Tearing down the ugly wallpaper

The motivation behind an ezine.

It's always been a dream of mine to have a literary ezine.

Well, okay, not always.

When I was a kid, my dream was to be a princess.

When I learned to read, my dream changed, and I wanted to be a published writer...AND a princess.

I mean, Prince William is the same age as me.

It could have happened.

At any rate, some dreams die, and some dreams stay, and some take on another dimension.

I've written since I first knew how, and I continue.  In high school, I became the co-editor of our school's literary magazine.  This, plus my love of reading and discovering good literature in general, planted the seed.

In college, I thought that I'd surely be able to get something published.  I was already in New York, and it seemed that was enough to get my foot in the door.  

Well, of course I was crushed when all I got were rejection letters.

But I told myself there were reasons.  Of course I'm not the best writer out there, and I'm young and inexperienced.  And the subject of my novel wasn't a popular one.... 

But on the other hand, there were people around me - friends, classmates - whom I felt were truly gifted.  And they, too, would enter contests, or try for publication, and - nada.

At the same time, I was discovering more and more that when I read a book or story or article and found myself honestly saying "Why was this published?", more often than not, if I dug a little, the person had connections with the publisher, an editor, etc.

In Paris, I had a friend who slaved at writing.  It was all he lived for, this true bohemian.  He often talked about a friend of his, a dandy who'd been published...he showed me one of the dandy's books.  Its purple prose rose to my nose like bad perfume.  The man who'd held the book out to me, was far more talented.  And how did the dandy get published?  His father knew the publisher, of course.

This sort of story has repeated itself over and over in my life, like a very ugly wallpaper pattern. Finally, I couldn't take it anymore.  And so, I decided to create my own ezine, to showcase writers I truly think are talented.

It may not come to much.  But at least it will give writers a chance to be exposed to a hopefully wider audience.  Not to mention a credit to put on their resumes, a clip to show when applying for writing gigs, etc.

It's my little contribution to the writing world.

So - there - I've torn down the ugly wallpaper, and the bare wall stands before me, its surface ragged as a bitten nail.  I gaze at it for a long time, I am still gazing at it, even when I'm not standing in front of it.  I wonder what I'll do now with the walls of this little room.  I wonder what problems I may encounter (mold?  store out of wallpaper I like)?  It's exciting but intimidating.

Still, above all, I feel exhilarated...and that's not just because of the fumes from the glue.

- Alysa (www.beguilezine.blogspot.com)

Reviews

[Alysa Salzberg]

Hi to all at "Beguile", good luck on your first issue!