The Sinner

Freya Adamson is being trialled for murder in the Medival Ages. However, no one forsees the events that happen in her trial. *New Version*

Freya knelt before the Statue of St. Claire, her breathing haggard and uneven. Tears escaped her tightly closed eyes. She clasped her hands in prayer, and began to mutter under her breath. Reverend Burksmarth looked down at her with eyes of fire, his mouth twisted into a snarl of fury and triumph.

"Well then," he whispered, "Have you finished your... er... plea to the Lord for mercy?"

Saying nothing, Freya stood and looked upon Reverend Burksmarth with a hatred so strong the head of the small Church cleared his throat and coughed akwardly. With another burst of malice, he said loudly to the large oak doors of the church "Come in."

A flurry of clothing, a whisper of shoes against the stone floor, and a dozen men entered, all wearing black cloaks and holding a book. Freya looked at the leather spines, reading the titles. A Look into Witchcraft one stated. Murderers Revealed another said. The one that scared Freya the most was the one that said A Guide to Execution.

"These men," said Reverend Burksmarth after a pause, "Are here to listen to what I have to say about the crime commited not ten days ago. They are also here to listen to your plea, your... evidence on that fateful night. Freya Adamson, your trial has come. Sit in the chair up the front, please... shall I bind you, Miss Adamson?"

"No!" Freya screamed, gasping at the thought of being trussed up like a pig waiting for slaughter.

"Do not fear me," instructed Reverend Burksmarth coldly, "I am here as the victims and witnesses of the attack - I am their spokesman. I am not the enemy."

"Then who will make the desision if I am to be hung?" Freya cried, her eyes seeping yet more tears.

The doors opened, and the tall shadow said "I will."

James Smith strode down the isle, his face unreadable. He looked directly at the silent Jury, then at Reverend Burksmarth. With a last glance at Freya's tear-stained face, he settled himself in a straight-backed wooden chair by the pew.

"Sit in the chair Miss Adamson," James Smith said colourlessly. Freya obeyed, trembling with fear. Once she was seated, he said "Tie her wrists to the arms of the chair, but not you Reverend," he added, "But my good friend Harry Goldsmith. Harry, you have the ropes?" Harry nodded feverishly, and then approached Freya, gently but firmly tying her to the chair. Freya looked at the floor, her exspression painfully blank.

"On a cold Winter's night in January," began James Smith, "A man was found dead in his home. The man was a father of three, a husband and an only son, and his name was Hugo Adamson. His daughter, Freya Adamson, is aquitted of the crime, and, if found guilty, she shall be hanged. If found to be both guilty of murder and witchcraft, as the deed may have been committed under those curcumstances, she shall be tortured to  death... in various ways. Reverend Jack Burksmarth, you may begin."

And so the trial began. Reverend Burksmarth spoke earnestly, re-telling the stories of family, friends and neighbours who had a part in the night. Throughout, the Jury took notes, whispered to eachother and cast looks upon Freya - but she had her face hidden in shadow, a snarl of anguish the only feature to be seen. Then, with a final sigh of sadness, Reverend Burksmarth nodded and said "I am finished here, Mr Smith."

"Freya," said James Smith, and his voice was soft, words carefully chosen, "Freya Adamson, you may speak."

She looked up at the Jury, and said slowly "Friday was when Mother always went out for her knitting lesson, leaving me, Charlotte, Jane and Father. Father was upstairs in the attic, fixing the roof. I went up with a drink for him, it seemed like such hard work." The words were rushing forth now, and so were the tears. "He looked over at me, and took a step forth - he tripped and landed on a sharp axe, I pulled it out of him, but he still died. It was an accident. I came down covered in blood and Jane screamed and fainted and Charlotte went upstairs and saw the body herself. And she thought I had killed him. She did. She did. She did..."

"Freya," James Smith said worriedly, "Freya!"

Freya's head jerked and she breathed in... and stopped.

Leaping from the seat, James Smith rushed to Freya, untying her and lying her on the floor gently. Freya began to breathe again.

James Smith looked up at Reverend Burksmarth, who tried to hide the bow and arrow behind him. The members of the Jury gasped - then three of them sprinted to Reverend Burksmarth and tackled him to the ground.

James Smith stood and went to stand next to the Reverend, who looked pleadingly him. James glanced at Freya, with the arrow still lodged in her side.

"Not guilty," James Smith said loudly.

Author's Note

If there are any spelling mistakes, I'm sorry, and I hope it is not too confusing.
*New Version* I changed all the bits that were a bit pointless and hope it's much better.

Reviews

[Céce]

Oh man. I was not expecting that! Wow, I really liked it, especially the last part. It's always good to add a twist, and I seem to have problems with those (so I'm jealous, lol.)

