Birthday

Rachel confronts Valerie.

Rachel grabbed Valerie and shook her by the shoulder. "Why do you people try to kill me on my birthday, then act like everything's all hunky-dory the next day?!"

Valerie shrugged and replied, "Well, Rachel, we kind of thought it seemed obvious. You keep turning into a rabid werebunny and ripping the kidneys out of alcoholics who don't order Bud Light on your birthday."

Rachel paused and rubbed her chin. "Oh. I guess that kind of makes sense... wait, Bud Light? Why?"

"You have a sponsorship deal with them."

Rachel's jaw dropped, horrified. "I... I'm a sellout?!"

"Yes. Yes, you are."

"Just put me out of my misery now!"

Valerie obliged and beat Rachel over the head with a bag of rocks.