Faded jeans and the art of Procurement

My heart-breaking discovery that my favorite faded blue jeans had succumbed to wear and tear and my adventure to a acquire a new pair. RIP(PED). I hate shopping, grrrrrrrrrrrr.

Faded Jeans and the art of Procurement

©Magiclight69 (29/02/2016).

 

I need to buy a pair of jeans

The ones I wear are torn

The a*s is threadbare at the seams

Between my cheeks it’s worn

I’ll get them in the Bargain store

That’s where the masses shop

It’s where your money gets you more

And the Brand names are all crap

Located on the third floor

The Men’s Departments’ found

I’ve just come in the main door

S**t, shoppers all around

Women stop to look at clothes

And hold them up for size

Then put them back, heaven knows

Their waistlines telling lies?

They spot a friend, now they must chat

In the middle of the aisle

Each on their phone as well as that

They settle for a smile

Ones brought a buggy with a child

The other, she’s got twins

Have the mothers now gone wild?

Filled diapers for the bins

 Discarded clothes from store rails

No-one picks them up

Each searching for the best sales

There is no winner’s cup

Still wearing jeans with no a*s

No-one will ever know

As I release my pungent gas

It’s great to let one go

That sure made space around me

Watching noses tweak the source

Angry shoppers turn to see

I’ve cleared a shopping course

My old blue jeans have served me well

I’ve made it to my floor

The Men’s Department where they sell

Blue jeans by the score

I know you’ll have a pair of jeans

Faded just like mine

A threadbare a*s that’s dropped some gas

You do it all the time

For guys to shop it’s easy

As we know our size and fit

Be careful when you squeazy

That your fart’s no lump in it!

 

Happy Shopping…………