Drowning

Water swirls around me sickeningly.

Gulping mouthfuls of salty liquid, I kick free my heavy sneakers and try to swim to the surface, only to plummet metres more, falling downwards.

I'm sinking, sinking, sinking.

The burning in my lungs and stomach are fierce and excruciating, eating away at my precious energy, eroding my will to break free.

I'm going to die, going to die.

It's getting darker as the storm-fueled sea gushes around me, muffling my screams and tossing me about as if I were nothing but a rag-doll.

Lord, please... please help me.

And as if he hears my silent plea, a rush of water pushes me up, and suddenly I can see the black sky and grey ocean, feel the cool air upon my face.

Air, I need air!

I try desperately to breathe, but water is pouring from my mouth and nose, it won't let me suck a breath of clean, pure air.

No... no...

I sink back into the darkness of a watery grave.

Author's Note

Tee hee hee

Reviews

[13.9]

Wow. ^^ I definitely agree with Havatara and Kathleen; it's very well written, and the change to "sinking" slows it down a bit, and gives it more of an impression of drowning than the word "falling" does. (Although personally, I actually kinda think that may detract from the panic you're conveying in the following line. Maybe a repetition of the word "down" would work out better. As in: I'm sinking down, down, down. >< I don't know.) Otherwise, I truly do like this poem, and the description is fantastic. ^^ Nice job.

[Havatara]

I love it. It was a very descriptive poem, but I would have maybe liked a few more sensory details if possible, and I agree with Kathleen. Falling makes it sound kinda like (s)he is falling off a cliff instead of drowning. But other than that, I thought it was extremely well written. I can't wait to read more of your work!!

[Kathleen]

I like it!! Very descriptive--I'm very interested about what is to come...my only suggestion is maybe change falling--feels like there could be a better word--like what about sinking? Other than that great job!! :)