Bedroom

A man comes home to a suspicious-acting wife.

“Honey, I’m home!”

Margaret’s heart skipped a few beats. Panicking, she threw the man’s clothes at him and motioned towards the window.

“Are you insane?! That’s a twenty foot drop,” he hissed.

“Margaret? Is everything okay?”

“Everything’s fine, Daniel! Just give me a moment, I’ll be down there!” Turning to the other man, she rolled her eyes and snarled, “Just get under the bed, then. I’ll get him to take me out for dinner. Once you hear the car start, it’s safe to leave.”

“Hon? I’m coming upstairs, okay?”

“Yeah, it’s fine! I just, uh… I’ve gotta clean this up.” Her eyes were thin slivers of rage burning his skin. “Get. Under. The. Bed.”

He quickly wriggled his way underneath the bed. She pulled the mattress skirt down in an attempt to keep him from being seen.

The bedroom door opened. Margaret sprang upright and waltzed over to her husband. “I’m sorry about that, dear. I knocked over a potpourri vase, and you know how much that annoys me.”

“Of course. I didn’t mean to sound paranoid. Did you check-”

Oh no oh no oh no oh no oh no oh no

“-underneath the bed?” Daniel got on his knees and peeked under the bed. The man already there froze.

Unfortunately, Daniel saw him.

Face ablaze, he pulled the man out from underneath the bed. Oddly enough, he was wearing ridiculously frilly Renaissance clothes. “Margaret? What… who is this?”

“I’m Paul Derch,” the frilly man said reproachfully.

“What is Paul Derch doing underneath our bed?”

“Hiding,” Margaret whimpered.

“And why…” Daniel tightened his grip on Paul’s collar. “...was he hiding?”

“Because I’m actually quite good at sewing but I hate your clothes and I don’t want you to be offended so I pretended I didn’t know how and this is where we’ve been getting all the money to eat out lately Daniel I’m so sorry please forgive me!” She rushed to him and wrapped him in a tight embrace, struggling to keep from crying.

Daniel was shocked, to say the least. “You mean…?”

“She sewed this shirt,” Paul replied, “and fixed the holes in these pants. Your wife is an excellent seamstress.”

“Oh.” Daniel let go of him. “So… you’re not having an affair with my wife?”

“With her? Ugh! Look, man, I said she was a good seamstress. I never said she’d make a good partner. I don’t know how you tolerate her.”

In a strange twist of fate, Paul Derch ended up exiting through the window, just as Margaret had originally intended for him to.