brothers of war, I can’t trust them to finish my life if it came to that. I know Boss wouldn’t, he would claim that I was going to be okay, even as my heart stopped beating.

“Change,” is all Wilson says as he takes my place. Nothing more needs to be said, we both know what he means. I move out of his way, getting up from the warm spot where I’ve been sitting, ready to lie down in the dirt to try and catch even a hint of sleep. But sleep comes easy, even through the fear and the cold, sleep comes easy. I know I have to sleep, Boss taught me that my first week here. If you don’t sleep when you can, you may fall asleep when you’re on lookout duty �" and that may get us all killed. And it doesn’t take long before sleep finds me, even though I’m wet, cold, hungry and scared.



I wake up too late, and I know this is the end. Wilson fell asleep, and now we must all pay. Our lives are over, in the blink of an eye. How I wish I could’ve held my mother’s hand one more time.