However, I think it could be expanded on. You know the three-act structure? Beginning, middle, end? Well, this had a faint shadow of that structure, but the ending was not strong enough, in my opinion. Maybe it would be good to imagine it in that three-act structure.

Beginning: introduce the conflict
Middle: complicate the conflict
End: resolve the conflict

But anyway, enough about that. I really liked this as well as your clear writing style. :D Hope to read more soon!

Ceci

[Taylor H.]

the head of the small Church cleared his throat and coughed akwardly. ----awkwardly.

a pause, "Are here to listen to what I have to say about the crime commited not ten days ----committed

Sit in the chair up the front, please... shall I bind you, Miss Adamson?"---front;

"Then who will make the desision if I am to be hung?" ----decision

James Smith strode down the isle, his face unreadable. ---aisle

"Sit in the chair Miss Adamson," James Smith said colourlessly. ---colorlessly

Freya looked at the floor, her exspression painfully blank.----expression

"On a cold Winter's night in January," began James Smith, "A man was found dead in his home. ----winter's

His daughter, Freya Adamson, is aquitted of ----acquitted



witchcraft, as the deed may have been committed under those curcumstances, she ----circumstances

committed under those curcumstances, she shall be tortured to death... ---too many spaces before death

Reverend Burksmarth spoke earnestly, re-telling the stories of family, friends and neighbours who had a part in the night. ----neighbors

Throughout, the Jury took notes, whispered to eachother and cast looks upon Freya - but she ----each other

Burksmarth nodded and said "I am finished here, Mr Smith."----Mr.

I went up with a drink for him, it seemed like such hard work." ---him;

Freya, untying her and lying her on the floor gently. ---laying

other than that this is a great story. I really enjoyed reading it.

[mischeif]

I've read this so manytimes and I still love it. Thbow and arrow gives it a new twist.
You eally should enter this in the contest

[hippityhoppitybippitybo..]

I think you are a good writer so you should make your stories longer :D (unless of course you already do for certain ones/although I don't find this style of writing interesting, I can definitely see why other people like it) Also, I'm kinda new here so I was wondering if maybe you could review my stuff or something ;D And I just noticed that this is pretty old XD

[Michael X]

tragedy on top of tragedy, this is an amazing story the reader has to enjoy,
great diction works very well written, i found the subject and vivid dramtic
play to work amazingly well, enough to say your talent is shining through,
particularly with character, drama and the title, the sinner, says volumes,

it really takes the reader to another place and time, one of the more
entertaining stories i've read in a very long time, three things stand out,
it's creepy, the plot is heavy, and the theme is nicely laid out
awsome job on this bella-marie, keep it up

[Dawn Jones]

Suggestions:
1. If she is kneeling in supplication that she would 'look up to' not upon which suggests they are standing either at the same level or she is looking down on him.
2. There was no silence between them if he spoke to her about being a murderer.
3. The 'sudden burst of malice' should simply be 'with another or (simply) a burst of'.
4. You don't need the word spine after the second book title because we already know she is looking at the spines of the books.
5. His speech about how she is too be tried is too long and cliche`... I would consider revising it... too many bad guys monologue too much.
6. 'poker straight is cliche`.. find another expresion.
7. My biggest suggestion is to re-read the whole thing a couple of times and it should inspire more and different ways to alter and elaborate the informatin. Remember, less is more... so cut all un-needed words. Cut as much as you can.

This is really good and you have a lot of potential as a writer. It's all about practice, patience, reading EVERYTHING you can get your hands on and learning from those who are experienced... we are all always learning. Writing is a never ending journey. Keep writing ;) and love what you do.

[Livana Lowell]

Oh, I get it! I had to read the ending a second time, but yeah, I liked it.

However, the first sentence probably could be revised seeing how it's so unneccesarily long.

And this line "tears springing to them." That should also be revised seeing how "springing to them" kind of confused me.

The story could've been lengthened for more entertainment, but I like it nonetheless.

I don't normally read stories, so good job.

[GuineaPig]

wow i like the twist at the end! a great read! maybe even add a little more description to the characters/setting, etc... just an idea :D

[Tracie D'Angelo]

What a shocker the end was on that one! Didn't see that coming! Great detail and word use. I like that you didn't tell too much about the Reverend and James Smith. Sometimes it's kinda cool to let the read wonder what the relationship is between the characters. The only thing I saw that you may want to fix is the use of the word "acquit". You mention Freya was acquitted of the crime, yet still goes to trial. Minor adjustment. Very good story!!

[mischeif]

I loved it you really should think about writing as a career one thing you could work on is starting sentences but really Wow