Silent Relief

A story about this past year.

I want to share a true story that I think will help me get over what just happened. Now, let me be clear, I have always been a christian, always. I love God and I still do.
 But never was I expecting J to come into my life.
 In the beginning of the school year, September, I had made some friends, and they were amazing, and they still are. So, we were still trying to figure out our classes and everything, and I was waiting in line to go into class, when this girl came up to me.
 "Hi, I'm J," she said.
 "Hi," I replied. Why was she talking to me? No one ever just comes up and talks to me! That's how much of a nerd I was.
 "Usually when I come up to people we become friends," she continued.
 "Really," I replied, though I didn't really believe her.
 The teacher assigned us to sit together. How funny is that? I couldn't believe my luck! It wasn't that I didn't like her, I did, but I just didn't like meeting new people. It made me feel....scared. I avoided her eyes for a while, and we talked and became just friends.
 So, after the first nine weeks we were just hanging out in school. She never showed me any signs of depression or sadness, just that she was happy, but I suppose I didn't notice the dark circles around her eyes from lack of sleep.
 Then we switched to a class where we just walked, all the time. It was actually sort of fun, just walking laps and talking for fourty minutes.
 One day J was just so angry, walking by herself and not talking to anybody. I tried to go and talk to her, but she just ignored me. I didn't know what it was.
 The next day, in that same class, she told me it was because of a class. During that time, that's the only time I really knew that she was upset. Now this girl would act really perverted and cuss a lot, and talk about inappropriate things, but it wasn't so bad.
 I invited her over to spend the night twice. One time it was sort of fun, and the other she just burst out crying on my bed and told me she sometimes had thoughts of suicide. I told her to pray and that I would pray with her. And I did. She didn't have much experience with God, and her parents didn't know that she was a Christian, as they didn't believe in it.
 And I did know this, but I guess I didn't know how much it hurt her. Or how much it would hurt me.
 One day I walked into that class, the one where you just walked laps around, and saw marks on her arm.
 She caught me looking. "My ferret," she said. "I scratched me."
 "Oh," I said, but I didn't know if that was true or not. She became more agitated that same day, and cut herself off from the world, as far as I know.
  I started to feel boxed in myself, and scared, of what? I don't know? But I felt like I needed pain to know that I would never feel special again, so I cut myself for one night (and one night only.) and felt so terrible afterwards that I told my mother. That was on Spring Break. She told my dad, which, they are divorced and I live with my grandmother, and I got so mad at her. But I'm better now, and I feel so much more free.
 Then J told me that she cut herself but she was getting better. She said she had did it for 2 weeks and made me swear not to tell anybody.
 I didn't, which is what I regret. Because I got so scared for her I couldn't take my mind off of it. I guess were such good friends that she thought that she could tell me anything.
 I tried to put it out of mind, thinking that she was done and that I if I told someone she'd never get over it, and I mean, I wouldn't want someone to do that to me, right?
 But then things started heat up.
 A month later she was so angry in that walking class I was scared to go and talk to her, but I did anyways. We shouted a bit.
 "Just leave me alone!"
 "J, tell me what's wrong!" I protested.
 "Sarabelle, I mean it!"
 She told me she was thinking of cutting again. That made me freak out, and after that class I knew I had to tell. I knew I had to do something, even if she made me swear that I wouldn't say anything to anyone. So, the next class, which was math, I wasn't even paying attention. I wrote a very long note explaining everything to the guidence counselor.
 After that class, I had it in my hand, and had meant to give it to her during lunch, but she was walking down the hall and I gave it to her then.
 She walked away reading it, and then the next class, which was science, made me even more nervous as my feelings were at war with itself.
 During lunch was when I literally broke down crying in front of my friends. J wasn't at lunch!
 "Where is J," I asked one of her friends who usually sat at the table.
 "Oh, she got called up to the office during 3rd class," they had replied.
 I couldn't eat after that.
 That night we had a band concert, and she started yelling at me then, too. Calling me names and telling me that she wanted to cut now because of me.
 The next day, I purposefully avoided her, but she found me.
 "We need to talk," she said in the sternest tone.
 "Uh, we have to get to class," I tell her with a sharp intake of breath.
 "I don't care."
 She dragged me to the bathroom, and I leaned against the wall, as she stood in front of me.
 "You swore!" Her voice was like venom seeping into my soul.
 "You were going to cut yourself!" I snapped back. "What was I supposed to do?"
 She glared a malevolent glare at me. "I had to go to a mental health facility because of you!"
 And with that she started calling me every name in the book, I ran to class, (the walking one) and she yelled at me some more.
 She must have told people what I did, because kids were coming up to me and saying things like "You signed J up for a mental health facility."
 I ran to the bathroom and started crying. I was so upset and just wanted God to hold me and for him to do something.
 Well, we both talked to the guidance counselor and became friends again. But distant....She cussed a lot more, and acted more perverted than ever. And so I began to act like her, but then I became scared of myself and her. I had to find a way to get her to stop talking to me, because I thought that you couldn't just go up to somebody and say, "I'm scared of you."
 So one day, everything sort of just exploded out of me. "I don't care, alright?" I had said when she was talking about her crush. I know it was mean--and we didn't talk since, until this past week, where we sort of just talked about it.
 I asked her why she cut, and she said it was because she "Sees" things, like demons and faces that want to kill her and she thought she was going insane.
 "But my parents know, and thanks to you, I'm so much better. I can actually go to church now because my parents know I'm christian, and I can talk to them."
 "Well, I think we should keep our distance from each other," I reply. "Just for now."
 "I agree."
 And so then I realized that God put me in J's life, it was to help her, even though I thought I was broken, that I thought she was broken, God held me the whole time. And I just break down crying every time I think about it.
 God gave me relief.
 Silent Relief.

Reviews

[~*~Peace Keeper~*~]

A lot of times it is hard to do the right thing, but God is with us to help us through and give us courage to do what He wants us to do. Sometimes we need to act when there is a strong urge to do something (when we know it's from God) because we don't know how important it really is to that person. This is a nice story, and even though you guys went through tough times God can renew both of you into something new.

Good Job

[♔ CrownedDevil &#..]

This was a very remarkable story. And brilliantly written.

[Dannyisawriter]

That was a truly amazing story.

[The Revisionist]

That was remarkable. Both the story and you, amazing.

[A. Amos]

I was lost into your words and your story telling my friend was spot on, this was really good read.